Mr & Mrs Jones
by Reparata
Summary: Penny sees something she shouldn't and is the target for drug cartel hitmen. She gets help from her whackadoodle neighbor and things just go downhill from there. Thrust into Witness Protection just as her career takes off, she resents everything and everyone here in the middle of Nowheresville where she has to play the role of her life - as Sheldon Cooper's wife, Pamela.
1. Chapter 1

Not my average angsty crap.

Reparata

* * *

Mr & Mrs Jones

Chapter 1

Penny was drunk but not so drunk that she wasn't aware that she was in deep trouble. Bad deep trouble. Horrible, bad, deep trouble. The worst horrible, bad, deep trouble she could imagine and she could imagine some really crappy things.

She dropped her keys several times but finally managed to get the door to her apartment open but she took one step inside and screamed.

Sheldon had chosen to avoid the 'pathetic post-grad prowl', his term for his three friends' attendance at a student-faculty mixer. Given their past track records, he estimated that they would require 92.7 minutes to irritate, panic or gross out the female graduate students who were naïve or brave enough to brave the crowd in search of an intellectual sugar daddy or the free buffet and open bar.

He was about to begin his weekly video chat with Leonard's mother, Beverly, when he heard Penny scream. Since the robbery, he'd been very cautious about almost everything and that had included allowing Leonard to 'weaponize' a softball bat.

Without thinking, he grabbed the bat, threw open the door and prepared to do battle with whoever or whatever had made his blonde nemesis scream as if her life was in peril.

"I'm coming, Penny!" He dashed across the ill-lit hallway and rushed into her apartment. He tripped over her unconscious form just inside the door and plowed into a large and angry man who had a pistol pointed at her. The softball bat that he carried aloft like a Samurai sword came down on the man's forehead with a sickening 'crunch'. If he thought about it, he could probably have diagramed the assault and computed the exact amount of force levied. But he didn't.

"Oh, dear! Oh, crap! Oh, Shit! I'm going to go to jail. I'm going to be housed with Raoul the Rapist and I'll suffer from piles and…"

"Shel. Sheldon, oh, God, please help me." Penny was coming around but still thought that she was alone with the man sent to silence her. She called for her friend to save her not knowing that he already had.

Sheldon crawled over the puddle of puke he deposited after accidentally putting his hand down into the crater he created out of the thug's forehead. He had to find his hand sanitizer before he caught Mad Cow Disease or worse. Instead, he found Penny.

"Penny, it's Sheldon Lee Cooper and I'm sorry to tell you this but I think I killed the man who was going to shoot you. I'm sorry for the mess on your carpet but if you foam it with Resolve and let it sit for an hour or two and then blot it with a damp towel you should be able to avoid a stain and the subsequent loss of your security deposit."

She got to her knees and threw her arms around Sheldon's kneeling form and then gagged when she tried to kiss him in thanks.

"EWWW, Sheldon! Vomit breath! But thank you anyway for saving me. I have to run away, Sheldon. I saw something in the alley outside the club I was at when I was looking for the little girl's room to pee. I took a wrong turn and I saw this guy shoot some poor schnook in the alley and another guy saw me and came running after me with a really big knife and I just ran out and came home but he must have followed me…"

"Penny, how many times must I tell you that excessive drinking is the road to personal destruction? Consider the relationships you find yourself in. There was Kurt and then there was…" He ticked each name off on a finger and then switched hands to continue with #6, Zak.

"Sheldon, someone's out to kill me, to snuff me out, to silence me because of what I saw and all you can do is lecture me on the evils of alcohol? And I don't need you constantly rubbing my losing record with guys in my face."

"Yes, well, I suppose you're right since, given the large cadaver on your carpet and the fact that you ran from the club but that said large cadaver while still alive was _waiting_ for you, your future does indeed look bleak and offer little opportunity to sleep with many more losers. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to liberally apply hand sanitizer to my hands and arms and then call the police and turn myself in."

The part of his lecture about the guy waiting for her was what stuck. "Oh, Sheldon, sweetie…"

"Now, Penny, I'm a firm believer in owning my errors and even though I should get points for saving you, I still must face blind Lady Justice. Will you come and visit me on alternate Sundays?"

"Sheldon, what are we going to do? I finally got a speaking part in a movie and – and – " She started to cry and Sheldon's panic button was pushed and stuck. He put and arm around her and mumbled 'There, there, Sheldon's here' but she pulled away from him.

"Go brush your teeth and use mouthwash before you attempt to comfort me. Your breath would make a maggot gag!"

"Well! That's the thanks I get for saving you? I could have easily allowed the Latin Chewbaca to shoot you by simply minding my own business, Penny, but instead I answered your shrill cry for help and this is the thanks I get?"

He stood up and wiped his hands on his pants and cringed. He still had Chebaca's frontal lobe all over his hand and he'd just soiled his pants and had almost nothing clean that wouldn't foul up his clothing rotation.

"I am going to go back to my apartment, Penny, wash my hands and change clothes and then call the police. I will not be a fugitive. I saw the movie and it didn't end well for a lot of the characters and I doubt Harrison Ford enjoyed being the prequel to US Marshals anyway."

"I guess you're right. I'll go with you. Maybe the police won't care that you off'ed one of the state's biggest organized crime figures and will just let you go in thanks without a charge or a trial? And the mob will just say, 'Okay, it was an accident, no harm, no foul? No!"

"That does seem rather doubtful but it's my duty to obey the laws and I must do what I must." She hated it when he assumed that high-browed, holier-than-thou attitude and so she popped him hard in the arm to get his attention.

"Listen, if they put you in stir someone on the inside will shank you for a pack of cigarettes, Sheldon. Is that how you want to be remembered? 'Shanked Shelly'?"

"We'll go to the FBI, Penny. We'll seek out the real life counterparts to Mulder and Scully and we'll be fine. Let me clean up and change and we'll go."

Penny took a look around her apartment and paled. "Sheldon, I don't think this guy was going to shoot me. Look!"

A leather case was lying open on the coffee table and there was a cooking spoon, a hypodermic and a plastic package of what they both knew was either heroin or something equally lethal.

"Penny, grab your stuff. I saw a documentary on the Discovery Channel about this kind of thing and he was going to give you a 'hot shot' and we'd have all thought that you'd slipped into hard drugs. Grab your stuff. We need to leave now!"

Sheldon was on the edge, the very finest of edges, of panic and when he panicked he did stupid things like…whack an enforcer for the drug lords with a loaded softball bat. He was about to do something even dumber but Penny saw the panic in his eyes and grabbed his hand and dragged him down to her car.

"Penny! I'm still covered with brain matter. I can't – "

"Shut up, Sheldon. Better _his_ brain matter than mine or yours, right? Now, where the hell is the FBI office, do you know?"

"One would presume that the Federal Bureau of Investigation would be in the Federal Building." He leaned back with a smirk.

"Okay, do you know where the Federal Building is?" She was almost to the point of returning to her apartment and shooting up with that hotshot and ending this torture.

"No." He was staring at the blinking 'Check Engine' light that seemed to mesmerize him in the darkened interior of her crappy car.

"Find me a damned phone booth!"


	2. Chapter 2

A transitional chapter to introduce the new environment and the Joneses. You kiddies might want to close your eyes when reading the violent parts.

Also, FF doesn't seem to give me the horizontal line breaks anymore so I hope you can follow the transitions.

Reparata

* * *

The Joneses – Chapter 2

FBI Regional Office  
North Hollywood, CA

"Miss, tell us again exactly what happened. I know it seems like we don't believe you but we're looking for differences in your story, not because we doubt you but because you might have remembered something you didn't tell us before."

Penny felt comfortable talking with the tall and very handsome agent but was so tired and now that the adrenalin rush had faded, her words were slurred with fatigue.

"I went to the club with some friends but they seemed to hook up earlier and disappeared so I just let some guys buy me drinks and danced and then I had to pee. I hadn't been there before and I got turned around and ended up in the alley instead of the ladies' room."

"Go on, Penny. You're doing great." He handed her another cup of coffee and watched her shaking hands raise it to her lips. He knew this would be the last go-round until she'd slept. He wondered how his partner was doing with the 'Doctor'.

* * *

"Dr. Cooper, I know this is repetitious and seems redundant and I know you have an eidetic memory but it's standard procedure in cases such as these. Now, tell me again what happened about 11:40 last evening."

Sheldon was about ready to stand up and leave and take his chances on the street except that he'd been handcuffed to the steel interview chair. He had committed a crime and he half expected to see them break out the rubber hoses. So far, Agent West was the good cop. Could Patrolman Hulk be far behind?

"Very well. For the ninth time, I was preparing to video chat with Dr. Beverly Hofstadter, my roommate's mother, regarding her latest paper on the transmission of non-genetic behavioral traits from birth mother to child even if the child was placed in another home at birth. I heard Penny scream. We had suffered a break-in recently and my roommate, Dr. Leonard Hoftadter, had strategically placed a heavy softball bat near the door."

She handed the soft-spoken man a Mountain Dew that he drank almost all of before continuing. She didn't know what to make of Dr. Sheldon Cooper. He didn't seem the type to take out 'Hot Shot' Johnny Jimenez but she'd seen stranger things in her time at the Bureau.

"Thank you, Agent. I needed that. I grabbed the bat and stepped the 11 steps across the hallway that's very poorly lit, by the way, and saw that Penny's door was open and so I rushed in, totally unlike me, and tripped over her unconscious form and fell forward, creating an increase in the angular momentum of the tip of the bat. It intersected with the man's forehead and he dropped his pistol and fell backwards."

"Dr. Cooper, I think I'm safe in saying that the facts in evidence support your story – "

"Well, of course they do. I cannot lie, Agent West. I am incapable of it."

"Un, yes. Now, your girlfriend was right when she said that her intruder intended to shoot her up with what looks to be heroin and then leave her as another sad example of what happens with so many of today's youth."

"Agent West, she is not my girlfriend. Until recently, she was engaged in rather loud and annoying coitus-centered relationship with my roommate. It's only been in the last month or so that she's found her passion for acting again and finally dumped Leonard, thank the stars!"

"Whatever you say, Doc, but I see the way you look at her and if you ask me – "

"No one has. You've been the one asking the questions. Penny is just my acquaintance. I am a Theoretical Physicist at CalTech and my research is the all-consuming passion in my life."

Agent West smiled. Sometimes the smartest were the dumbest, just like her partner. He couldn't see what was right in front of him.

"A question for you, Agent West. Am I under arrest? Do I need an attorney? You have not Mirandized me as required by law and thus none of this is admissible in court."

"No, Dr. Cooper, you're not being charged. The handcuffs should have been removed earlier but we moved along much faster than normal thanks to your incredible memory and utterly amazing ability to recall minute details. I do humbly apologize." She undid his cuffs and smiled as he massaged his wrist and then fixed those deadly blue eyes on her.

She had stroked his ego and it worked. Technically she'd violated his civil rights but finding the man who whacked 'Hot Shot' Johnny Jimenez and then discovering that he wasn't a hit man from a rival cartel had knocked her off her stride.

"What now, Agent West? Is Penny in danger? Is she under arrest? She's innocent of anything except poor judgment and a penchant for imbibing too much alcohol and ignoring good sense when selecting partners for single nights of coitus. I've told her countless times that she can't drown the pain of her mundane life in alcohol. Were that the case, this can would contain JaegerMeister or some other alcoholic concoction."

"You care for her, don't you, Sheldon? And call me Misty. 'Agent West' is far too formal. Penny will be held here until someone decides that it's safe for her to return to her apartment and life. I have no idea how long that might be. As for you, Sheldon, you might want to go on a long, long, really _long_ vacation. It's a pity but we have no reason to protect you. You aren't a material witness. You're just the poor schnook who whacked a Cartel enforcer and protected his girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend." Sheldon tried desperately to control the twitches and managed to do so because he parsed the sentence and homed in on 'girlfriend' and seemed to relax.

"Ah, okay, but tell me you don't care for her more than you'd like her to know."

"I…are these standard FBI interrogation procedures?" Twitch. Two more.

"Answer the question, Dr. Cooper. Do you care for your friend as more than a friend?" It was important to tie the two together if Misty West was going to save Sheldon Cooper from a fate that would have him begging for death. The Cartel didn't really care who whacked 'Hot Shot' Johnny but saving 'face' required dramatic and often public revenge.

Sheldon was frantically trying to school his features even though it wasn't really important to anyone but him. No one as vivacious and alive and gorgeous as Penny could ever see him as anything other than a weirdo geek with psycho habits.

Finally, "Yes, damn it. I do care for her. I love her but she doesn't even 'see' me. I'm just her barely visible next door neighbor unless she needs something."

"And she comes only to you when she needs things, help or support?"

"Yes, I suppose she does."

Just then an agent walked into interrogation and whispered something in Agent West's ear and she paled and reached for her weapon.

"Sheldon, get down on the floor and do not leave this room until I come back for you, is that clear?"

"Why? What's happening? Is it Penny? Is she safe?" West left, turning out the lights as she did so. Red emergency lights flicked on.

A few moments later, Penny was physically shoved through the door of the interrogation room and told, 'Get down on the floor with your boyfriend and don't come out until I say it's clear." The agent who shouted at Penny was the same one who'd whispered in West's ear.

Penny got on her hands and knees and then scooted over to where she could hear Sheldon's panicky breathing.

"Sheldon, I'm so damned scared! The guy I saw shoot the other guy was some Cartel bigwig and they say he's not going to stop until I'm dead! I never should have gone out tonight but I was supposed to meet with the director and crew and…and now that's ruined too."

"Penny, Penny, Penny," her name rolled off his tongue like raindrops. Sometimes he caught himself daydreaming at work and whispering 'Penny, Penny, Penny' and it annoyed him. He needed to focus, to concentrate on what was important not on hazel eyes and pouty lips that begged to be comforted with his own, not on perky breasts that – damn it!

He put his arm around her and drew her against him. In the dim light of the emergency lighting he noticed that the floor was scuffed and hadn't been washed and waxed in ages. He could feel the bacteria jumping onto him, sliding between the fibers of his clothing and burrowing into his skin via his pores. He shivered in disgust and dismay.

"Hey, Shel, it's okay to be scared I guess. You were so brave in my apartment. You're my hero, Sheldon."

"Right now, Penny, I'd trade your gratitude and temporary adoration for a 5-gallon bucket of Phisohex and a wire brush. I found dura matter under my nails!"

"Whatsa matter?" Penny was listening to the shouting in the corridor outside the interrogation room that suddenly changed to gunfire. She shrieked in fear and Sheldon put his filthy (by his standards) palm across her mouth to stifle her screams.

The one-way mirror erupted in glass and bullets and Penny screeched once before Sheldon could press his palm against her mouth again. He was so afraid and he pressed so hard that he split her lip and when he felt the warm blood against his palm he almost cried out her name thinking she was hit.

Sheldon grabbed a shard of mirror and sliced open the palm of his hand and wiped the blood all over Penny's face and neck and then squeezed a fist and dribbled blood over his own face but it wasn't enough. He sliced down along his arm and watched as the blood pooled on the tiled floor.

"Sorry, Penny. I'm so sorry." She looked at him with glazed eyes and he pushed her face into the growing pool and whispered, "Don't move. They'll think you're dead." He rolled away from her and onto his back, one arm draped protectively over her shoulders, frantically smearing the blood over his precious Green Lantern T-shirt. The pain from his palm and arm was bad but not anything like he would feel if anything happened to Penny.

Someone walked into the room and turned on the lights and muttered 'Shit!' and went out again, turning out the lights. After what seemed like hours Sheldon heard several men speaking in Spanish saying that 'the Rubia is dead and so is her boyfriend' just outside the doorway and then they took camera phone shots of the couple lying on the floor in pools of their own blood. Sheldon almost lost it when the flashes went off.

After what seemed an eternity, the lights came on and he heard Agent West gasp and then say something over her cell phone. He couldn't tell anything else because the fear and worry caught up to him. He gagged at the sight of some much blood and he fainted.

* * *

"Donald, you have to lie still. Your wife is fine, just shaken up and the docs gave her a light sedative but she's fine, Donald, thanks to your quick thinking. We're giving you a fill-up and you'll be fine and dandy, too."

He heard what sounded like high speed machinery whining in the background and he closed his eyes again and wondered who the hell Donald was and why his wife was shaken up. He remembered shots being fired and he shouted out "Penny!" in panic but a firm hand on his chest held him firmly against the softness of what, he didn't know.

"Sedate him otherwise he'll need constant watching and we don't have time for it. We'll be landing in Wilkes Barre in a little more than an hour. I wish he'd stayed out. It's so much easier just waking them up in their homes, y'know?"

Sheldon fought the sedative but lost. He missed the landing, being transferred to an ambulance and then driving more than an hour until the ambulance turned onto a gravel driveway or lane and finally stopped in front of a small two-story house in the middle on Nowhere, Pennsylvania.

* * *

Pamela Jones sat beside her husband's gurney and watched him for any signs of distress or wakefulness. They had a lot to tell him and she wanted to get the polite preliminaries out of the way.

"Mrs. Jones, please step out of the ambulance so the EMTs can move him into the house and up to bed. He'll wake up in a few hours and except for the stitches in his hand and arm, he's in great shape. Your house and car keys, briefing papers, IDs, lease agreement, rental receipts, tax returns, used laptops and cell phones are all on the kitchen table. The refrigerator is stocked and the 2-year old Chevy Malibu has a full tank of gas."

"What about clothes?" She was always focused on the things that mattered.

"Your credit cards will cover any purchases you make and the bills are paid automatically by the government. There are maps of the surrounding area and of the town as well as copies of your schedules, dates of a series of routine doctor visits for you and Don. Oh, and there are family photographs around the house. You might want to look at them."

She followed the Marshal into the house and watched as he went about making coffee. Two EMTs were taking her husband up to their bedroom to sleep and she'd soon be joining him. It was almost 3am local time and except for a little sleep on the plane, she'd been up and watching him except for the trip to a beauty parlor where she'd undergone a makeover. She wasn't quite comfortable with all of it but had no choice.

"How long? How long until…" She didn't know how to ask the question but the Marshal knew what she wanted to know and was blunt.

"Indefinitely. Until Escobar is either dead or in custody and after you testify at his trial and then it will be over."

"And him? How long do I have to be with him?"

"He comes with the house."

A/N: It gets lighter now. So light it floats.


	3. Chapter 3

Last post for a bit. Going to Phoenix to cover some meetings

* * *

Chapter 3 – The Joneses

Orientation Day  
Jones Residence, Hidden Valley, PA

Sheldon slept until mid-morning and woke up feeling groggy and disoriented. He stumbled from bed and saw that he was wearing boxers and a t-shirt and sweat socks and didn't have a clue how he'd come to be dressed in such an uncomfortable manner.

He wasn't used to the feeling of…well, of his package being so free and dangling. He raised a leg and shook it and was pleasantly surprised at the feeling of…freedom he felt wearing boxers.

He sat down on the edge of the bed and the events in Penny's apartment and then at the FBI office came tearing back into his forebrain when he noticed his bandaged arm and hand for the first time.

It hadn't been a horrible dream.

"Penny?" His voice was hoarse and Sheldon heard no response and feared the worst. The very worst. Penny was dead! He remembered whispering how sorry he was to her as he gently laid her face back down in a pool of her own blood and…

"Well, look at you! How are we feeling this morning, Don?" A woman with short brown hair and wearing a white sleeveless 'Slippery Rock State' t-shirt that was cut off just under her breasts and yoga pants was standing in the door, smiling, but it was obviously forced.

"Who are you and where is Penny? And my name is Shel – "

"We have a lot to discuss. There are jeans and sneakers in the closet as well as some shirts in your size. When you've dressed and done your morning thing, come down to breakfast and meet the others."

She turned and left, closing the door behind her. He hated being interrupted and he hated the fact that this woman was obviously shielding Penny's fate from him.

'_And what happened to my arm?'_

The door opened again and the woman stuck her head in and whispered, "And don't shave, sweetie. You look good with a 2-day beard. Now, hustle. Breakfast is getting cold," and she disappeared again.

'_Breakfast doesn't get cold, woman. It gets soggy. This is definitely a high-fiber day.'_

He wanted a shower in the worst way but had no way to keep the bandages on his arm and hand dry so he washed as well as he could, one-handed, and then wiped off the steam-fogged mirror and looked at himself – and shrieked in alarm.

Downstairs the two US Marshals bolted from the table, hands on their weapons, but the brunette in the t-shirt just laughed.

"I guess he looked in the bathroom mirror. Wait for it…three…two…one…" They heard him coming down the steps and glanced at the brunette with smirks. "Oh, yeah, forgot about the…"

"What the hell is going on here and what have you done to my hair?" His voice carried annoyance (expected), anger (expected) and a growl (unexpected). "Someone better start talking. And for you information, my name is – "

The larger of the two agents stood up again and offered Sheldon his hand. "Your name is Donald No-Middle-Name Jones. You and your wife," he pointed to the short brunette in the cut-off t-shirt, "Pamela, are new teachers at Hidden Valley High School. You've been happily married for 6 years. This is your new life. This is the only way to keep you alive until the situation you left behind in Pasadena resolves itself, _comprende_?"

"Si, yo comprendo. Is it necessary that I intersperse my sentences with idiomatic Spanish or is that just some affectation you've adopted to make a point?"

"You can change his name and his hair but the boy keeps that holier-than-thou-I-know-everything attitude," the brunette with the short hairdo muttered barely loud enough to be heard.

"Where is Penny? The last thing I remember – "

"She's dead. Killed by the same people that want you dead, Don. Now, sit down and – oh, crap."

It was too much. Sheldon fainted and the big agent caught him under the arms and lowered him into the empty chair.

"I hate it when they do that. Pam, it looks like our makeover worked pretty well on you. If your own boyfriend doesn't recognize you – "

"Hey, I keep telling you but none of you listen! He's just the guy across the hall. He's not my damned boyfriend! Look, I wanna go home. I'll take my chances. I just got my big break and a role in a movie that I don't have to- "

She was so tempted to go all Nebraska Junior Rodeo on this wiseass who kept insisting…

"Sorry, Pam, you're right, he's not your boyfriend. He's your _husband_."

_Well, she might not have feelings for the scrawny pile of bones in the chair across from her but from his reaction to news of her 'death', I'd say the boy may be just a friend to her but a 'friend' whot feels a lot more than that for Penny. _

"You have no right to keep me here. I have a career and a life that's getting better and better and I've worked so damned hard – "

The female US Marshal had been silent and taking in everything. She was the team psychologist and had evaluated many 'Protectees' and these two would be the most entertaining of any of them. Deciding it was time to put Penny/Pamela in her place she spoke up, quietly and in a musing tone.

"You mean that 5 sentence speaking part in a two-bit-straight-to-cable-soft-porn movie where your entire screen time totals 8 minutes and that's just because of the shots of your bare breasts bouncing around in the breeze? _That_ career?"

She turned bright red and sat back, angry at the world, at the whackadoodle sitting out cold across from her, and at the short blonde Marshal who had the nerve to shove the truth up her nose.

"Look, Pam," she insisted on using her new name, "you have a fresh start here, a career that you certainly don't deserve and a guy who obviously would do anything for you, even giving up a possible Nobel Prize just so – "

"Ha! You have no idea just what he's really like, do you? He's so damned anal and he has terminal and chronic OCD. He's aggravating and annoying and demanding and so damned critical of everything I do and – "

"And he killed 'Hot Shot' Johnny Jimenez who was obviously going to kill you. I wish I was allowed to let you watch his interrogation tape with Agent West then maybe you'd be a little more cooperative and understanding."

"You just wait until he's conscious and then see if I'm wrong! He's a pain in the ass most times and – " She stopped and then blurted out the truth.

"And other times he can be the sweetest guy in the world but those times just aren't enough to make up for the months in between!"

When Sheldon – now Don – was feeling focused and not on the verge of a panic attack, the older male Marshal began his briefing on their new lives.

"Don, you and Pam met when you were a senior and she was a freshman at Slippery Rock State. You graduated and got a teaching job and the two of you continued seeing each other and when Pam graduated, you got married. With me so far?"

Sheldon glared at the woman across from him who was supposed to be his 'wife'. He wondered how much the US Marshal Service paid someone to live a cover life with someone in 'the Program'.

"Eat your breakfast, Don. It's going to get cold," Pam said to him. The eggs were burnt, the toast was slathered with butter and jelly and the charred and crispy stuff might have been bacon once, he wasn't sure.

He pushed his plate away and said, "I'm not hungry." He wasn't. He was trying not to lose it in front of these three. All he wanted to do was be alone so he could let his tears fall. Penny was dead and these people minimized it and expected him to just jump into someone else's life as if –

"I didn't spit in it, _Don_, although that's something I reserve the right to do in the future," Pam said spitefully.

"Fat chance. If this gooey and burnt offering is the best you can do for breakfast, I'll stick to cereal, thank you very much. In fact, I'll do the cooking. At least that way I can be sure you haven't added something 'unusual'." He crossed his arms and glared at the blue-eyed brunette as if daring her to offer some witty comeback.

"Ahem! If I might continue? Time is short and we have a lot to cover. Now, you both are new teachers at the Hidden Valley High School. Pam, you teach drama and Girls Phys Ed and are the cheerleader coach. Don, you teach physical education and – "

"Ha! Who's going to teach _him_? At least I have experience. This is the stupidest idea…"

"Pam! This is the only way we could bring Don into the program. Now…"

"Wait! You mean I don't have to be here? I can just walk away and go home? Why didn't you say something earlier? I'm outta here and that government drone over there can find someone else to Witness Protect! My Penny is dead and I really don't care what happens to me now so I'll just go home, pick up my life and – "

"You're dead, Don. You and Penny died in the shootout. Your funeral is tomorrow and if you hurry, you might be able to make it. You don't have a job anymore. You don't have any money anymore. You don't have anything but what we've given you. What you _do_ have are some pissed off macho dudes looking for your ass who want revenge, so you better take West's advice and take a long, long vacation."

His 'my Penny' comment stunned her and she felt horrible. He felt so bad that he was ready to leave and go back to what the Marshal told her earlier was certain death. Now she felt really bad and wanted to hug him for hurting him.

_Why does he have to be so noble and so damned weird and such a frikkin' whacko? I suppose I can just pretend he's normal and play the role. Hey! It'll be good practice for when I get back to Hollywood!_

"Please continue your orientation, Marshal. He's not going anywhere, are you, _dear?"_

Sheldon looked down at his hands and sighed. No money, no job, no life. He was stuck here with this _person_ who apparently was in charge and fully controlling every aspect of his life.

He listened to the remainder of the briefing without saying a single word and shook his head. It would never work. He knew nothing about teaching physical education and what's more, he was a physical wreck.

He stood up and excused himself and walked out onto the back porch and sat on the wooden steps, needing the quiet and solitude to think.

The female Marshal caught her partner's eye and nodded toward the door Don had just closed behind him. He took the hint and walked out and sat down beside him and lit a cigarette, offering him one.

"No thanks, I don't smoke."

"Let me offer you a bit of advice, Dr. Cooper."

He had Sheldon's undivided attention after using his name.

"I won't use your real name again, Don. Now, my advice to you is simple. You don't smoke; start. If you don't drink, start. If you do things that you've never done before and they become habits, they also become protective coloration – camouflage. Give up your routines and adopt new ones."

Sheldon could see the sense in the older man's words.

"I don't envy what you're going through and I don't pretend to understand the tension between you and the missus, but I do know this – a man of your intellect should have no problem adapting to this program. Am I right?"

"I guess. Tell me the truth if you can. Why am I here?"

"Because Agent West back in California didn't believe that Penny could survive alone and she didn't think it was fair to take her into the program and leave you to fend for yourself. She was a softy."

"Was? You mean she's…" The older agent took a drag on his Marlboro and sighed and nodded. Yeah, Misty's dead and so is her partner and 3 others. Not many people working at the FBI at 1am on a Saturday."

She'd been such a nice person once she got over being an agent. She was kind and tried to soothe his ruffled feathers by appealing to his ego and she died protecting him. The impact of her death unsettled him. He'd hardly known her and yet she and her partner had thrown themselves away to protect him.

"Penny's dead. I saw her die."

"Legally, yeah, deader 'n a doornail. Bureau's flying her sandbagged coffin back to Omaha for her funeral. But who do you think cooked you that disgusting excuse for breakfast, Moon Pie?"


	4. Chapter 4

The Joneses  
Chapter 4

_"But who do you think cooked you that disgusting excuse for breakfast, Moon Pie?_

* * *

He was 6'2" but he felt 6 inches tall and for one of the few times that he could remember, and he had eidetic memory, he felt stupid, ignorant, imbecilic, backward, inept and totally like the fool that everyone seemed to take him for.

"Excuse me, Marshal." He uncoiled from the porch step and straightened up and walked back into the kitchen and sat down beside the short brunette with the piercing blue eyes and looked at her - _really_ looked at her.

His mind superimposed his image of Penny over the young woman who looked back at him in mild irritation, still pissed at his inability to grasp what was so obvious to her.

"You look nothing like her and yet you are identical in every way that's ever been 'her' to me. I will try hard to make this work, to keep you safe, so that eventually you'll be able to go back home where you belong and resume your life."

"Sheldon – "

"Donald or Don but never Donnie, okay? That's one condition I have. No, I have two. I cook. Your culinary skills suck and I'm thin enough without the specter of starvation dogging me over time."

Her mouth moved but nothing came out. For once in her life she was truly speechless and he wisely avoided kicking over the proverbial applecart by saying nothing more.

He looked over at the female Marshal and said, "You mentioned maps and a tour of the town. When would it be convenient for us to familiarize ourselves with our surroundings?"

The Marshals left after going through the emergency contact routines.

* * *

'Pam' flipped through the limited offerings on cable while 'Don' looked over the paperwork, their legends, and organized his new plain black leather ('adult') wallet, tossing his beloved Batman Velcro-sealed wallet in the 'burn bag'.

"Quit picking at your bandage. It's supposed to itch. That means it's healing." Pam wasn't nagging at him, simply pointing things out.

"How long do you think we'll have to be here, Pe-Pam?"

"Don't know and like they told me, until Escobar is either dead or on trial. Then I'll go back and testify and I guess that'll be the end of it."

"So I guess I'd better start reading up on Physical Education teaching techniques as well as set up a physical training schedule for myself. No time to delay. The first day of school is August 21 and that gives us less than 120 days to get ready."

"Nope. Football camp is in July, right after the holiday I think."

"And that's important to me because?"

He wasn't being quarrelsome and she knew that from his tone but she wanted to deliver her one-liner with devastating effect and then shout 'Bazinga' just to twist his tail.

"Because, Donnie-dear, you're the football coach or weren't you listening to your job description?"

She tried not to smirk but failed. The look on his face was priceless and she wished the Marshals had included a camera in their inventory. She would have to buy one the first chance she got. Leonard would get such a kick hearing about the 'new' Sheldon especially if visual aids were included.

"I believe you interrupted the Marshal with some caustic comment regarding the need to instruct me before I could teach others. Surprisingly enough, you were correct. Any other duties?"

'Pam' had the decency to blush and stammer a few seconds before answering him.

"It's a small school so you coach everything but baseball. Some history teacher does that. He was a minor leaguer until he tore up his knee according to the briefing but I think you were out on the porch for that part."

He was writing notes and setting up a timeline of personal training and study.

Pam watched as he applied his scientific training and methodology to the problem and knew he'd probably pull it off if by nothing else than sheer force of will. He was like that once he set his mind to doing something, be it collecting comic books or investigating some weird phenomenon with the guys.

"Hey, Moon Pie, whatcha cookin' for dinner? It's almost six."

"I suppose I have to feed you. I saw some produce and I'll whip up a chef's salad for you if that's okay?" He ignored her 'Moon Pie' comment. Sheldon Cooper was dead and being called 'Moon Pie' somehow wasn't an irritation coming from her.

"Works for me. I'm going to check out the bedroom and make a list of personal stuff we may need. You can add your stuff to the wish-list and we can drive into Hidden Valley tomorrow and shop."

"Yeah. That sounds good."

She pulled her feet up onto the kitchen chair and rested her chin on her knees. _'What happened to the guy from Pasadena who wouldn't go anywhere __near __a mall? Maybe he's going through a period of denial. It took him long enough to accept me as 'Pamela'. I guess I really do look different. He does, too, but I didn't think he was dead. Maybe that's the difference.'_

He was trying hard to change the way he spoke, picking simple words and phrases, using reduction and losing the endings on words. The Marshal had made good points about camouflage.

"We can go whenever you want. I need some things and you probably will want more shoes since I saw bare spots on the bottom of your closet."

He mentally kicked his ass.

"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. I'm sure that your wardrobe will require adjustments given your position and duties. Mine will, too. Big adjustments. I may need your help in picking out 'normal' clothes since I saw no reason to bother back in Pasadena."

* * *

Sheldon made Penny a salad for dinner and then went and walked around their 6 acres, imagining thugs coming for them in the night and possible avenues of escape. The old Marshal, Paul, had been blunt about the need for careful planning. He told 'Don' to put together a 'run bag' for the both of them that contained items of clothing and money in the event they had to make a quick exit.

It was nearly dark by the time he'd finished his walk-around and 'Pam' was watching TV. He made sure all the doors and windows were locked and then found a plastic bag and a roll of electrical tape in the kitchen pantry and wrapped up his arm and showered and then went to bed. It had been a long day and he was tired from the emotional roller coaster.

'Pam' was putting off going to bed. She wasn't looking forward to the awkwardness of sleeping with Sheldon Cooper regardless of his name. She finally turned off the television and walked up the steps dreading the night but was surprised to find their bedroom empty.

"Sheldon!" He'd gone up to bed an hour earlier…she panicked and called out his real name and the door to the spare bedroom flew open and he stood there, obviously awakened from sleep.

"_Pamela,_" he used her cover name, "you could have knocked or just barged in. What's wrong? I locked up and – "

"You weren't in bed and…" She fumbled for words.

"Yes, I was. And if there's no emergency, I'm going back to sleep. I've set my alarm for 6am. I'll make breakfast when you wake up." He sort of waved at her and went back into the spare room and closed the door.

She felt a sense of relief flood over her like a cool breeze but also a frisson of disappointment that he was using the spare room instead of the master bedroom. They were supposed to be married, after all.

* * *

Jones Residence  
Hidden Valley, PA

'Don' put together his basic 'run bag' and made a list of things to add. He wondered if his 'wife' had put one together or if it was his responsibility to do so. He'd ask her if she'd been briefed on it or not and then do what had to be done.

He shoved the small sports bag in the closet and out of mind. He had other things on his mind. His To Do list started with a jog as far as he could without stopping and then a walk back to cool down and avoid stiffness. After establishing this as a baseline he would know how long it would take to reach optimum performance.

It had been years since he ran for any reason other than to catch a bus that had left without him.

A long time ago he sought solace in running but someone started calling him 'Forest' and soon half the school was cat-calling 'Run, Forest, run!' whenever they saw him running, so he quit. And went to college where he ran and ran, mostly to escape loneliness by being alone, a contradiction in terms but then a 11-year old college student was, too.

He timed his jog up the gravel drive to the two-lane highway and the turned left and headed out towards nowhere in particular according to the maps he'd seen. Nowhere, PA was to the right and he'd run that way when he could actually run and risk being seen. A sweaty and reeling jogger wouldn't make a good impression as a PE coach on anyone he came across, not if he was to pull this deceptions off.

'Pam' was still asleep when he got back and he was glad she was. His legs were shaking and he was short of breath. His heart rate was way too high for someone his age after so little exercise.

'Don' rewrapped his arm in the bag and took a shower and wondered if his new hair color would require periodic touchups? _'I'll ask her. She's the hair expert.'_

He got dressed in the single pair of 'distressed jeans' he found on a hangar in his closet and a button-down long sleeve to cover his bandage and then went down to make coffee and breakfast. He ate a banana from a bowl of fruit on the counter and scrambled eggs, threw an English muffin in the toaster and bacon along side the over-easy eggs.

'Don' knocked lightly on her bedroom door and called her name repeatedly until he heard her groan and mutter 'I'm up, I'm up' and he walked back down to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee, put the eggs and bacon on a plate, buttered her muffin and then went to sit on the back porch until she was ready to 'go shopping'.

* * *

'Pam' stumbled through her morning routine and plopped down at the kitchen table and sucked down her first cup of coffee before mechanically eating her first bite of breakfast.

'_Hey! This is really good! He's put something in the eggs and…I'm sure glad he's doing the cooking!'_

She left the table, breakfast plate cleaned but unrinsed and took her 3rd cup of coffee upstairs to get ready to run through the stores the small town had to offer. She had made a list for herself and another for 'Don'. His was longer and she knew he'd pitch a fit at having to shop so long but it was easier to listen to his whining all at once than listen to it several times.

He came in a few minutes later, saw that she'd eaten but left her plate and silverware for the 'busboy' and rinsed them in the sink and put them in the dishwasher.

He sat down and made a list of things he'd definitely need and items with question marks behind them that he had no idea whether he'd need or not given his coaching job. Would he even need dress shirts and pants, ties and a suit or two?

He was immersed in his thoughts and didn't hear her come back down and so her 'Ready to hit the mall, Donnie?' took him by surprise but not as much as her appearance did.

"What's the matter? It's appropriate clothing for a hot summer's day of shopping!" She thought he didn't approve of her khaki shorts with a white tee tucked into it and sandals.

"Very much so. You look…beau-nice, 'Pam'. I've made a list but the items with question marks after them – well – I need your help with."

She caught his half said 'beautiful' and blushed and then looked at his list and compared it to hers. His was much more inclusive and thought out. She took the Sharpie from his hand and crossed out 'briefs' and wrote 'boxers', drew a line through 'dress shirts' and remarked that until they had some idea of the dress code, casual was best since they had so much time until school started.

"Let's go, Donnie. Faster we get there, the faster we're done. I know you hate shopping but if you could put a cork in your whine bottle, we'll get done much quicker.

"Cork, whine bottle…good one, Pam." He actually laughed. He ignored her 'Donnie' and just let it roll off his back.

_Maybe this won't be so bad after all. At least he isn't wearing freaky-geeky superhero t-shirts and those horrible plaid pants._

"Um, what's this 'run bag' with the question mark? You think you'll need a bag when you jog?"

He sighed and took back his list, saw the changes and the tucked it into the breast pocket of his shirt after adding 'cigarettes and lighter' to the list. Work the cover, build the identity, become someone else.

'Don' was actually looking forward to his sally out into the town. He wasn't sure if his 'wife' was ready for the new 'him' or not but then he really didn't care. He was doing this for her whether she liked it or him or not.

Next: Shopping and Meetings

A/N: Like Bill Clinton, Sheldon won't inhale so don't all you tobacco nazis send me hate mail.


	5. Chapter 5

This chapter introduces some new issues. Penny is having serious adjustment problems while Sheldon has thrown himself into his role and is trying to make the best of a bad situation made worse by Penny's boredom.

Reparata

* * *

The Joneses Chapter 5  
Hidden Valley Strip Mall (One Western Auto, One Auto Zone, One Dollar General and a Pizza Hut)

They were in their Chevy Malibu and she dropped all pretenses of Pam & Donald.

"Sheldon, this is…this is medieval. There's no GAP, hell, not even a Sears or a Wal-Mart! I can't live here. I just can't."

"Pam, adapt. Isn't that what you do when you immerse yourself in a role? According to the map, there's a bigger town just down Interstate 80 twenty miles or so. Let's head over there and then, if you still feel this way, contact the US Marshal and ask for another placement. You're already had the makeover so it's just a matter of finding you a place in a city."

"What about you, Sheldon? You heard how hard it was to find a place for both of us…"

"There's no reason for us to remain together, Pamela. I will stay here while you move on. If anyone is tracking us, which I doubt, they'll be handled by the Marshals. The on-ramp for westbound I80 is just outside of town."

He leaned back and glanced at the map and then folded it carefully and returned it to the glove box. He'd almost crapped his pants when he'd pulled the map out before they left.

The old Marshal said there was 'a present' in the glove box but he'd blown it off. The 'present' was a 9mm pistol with a box of shells. He had carefully covered it with the usual junk found in a glove box and hadn't mentioned it again.

"Sheldon, you can't mean that? We're friends and we should stick together. Come with me, Sheldon. I'm sure they will find a place for us – just not someplace so 1950s."

"Sheldon Cooper is dead, Pam. Penny is dead. Are you willing to risk your life for…for _Fashion!"_

"Sheldon…" She was exasperated with him. She figured he'd get by here once he got over the loss of his precious String Theory and the Comic Book Store and everything else but he was just so…so…

She was startled out of her thoughts by the door opening and closing. She saw Sheldon walk around the front of the car and across the street and into a store. She pounded the heels of her hands against the steering wheel and screamed in frustration. A few minutes later he opened the car door and got in.

"Everything you desire in life is just down the road. There's a large outlet mall with several national chain stores. There's also a state liquor store. Drive. If it fails to satisfy your needs or meet with your approval, take me back to the house and call the Marshals."

"You aren't serious, are you?"

"Yep. Now drive. It's going to rain and I don't like driving in the rain. The loss of traction of interstate highways due to rain mixing with the diesel exhaust residue causes most accidents."

"Sheldon – " She started to rant but he cut her down with a few words.

"Don, Pamela, Don. Drive." His tone was different than she'd ever heard from him before. It was the 'I _will_ be obeyed' tone of her father.

Outlet Mall

'Pam' dragged her husband from one store to another, checking off items and trying on clothes that she felt that she might 'someday' need. 'Don' carried the large heavy duty plastic bags of clothing around until finally he called a halt to the madness.

"Pam, you have to stop and eat and drink something. You're perspiring and I don't think that woman at the last sale table was actually going to buy a tank top that would hardly cover her bosoms let alone…"

"Donnie, you just don't understand about shopping and as for that fat cow, she just wanted to keep me from getting it. That tank would have looked so nice with – "

"Pamela Jones, get hold of yourself. Your nostrils are flaring and your pupils are pinpoints and those are definite indicators of the onset of a 'Nebraska ass whooping'. We cannot draw undue attention to ourselves and being arrested for assaulting a woman dragging around an oxygen tank behind her walker…"

She still felt the heat of battle that descended upon the true shopper and food was not going to make it go away. She spotted a 'SALE!' sign on a placard outside a store and off she went leaving 'Don' at the food court table hastily gathering up her spoils and speed walking after her.

The trunk of the Malibu was full, the backseat was full and 'Don' had a large bag on his lap. 'Pam' had finally succumbed to the heat of battle and they now were the proud owners of several items that they'd never need but had acquired since they were 'on sale'. She had also hit the liquor store but those purchases were in the trunk in a Seagram's cardboard carton that contained no Seagram's at all.

"If we come here once a month, I'll be satisfied living in Hidden Valley, Donnie. That was so much fun and look at the money we saved by running the sales. We got everything on my list and yours except dress shirts and suits and those are iffy items anyway. God, that was fun!"

There was no immediate reply so she turned on the radio and flipped from one station to another until finally she found some music she could sing along with. The drive back took infinitely longer than the drive down had taken, or so it seemed to 'Don' who was getting a headache from Pam's off-key warbling.

"What'cha cookin' tonight, Donnie? I'm really starved. Shopping burns up a lot of calories."

"Um, maybe we could eat in town at that Pizza Hut we saw? I really didn't plan ahead for dinner. Nothing is defrosted."

Pizza Hut

They shared a pizza (no anchovies) and then the silence set in. They had nothing to talk about and it was apparent that the couple was uncomfortable with one another. Pam refused to wear her engagement and wedding rings ('They feel funny so I don't wear them) while Don wore his, never really noticing it.

He wondered just how poor an actress she'd been back in Pasadena because she couldn't seem to find a comfortable 'fit' in the role she had to play here.

While Don paid the bill, Pam went outside (I'll be in the car) but ended up talking to a guy who drove up in a pickup truck and wore a baseball uniform complete with cleats. She was in full flirt-mode and the guy had just come from an American Legion baseball game (I play 1st base, Pam, because I have a bad knee). He checked her out and liked what he saw. There was very little fresh meat in Hidden Valley.

His name was Carl Pilgreen and he was ready to ask her out when a tall and gangly man walked out of the Pizza Hut and got in the car that was obviously hers.

"Brother?" he asked, hopefully.

"Husband, unfortunately." She wasn't thinking at all and Carl picked up on the vibe of unhappiness and skipped the 'date' and went right for throat.

"That's too bad. I think maybe you could use a change, right, Pam? Why don't you drop by the game on Saturday afternoon and then afterwards we can swing by the Legion and have a couple of drinks, get to know each other and…"

"Maybe. Look, I gotta go. Nice to meet ya, Carson."

"Carl, Pam, Carl Pilgreen. I coach varsity baseball at Hidden Valley High."

"Really?" she almost squealed like some high school girl. "I'm going to teach Girl's PE there in September. I'll think about Saturday, Carl." She smiled her special smile and then got in the car and drove off.

Her window had been down a little and the man with the Vulcan hearing had heard every word, every nuance of the conversation.

"You can't go on Saturday, Pam. How would it look if – "

"Hey, it's just a baseball game and a drink afterwards. It's not like I'm going to hop into bed with him. I'm bored and – what did you say?"

"Nothing."

"Jesus, Shel – what did you say?"

"I said, 'Just make sure you don't bring him home'."

"Oh." She felt ashamed for the first time in ages. She was supposed to be married and she had blatantly flirted with a guy she'd just met and who turned out to be someone she'd have to deal with in her role as 'Pam Jones, teacher'. She hadn't thought about consequences at all.

"Sheldon, I'm sorry."

"So am I."

She felt like crying. She was bored, frustrated with the entire situation and now she'd pissed off Sheldon and he'd pout and stomp around like some little kid and make things worse than before.

* * *

He unloaded the car, took the bags that contained his items and went to his room to unpack. A few minutes later he carried down an armful of clothes to be washed and a plastic bag full of wrapping debris from his purchases.

"I'm going to wash these. I don't wear new clothes without washing them first. One never knows – "

"Yeah, I know. Germs. I'm going to take a bath and then watch TV."

* * *

Saturday

The week flew by for 'Don' as he continued running to build up some kind of stamina, googled everything possible about 'teaching physical education', reviewed the District's game rules and did little things around the house to keep his mind off his problem – his soon-to-be errant wife.

"I'm going to go watch the baseball game, Sheldon, want to come with me or are you going to just – "

"You go, Pam. I have some more reading to do and then I'm going to go for a run. The grass needs mowing and I saw a riding mower in the shed – "

"Good. I'll be back whenever I get here." She left him standing on the porch with a frown on his face. That's all he seemed to do anymore was run, study up on football and the latest in Physical Education, work around the house and frown. It was really starting to bug her and she needed a break. She was 25 not 40. She wasn't going to turn into her mother even if he was hell bent on becoming just like her father - boring.

No wonder her mother was so unhappy and drank and still ran around with her high school friends.

Sheldon Cooper watched the woman he loved but could never, ever have drive out the gravel drive and turn towards town. He should have said, "Yes, I'll go with you, Pam" but he knew that would be like tossing a match on an open container of kerosene. Maybe she did need a break from him and maybe it _was_ just a drink or two after the game.

_And maybe I've won the Nobel Prize while hiding out in Hidden Valley, PA. _


	6. Chapter 6

As one of my reviewers said, Lorre does not believe in strong women so he drags Penny's sexual peccadilloes out in episodes in which she has minimal screen time. I did the same thing to make a point but only ONE of you got it. Shame on you.

I made up Hidden Valley, PA so if anyone lives in HV, it's a coincidence, nothing more.

This one's for Clint the Constant Reviewer who keeps me on my toes and writing and for Jislane who worries about offending people when she just tells them the truth.

* * *

The Joneses Chapter 6

He was running out of things to do. He was running out of things to keep his mind away from imagining Penny (no, damn it, PAM!) and that over the hill Boy of Summer in some dreadful motel swapping bodily fluids and engaging in acts of passion like two rutting…

"_Zounds! This cannot be happening."_ Jealousy was not an emotion that he could easily recognize since he'd never before been thrown into such close proximity with any woman let alone _her_ for any length of time. He frantically analyzed his emotional responses and elected to pursue investigating the psychological structure known as Propinquity.

He thought most psychology was right up there with sideshows and snake oil salesmen and bearded ladies but he had to admit some of the literature ran true to his own experiences.

He knew that the Propinquity Effect occurs when two people who spend a lot of time together (especially alone) in an emotionally charged environment are likely to develop feelings, one for the other, even if one knew that such feelings were unlikely to be returned. To Sheldon Cooper, it was tantamount to throwing oneself in front of a bus and wondering why it hurt to breathe afterwards.

He was jealous and that meant that his feelings for Penny (PAM! Pam, Pam, Pam) were genuine. He hated it when he was right all the damned time. Just ONCE he wanted to be wrong but with his superior intellect and ability to unravel the secrets of the universe, it was highly unlikely that such an event would ever come to pass.

_Wait! Once I thought I'd made a mistake but I hadn't but I was wrong about being wrong. I wonder if that counts?_

Even someone as socially inept and inexperienced as he was recognized the existence of the phenomenon as it applied to his current situation. It didn't explain why he was still feeling these emotions even after realizing that the subject of his musings, and here he was way out in left field and purely speculating, seemed to require constant entertainment and emotional stimulation to feel complete.

Apparently, _he_ would never be able to complete her and that was the conundrum he faced.

Or rather ignored as he did all things that were of an emotional nature until he met the blonde across the hall that day long ago. He should have known better but if he had, he wouldn't be Sheldon L. Cooper, PhD.

An errant thought struck him and he felt a little better. He wasn't Sheldon L. Cooper, PhD any longer. That poor sod was dead and buried. He was Donald Jones.

* * *

American Legion Field  
Hidden Valley, PA

Penny knew this was a mistake and yet she smarted off to Sheldon, got in the car and left. She was still stung by his 'just don't bring him home' comment of the other day. She wasn't a slut, not by her definition, but it was his definition that was important and she knew where she came out on that scale.

She had no 'do over' button in this game. She had to get it right from the beginning and here she was, getting it wrong on so many different levels right from the git-go. She waved to the first baseman after the 5th inning, climbed down the bleachers and walked slowly back to her, no, _their_, car and drove home.

She had dug herself a deep, deep hole and she was determined to pull herself out of it and make something of the situation – if only for the benefits it would bring to her career when this nightmare was over.

_Maybe they'll make a Lifetime movie out of my experiences and let me play myself! That would be so cool! Now, who would they get to play Sheldon?_

Jones Residence  
Outskirts of Hidden Valley, PA

It was hot for late June and he'd taken off his shirt about halfway through the 6 acres he had to mow. It wasn't really grass, more like 5.9 acres of crabgrass and assorted weeds and the rest a little Fescue but it grew, it was green, and it required mowing so mow it he did.

It was relaxing in its own numbing way. The mower vibrated his butt into a tingling numbness and the sun was warm on his back and his straight lines began to waver and when he ran into the tool shed on the edge of the 'lawn' and fell off, he realized he'd fallen asleep.

The grass smelled like watermelon and it took his mind back to Texas and eating watermelon and sacking out for a while in the hammock under the big tree in Meemaw's front yard.

'Pam' drove up the gravel drive and saw that he'd finished the front yard and even she had to admit there was something comforting in how the little house sat there surrounded by…normalcy.

"Hey, Don, you in here?" She walked into the house and called for him. She wanted to talk and to apologize and to try and get him to agree to a truce of sorts.

"Don? You in bed, sweetie?" A thought of seeing him naked in bed flew through her mind and she shook her head to get rid of it. Eww. Well, maybe not 'eww' exactly but still…

He wasn't in bed and he wasn't answering her so he must be outside. She walked through the kitchen and grabbed a Diet Coke from the refrigerator and walked out onto the porch and saw…

"Sheldon!" Her scream would have awakened the dead but he was sound asleep dreaming about being back in the hammock underneath the water oak and if he heard it in his dream he figured it was Missy and…

Another 'Sheldon!' and he sat up screeching 'Danger! Danger!' and scared the crap out of 'Pam' who thought he was dead or something.

"What the hell are you doing sleeping out here? I thought you were dead and…"

"You didn't bring him back here, did you?" He wasn't awake and he certainly wasn't thinking when he said it but that was no excuse.

"No, Donald, I didn't bring him back here. There is no 'him', just you. You need to get inside and shower and then let me rub your sunburn with something. You shouldn't be out here without a shirt when your skin hasn't felt the sun in decades."

She stood and swallowed anything else she wanted to say and walked back into the house so he wouldn't see the damage his comment had done. She wouldn't cry in front of him. He was right to question her given her behavior but now she was determined to see this thing through to the end.

"C'mon, sweetie, before your skin stiffens up and you look like a suckling roast pig. For a genius, you sure don't know much about living in the real world, do you?"

"No. I suppose that's why I always came to you with 'life' questions. You seem to know all there is to know about social interaction whereas I know all there is to know about particle interaction. I used to think that my work was everything but I'm learning that it's just a small part of things."

"I wasn't being a wise ass, y'know?"

"Neither was I, Pamela." Penny realized something. He only called her 'Pamela' when he was deathly serious about something. It was a good thing to know since now she had a tool to determine at least one of his many, many moods.

* * *

Later

Sheldon had showered and pulled on boxers and a pair of plaid (where did he get these?) sleep pants and then sat on the vanity bench in Pamela's bedroom. The skin on his back felt tight and on fire and when the first cool touches of her aloe lotion-covered fingertips touched him he cringed but then let out a sigh.

"That takes the sting and fire out of my skin, Pam. Thank you. With regards to your earlier comment, I took off my shirt because it was hot and I fell asleep on the mower and ran into the shed. I was dreaming. About one of my happiest memories of childhood probably stimulated by the smell of newly mown grass and the heat."

"Tell me about it. I've never seen you 'happy' unless it's a new comic book or a new superhero t-shirt or something sciency."

He told her about the giant Southern Water Oak that dominated his grandmother's front yard and how when his Papaw cut the grass it smelled like watermelon and he and Missy used to sprawl in Papaw's big rope hammock and just enjoy the shade of the tree and the day and eat watermelonn fresh from his grandparents' garden.

"That's sweet, Donnie. It's not something I'd expect you to have rolling around in your brain box. It's not sciency at all. It's a real life moment and I'm glad you got to dream it again."

"So am I, Pamela." She'd been watching his face while he spoke and the look on her face was very new and…endearing to him. She was looking at him, not as the whacko neighbor across the hall but as 'Donnie', and he felt that was progress in keeping herself safe. There more she became 'Pam', the safer she was from slipups in her cover.

As if reading his mind she said, "I'm sorry about the ballgame, Donnie. It was stupid of me. You were right. We shouldn't do anything to draw attention to ourselves if we're going to get through this thing. We need to become 'Donnie & Pam Jones'.

He just nodded but was surprised when she cleaned her hands and then slipped on the wedding ring and then the engagement ring.

"It's a nice ring. Just like I want to have on my finger some day when the right guy comes along. Every thought about getting married, Sh-Donnie?"

The question startled him and he blushed. "I don't think about such things. I mean, really, Pamela, look at me and my routines and my needs and my devotion to my craft. Even if there were a woman out there who could think of me in such a way, she'd go crazy and leave or I'd drive her away. No, I think I'm going to be alone…"

He didn't want to finish his sentence and the room suddenly seemed very small and warm and he stood up and pulled on his t—shirt.

"Thank you, Pam. I feel better and I'm certain I will survive being roasted now."

"You're welcome…Don. We'll need to do this several times a day to be sure you don't tighten up. Just don't stray into the sun, sweetie. It's murder on sunburn."

Sheldon nodded and started to leave Pam's bedroom and couldn't help but notice how neat everything was – definitely not a Penny room. The bed was made with tight hospital corners and the old quilt that she'd taken to using as a bedspread was taut and wrinkleless. Everything was immaculate.

"Thanks again, Pam." He walked out and down the upstairs hallway to his own room. He was still tired and felt a nap coming on, something 'Sheldon' would have considered a waste of time.


	7. Chapter 7

Let the Shenny begin awkwardly and hesitantly and clumsily but begin it shall.

The Joneses Chapter 7

The couple fell into a comfortable routine and Pam even tried her hand at cooking although it was mostly micro-waving prepared foods straight from the freezer. Still, it was an effort and he appreciated it.

She surprised him with Spaghetti with little slices of hot dog and his favorite marinara sauce although she added a salad and garlic bread to alter things and her whack-a-doodle never even blinked, just smiled and ate.

Pam still drank the occasional mixed drink and the obligatory glass or two or three of wine with dinner and her husband never so much as raised an eyebrow. Each was making concessions and it was working out fine.

Pam started working out in preparation for her own mini-camp for the cheerleaders and when he suggested she run with him she did. Partway. Just past the driveway.

"Jesus, Donnie, slow down, will ya? Where's the race? And just how far do you run, anyway?"

"Pamela, the pace I set is reasonable for the temperature and I run until I decide I've gone far enough and then I run back. Wait here for me and we'll walk back together. The exercise will stimulate your cardiovascular system as well as tone the legs and buttocks."

He was wearing running shorts and sneakers and a sleeveless t-shirt that had seen better days but she looked his lean muscled thighs and calves and his tight butt and had to admit that he was getting where he needed to be.

"Well, if you're done staring at my butt, Pam, I'm off. See you in a bit." He started off at a pace that was twice what he'd set when she accompanied him.

"That butt head! He was taking it easy on me! Well, we'll see about that, Mr. Toned Legs and Butt." She started off after him but lost sight of him as he disappeared around a curve in the road ahead, far ahead.

"Maybe I'll run with him all the way tomorrow." She walked to where she figured she could run along with him back to the house and sat down and waited for him. The sun felt good on her bare legs and she let her mind wander to Donnie and those long legs and tight butt in the shower with water coursing off them and those big hands of his...

'_Get hold of yourself, girl! It's still Sheldon Cooper behind the mask and under the cover. Sheldon 'OCD I know it all' Cooper._

While she battled with her subconscious over ogling her husband (not Sheldon at all) he came running down the road having worked up a good sweat and the t-shirt and shorts were soaked with perspiration and stuck to him in places of reluctant interest to her.

_My God – Sheldon's got quite a package!_

* * *

July 4th

Pam suggested they check out the town's plans for the 4th of July, saying it would be good for them to be seen as a couple and he agreed. They needed to spend more time together in public and he conceded to himself that that meant holding her hand and showing public affection. _'I can do it. I will do it.'_

The small town celebration was exactly how Pam had imagined it. There was a community band giving a concert in the town park and people were playing softball and Frisbee and had brought food and blankets and were having a community picnic. Some larger groups had brought long folding tables and they were laden with goodies.

"I see now why you brought a picnic basket and blanket. Is this how the 4th was celebrated in Nebraska?" They'd found a shady spot under a large tree and Donnie spread the blanket out and then went back to the car for the cooler of water and wine. He'd spotted the cooler in the shed and cleaned it up and made sure it was sanitized before adding the ice and bottles.

He made sure that when he spread the blanket that there were no anthills or other habitats favored by insects underneath it.

"Yes and no. The town had a rodeo instead of a band concert and there were always games and things to do. We had lawnmower races and those were really fun to watch."

"What else? We went into Galveston a couple of times to catch the fireworks but Missy always bitched about the noise and how it hurt her ears and Dad's Little Princess always got her way so we quit going."

"Oh, we had a fireworks display almost every year unless it was too dry. Mostly I hung out with friends when I got older and the 4th lost its luster to beer and boys."

He was quiet after that, just watching people and how they behaved and interacted with each other. He was desperate to fit in and be accepted as Don Jones, husband to Pam.

"Well, look who's here! Hello, Pam. Sorry you didn't stick around for the game. We won and then went out to the flats and partied. You missed a good time."

"Oh, hi. Sorry about that…oh, this is my husband, Don. Donnie, this is Carl Pilgreen, the guy I told you about. He coaches varsity baseball at Hidden Valley High." She looked at her husband with a pleading look on her face that he interpreted as 'please don't embarrass me with any of your weirdo comments'.

Don stood and wiped his hands off on his jeans and shook the offered hand and gave it a gentle squeeze that increased as Carl sensed alpha male competition and his grip increased but Don had pushed his hand far into Carl's in anticipation of just such a response from the gimp Neanderthal. Carl realized that he couldn't get enough leverage to mangle this stork-man's hand like he wanted to but then winced.

_When you understand the laws of physics, Penny, all things are possible._

She remembered it as if it was yesterday and how cock-sure he'd been of his ability to do pretty much anything – but drive, break his habit of triplet-knocking and so much more.

Pam watched as her husband's grin spread across his face and Carl's seemed to falter and then they released each other's hands. Don put his arm around Pam and gave her a one-armed squeeze but Carl got the message loud and clear: _This one is special. You cannot have her. This one is mine!_

Carl wiggled his fingers experimentally and then invited the couple over to a covered pavilion where 'a lot of us teachers hang out at these things.'

"Let's go, Donnie. We need to meet people in town and this is a great opportunity. No one's going to steal our stuff. C'mon, honey." She grabbed his hand and tugged him in the general direction Carl was pointing at. She wanted to get the two men as far apart as possible just as soon as possible.

Introductions were made and soon Pam was sitting with the women and Don was off with the guys. She kept an eye on him as he went around shaking hands and talking with the guys while Pam tried to tune into the conversations at the table.

"Pam, your husband looks more like a basketball coach or track and field than football. I hope he's ready for a year of big disappointment. The Vikings are in a slump. Heck, they've not had a winning season in 8 years."

"Oh, he's a motivator and conditioning freak. He'll get them up and running in no time. He surprises me all the time. You'll see." Pam wasn't lying. She'd seen his 'game plan' for summer camp and she felt pity for the poor players.

"So, what brought you to Hidden Valley?" The woman was all questions but thankfully the Marshals had anticipated most questions and provided her with a script.

"We wanted a small town to teach in and raise a family. Big city life doesn't appeal to us all that much. Neither of us have close families and – "

"So how long have you two been together? You seem to fit so well together. Watch out for Carl though. He's on the prowl and will sleep with anyone if he gets lucky. There was talk about him and one of the cheerleaders who graduated last year but that's all it was, just talk."

Pam was good at reading between the lines. Carl was a predator and his position as a teacher and authority figure made high school girls easy prey.

"We dated all through college and then got married. Carl does know that they put people in jail for doing what he does?"

"Oh, it was just a silly rumor. No one came forward or named any names. You know how high school girls are…all talk."

* * *

She saw someone press a beer on her husband and excused herself and got up and took it from his hand.

"No beer. No alcohol. You know what the doctor said. No booze, Donnie." He looked at her and smirked. Pam was fast on her feet and had even faster hands and the beer got snatched and drank before he could even think of anything to say.

Pam sat on his lap with an arm around his neck and smiled at Carl but it didn't reach her eyes. "So, Donnie, introduce me to our colleagues here. I already know _all_ about Carl…"

* * *

The group broke up after a while and Don & Pam had invitations to BBQs and to join the country club (which wasn't all that great a place but had tennis courts) as well as just get together with a few couples as friends.

Pam held his hand as they walked back to their blanket and it felt natural and unforced. "Donnie, Carl is a predator and hits on girls at school. No one has made a formal complaint but one of the older teachers filled me in. He's the worst kind of man, taking advantage of his position…"

"Thanks for rescuing me from the alcohol. I don't think anyone here would appreciate it if I ended up mooning the superintendent of schools and his wife. She's the woman you were talking with, by the way."

"No problem, although I'll bet your tight butt would have brought the color out in the cheeks of several ladies here tonight."

"Well, that will never happen. Thanks. I think it went well although Carl seemed like he wanted to hit me all night. He probably couldn't after I crushed his hand. Silly boy thought he would pull the Leonard Hofstadter Macho Man on me."

"I thought he looked a bit stressed when you two were shaking hands. You seemed to like it, Donnie. And not once did you flinch when you shook hands at the pavilion. I'm so proud of you." She stood on her tiptoes and gave him a lingering closed-mouth kiss on the lips and then pulled him down by the hand onto the blanket and spread out their late lunch.

He suddenly felt anxious, a feeling he normally associated with changes in his routine or meeting new people but these feelings had come upon him suddenly and _after _he'd met all these new friends. Certainly his behavior and actions of the past weeks constituted a massive and life-changing alteration in his routines so why did this feeling overwhelm him _now_?

Pam suggested a stroll through town after lunch and he readily agreed. Impulsively for him, he took her hand in his own and the couple walked to the edge of the celebration. Pam had dropped his hand and wrapped her arm around his waist and he felt unbalanced until she grabbed his wrist and pulled his arm over her shoulders and leaned against him, still holding the hand.

"Are you happy here, Sheldon?" She cringed at calling him 'Sheldon' and waited for the reminder but it never came. She glanced up and saw his face twisted in deep thought like she'd seen it when he was muttering and holding a marker over an equation on his white board.

"I find there are moments of absolute bliss that I would never have experienced in Pasadena in my persona of Sheldon Weirdo Cooper, PhD. I know how I am perceived, Penny, by you and the others, so this change has been a relief in some respects but…"

The couple had stopped walking and turned to each other, only inches separating them. Her shorter height caused her to life her face to see his expression but he was backlit by the bright July sun and so she listened to his voice to hear what he wasn't saying.

"…to answer your question, Pamela, I'm happier than I can remember being in my entire adult life." His voice was firm but she thought she heard a bit of wistfulness but he'd called her 'Pamela' and that meant he was serious.

"Good, Donnie, because I'm happier than I've been in ages and I guess what I'm really asking is – "

"Hey, you two! The Couples Races are about to start. You don't want to miss that!" The woman who'd given Pam the 3rd degree and told her about Carl had found them.

The trio made their way back to the park area and a guy Don recognized as a math/science teacher gave them both numbered placards to pin to their shirts and then a quick rundown on the games.

"It's husband/wife 3-legged race to eliminate the crippled and infirm and elderly, then it's the piggy-back race that further eliminates those newly crippled, and finally it's just a flat-out ¼ mile sprint with the couples joined around the waists with a cord about a yard long."

"The winning couple gets a trophy and bragging rights. Carl Pilgreen has managed to find a girlfriend so he's competing again. He's won the last 3 years in a row but didn't have a partner until a few days ago."

The last thing Pam wanted to do was enter the Couples Races but her husband's face was suddenly boyishly happy and she couldn't take that away from him.

Don didn't want to race at all but when he heard about Pilgreen and 'bragging rights', he was all in. Alpha Male was a new paradigm for him and he liked it.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks to all who reviewed and spewed and said nice things.

This chapter is transitional, sets the stage for Chapter 9 and the real deal.

Thanks for reading. It's been fun.

Reparata

* * *

The Joneses Chapter 8

Pam and Don stumbled a bit at the beginning but soon fund their rhythm and came in 3rd behind Carl and his girlfriend and another couple who were laughing and carrying on as if coming in 1st was the Second Coming.

"Donnie, we have got to beat those two and definitely whoop up on Carl and that slutty bitch he's hauling around by the – "

"Pam, language! We're supposed to be teachers and we should aspire to a higher standard of language since we constitute role models for the youth we teach."

Pam raised an eyebrow and nodded, not chagrined at all. Don shook his head. You could take the girl out of Nebraska…

The Piggyback race was a hoot. The couple that had been doing all the laughing came in dead last. She couldn't hang on to her husband because her short little legs couldn't get around his waist.

Carl and his slut came in 3rd while Pam and Don came in…FIRST!

"We did it! We whooped his – " He panicked and kissed her quickly, just a peck, to stop her obviously loud rant and she looked at him with a strange grin and then hugged him. She glanced over and saw Carl and his slutty-butt girlfriend arguing.

They each guzzled down a bottle of water and then they got ready for the final race. There were only 8 couples left and Pam could see money changing hands as bets were placed on the race. Yep, not that much different from Omaha, just people running instead of souped-up lawnmowers.

"Pam, I want you to hold on to my hand and let me pull you along. This is my kind of race and I can see you're winded so just hang on to me, okay?"

"I want to win this so bad, Donnie. Did you see how he kept shooting us dirty looks? I want those bragging rights for us, Honey. Let's smoke him!"

The starter's gun went off and Don and Pam easily surged into the lead. Seeing how far ahead they were, he eased off the pace. Pam was holding her own, matching him stride for stride, grinning and already tasting the sweet fruits of victory when fate stepped in.

She stepped on something and twisted her ankle, pulling Don down beside her.

"Ow! My ankle! Donnie, it hurts!" He reached down and scooped her up, bridal style, and began running for the finish line. He didn't care who won. His eye was on the canvas-covered pavilion with the Red Cross on it. Pam hung on and buried her face against his chest, mad at herself for tripping but feeling safe and cared for more than she had in recent memory.

They crossed the finish line 5 yards ahead of Carl Pilgreen and his skanky girlfriend but Don ignored the strip of toilet paper that marked the finish line and ran the 20 additional yards to the first aid pavilion.

"She fell and broke something. Where's the doctor? Is there an ambulance here? NO? Where's the hospital then. I can carry her – " He didn't seem out of breath, even after carrying her for nearly 100 yards; he was just panicking. He turned around and around looking for some place to lay her down but couldn't find a gurney or a stretcher or anything, just lawn chairs.

"Donnie Jones, focus! I just twisted my ankle. I'm fine, baby, and we won and I'm so proud of you!" She had her arms around his neck and was grinning and laughing and without thinking about it, she pulled his head down and gave him a soul-searing kiss that immediately sent her hormones raging. When she felt him start to return the kiss, she whimpered into his mouth and then broke it off.

"Donnie, we're in public, honey. Wait until we get some privacy for our victory celebration." Between her smoldering gaze and the memory of her moist and soft lips on his, he felt faint and leaned back against the tent pole that supported the center of the canvas fly.

There was a sharp 'CRACK' and the pole snapped in half and the canvas billowed down around them and people were hollering and laughing and he never let go of her, emerging with her still in his arms to the delight of the crowd.

* * *

They were sitting on the hood of their car, their backs against the windshield watching the fireworks. Someone had wrapped Pam's ankle in an Ace bandage and Don had scrounged up some ice and made a wrap for her. It didn't hurt at all except when she put weight on it so he simply carried her back to their blanket where they finished off their food and Pam drank most of a bottle of wine.

"Oh, pretty!" The fireworks were impressive for a small town and people came from miles around to catch the 'Valley Fireworks' display.

They were still holding hands and neither seemed uncomfortable with the way things were. People had applauded when he carried her out from underneath the collapsed pavilion and she blushed and laughed and buried her face in his bony chest. There were a few good-natured catcalls but it would seem that the Joneses were suddenly accepted into the town family.

"I've had a wonderful time, sweetie. Best 4th of July ever. We won a trophy, stomped Carl and his skank into the dirt, met some nice people and…certainly made an impression. Thanks for today."

He turned his head to say something and suddenly they were almost touching noses and she leaned forward but he turned back to watch the fireworks, embarrassed at how he felt.

"We'll need to RICE your ankle when we get home, Pam. Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation."

He was embarrassed by the arousal she caused just by being close to him. He could still feel her smooth thighs on his palms and how nicely she fit against him when he ran. The kiss in the pavilion was the first really passionate kiss he'd ever experienced in his entire life and it had short-circuited his brain temporarily.

_'Propinquity. It's just propinquity. A woman like her, so passionate, so experienced and full of life, will never settle for a socially inept and inexperienced theoretical particle physicist even if he won the Nobel Prize'._

All the psychological mumbo-jumbo wouldn't make the tightness in his jeans go away anytime soon. He needed to get a handle on his emotions before things got out of hand and he knew what a disaster that would be for both of them.

* * *

Football Camp

He awoke earlier than usual and bounced out of bed psyched at the day ahead of him. He had 3 weeks of 2-a-day practices and then formal training and evaluation started in August. He had until August 24th to whip 40 young men into gridiron warriors.

Wrong.

The entire football team consisted of 17 young men of various levels of fitness. Only 17.

"Okay, I'm your new football coach, Don Jones. We have a lot of work ahead of us before the season starts and – "

"Um, Coach, we don't have enough players to scrimmage so how's that going to work out for us?" The question was asked by a tall man who was built like Sheldon Cooper before he came to Hidden Valley.

"We'll worry about that when the time comes. Right now, we're going for a little tour of the town. Group up by school year and follow me."

He had just 'punted' for the first of many times. There were not enough players to make up two teams for practice so how in the world could he field a team to play in September?

* * *

It was early and few cars or trucks were on the road and so Don led them around the square of the park and then onto side streets. By this time the group was pretty strung out and he slowed his pace to allow the stragglers to catch up.

"C-Coach! You're killin' us here. We need a break!" The same player who'd asked about scrimmaging appeared to speak for them all. They were wheezing and sweating and he slowed to a walking pace to allow the others to reform their group.

"I'm 32 years old and I can run rings around you. Too much sitting on your butts playing X-Box or Halo or Age of Conan. Okay. We're heading back to the field and then we're going to talk about conditioning and diet. For young men, you're all in pathetic condition and won't last a quarter in a real football game. Let's go."

He took off at a slow pace and noticed that several people were standing along the curb applauding as they ran by. He wasn't sure but he thought maybe a few of them were young enough to be students and…he had an idea.

* * *

Viking Field

Penny was waiting for them at the field to give Don a ride home. She was wearing her usual white t-shirt tucked into khaki shorts and sandals. Several of the players gave her looks that made her blush until she remembered that her husband was watching. Still, it was nice to be appreciated as a woman.

He talked to his players like he'd talk to colleagues, treating them as equals in name only but still talking at their level and not down to them. He gave them the afternoon off because he had things to do.

Pam greeted him with a quick peck on his lips and at least a few players wondered how he got a fox like that. If only they knew.

"Pam, I've got no quarterback, not enough players to scrimmage, no kicker, a line I could easily breach and an idea. What do you think about advertising?"

* * *

That afternoon the local print shop completed a rush order and Pam and Don walked around the business district getting businesses to okay putting their poster in the window. Several of the owners and employees were former football players and listening patiently to their tales of gridiron glory slowed them down a lot.

"What do you say we risk our health and head for the Pizza Hut, Donnie? I didn't lay anything out for dinner."

"Works for me. Thanks for coming along. It was nice walking around and meeting people and you were great at getting them to put posters in their windows. Hopefully we'll get some interest going."

He was advertising for walk-on players for football camp. He needed to field at least 25 players to have any hopes of being able to even hold a squad scrimmage. He was praying that someone in Hidden Valley could throw a football and would show up.

He hadn't expected any results so soon but when Pam dropped him off at practice the next morning there were several students standing around in shorts and t-shirts.

"Good luck, honey. I'll pick you up at 11. Don't forget we're going over to the Williams at 7 for a barbeque." A quick kiss on the cheek and she was gone. She had things to do. She needed a haircut and a touchup to her dye job. It wouldn't do to have her blonde roots showing. She also needed to see about another set of contacts but that was simply a phone call to the Marshals and they'd arrive by mail in a few days.

_'Donnie needs a touchup, too. His dark roots are showing. I'll get some rinse for him and we can do his hair tonight when we get back_.' Sheldon Cooper never entered her thoughts. She only thought of him as Don Jones, her husband. She never even thought twice about it. It was just the way it was.

* * *

Viking Field

Of the dozen walk-ons, two were sent home. They couldn't even run 100 yards. He thanked them sincerely and sent them on their way. Don called his squad together and took a chance.

"We need a quarterback. Can any of you throw the football? I know you can run." There were some laughs at that comment.

"I can pass, Coach." He looked around but couldn't find the source of his salvation. Oh, there he was.

HE was 5'6" and about 140lbs but he didn't care if he was a hobbit, he needed a quarterback.

"What grade are you in?" He'd added the name, Dexter Quinn, to the roster.

"Tenth grade, Coach. But I can throw better than anyone you got now." He liked the cocky attitude but put it to the test, throwing him a football and telling his linemen to line up. He smiled when he heard the high pitched just changing voice crack on 'Down' but lost his smile when the kid pegged a line drive between two linemen to a wide receiver 20 yards down field.

He had a quarterback now all he needed was a kicker and a few more players and they could finally suit up and begin running drills. Speaking of running…

"Okay, boys, it's time for the town tour. You know the drill. Line up by grades and let's get moving."

There were more people lining the street at this time of day than before. Several of the stores he'd hung posters in emptied out to watch the squad run by. This was Football Country and this was their team.

Pam picked him up as usual and as usual greeted him with a quick kiss that seemed to linger longer each time. He noticed she'd got her hair trimmed and it looked nice and it reminded him of the need to touch up his roots.

"Nice hair cut, Pam. Um, we need to figure out what to do with my darker roots showing through. I – "

"Gotcha covered, sweetie. I got a nice rinse and we'll take care of the hair tonight after we get back."

"Oh, yeah. The barbeque."

They'd fallen into a comfortable routine and Penny wondered if Sheldon Cooper would ever have dreamed he'd be coaching football and worrying about his roots showing and going to a barbeque at a friend's house and holding hands with his wife, Pam.

Nah. Never happen.

He felt the sense of anxiety flow over him and he couldn't pinpoint the source. He had a quarterback. Pam had gotten a trim and she'd even thought to get some hair stuff to cover his roots. Why was he feeling such anxiety? It made no sense at all. He looked down and realized that Pam had her fingers intertwined with his and he wondered – could this be the source?

Nah. It had to be something else. He just hadn't found out what was triggering his anxiety attacks, well, not attacks but it was the best word he could think of to describe the sudden onset of this feeling of dread.


	9. Chapter 9

The Joneses Chapter 9

The barbeque at the Williams place was pleasant. Mickey Williams was a big booster of the Vikings and had brought in some of the locals to talk about – what else – football.

"You got them boys running themselves ragged, Coach. I heard you haven't even run a play yet. You sure are confident in your plans. So – what _are_ your plans?"

"If I don't get at least 3 more walk-ons I may be forced to play 'Iron Man' and if I need to do that, the players need to be in top condition. They suck right now and the 'town tour' takes a little less time each day but for now it's all about conditioning."

"I hear the Dexter boy is going to be your QB. Hell, he can't even see over the line! How's he going to be able to see down field?"

"Well, the plan is to knock the opposing line on their butts and give the boy a clear field of vision."

That got some laughs and someone pressed a cold beer into his hand but just as quickly Pam snatched it and set it aside.

"Baby, you know you aren't supposed to drink any alcohol, not even one beer. It won't be forever. Just until your innards settle back down."

That raised some eyebrows and Pam quickly said, "He's got the beginnings of an ulcer and alcohol is a no-no for now."

'_She's quick on her feet with plausible reasons why I shouldn't drink. Good. Wouldn't do to drop my drawers and moon the host."_

Pam had the better part of a bottle of wine and his beer and Don gave her the stink eye when she got behind the wheel.

"No more drinking if you're going to drive, Pamela. We have to set a – "

"Yeah, I know. We have to set an example for the students. Yeah, well, let's walk home then. It's either that or sleep in the car or – "

"Drive, Pamela. Just be careful."

"You could always get a license, Donnie."

"Nope. Got too much to do. I trust your driving, Pamela, just not after you've been drinking."

* * *

She was extra careful driving home and soon they were sitting in their kitchen drinking Earl Grey and talking about the people they'd met and the things they'd heard.

"Bonnie Williams thinks that Carl Pilgreen's been seeing a senior girl all summer. We need to keep an eye out for him, Donnie."

"Not our business unless they get caught or someone complains. Then it's up to the administration."

"Yeah, well, the Admin here could care less just so long as there's no publicity. The principal position has been vacant since Spring."

"Mmm." He was thinking about finding a kicker or finding someone who knew how to kick and could teach one of his players.

"Bonnie asked me if you were circumcised."

"Mmm hmm, that's nice, Pam." He took another sip of his tea and ran down the roster and picked possible kickers and –

"I'm naked and wet and I want you so bad, Donnie!"

"Mmm, yeah, that's good." He needed a kicker who could also punt. He had no illusions about needing someone to kick extra points.

She grinned and leaned back in her chair. This agreeable mood of his had real potential.

"Donnie, I think you need to get your own driver's license. How about we take care of it between practices tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, Pam. Whatever you think is best." _Monday we'll dress out in pads and at least have a run and then have the line work on the tackling dummies and stands._

"And I think we need to sleep in the same bed, Donnie. I don't think I'll be able to resist your tight butt but I'll try my damnedest."

"I'm sure you will, Pam. What do you think about having a team party before the season? We could cook out and you could meet the players and their families. Be a nice way to start the school year too. I think you should bring your girls out, too."

"Good idea. My camp starts Monday so be sure your guys know the rules, Donnie. No smart comments, no obscene gestures, no – "

"What did you say about sleeping in the same bed?"

"Took ya long enough." She decided to see just how far she could push 'accommodating Donnie'. "I just think it's foolish for us to sleep in separate rooms. We have a cover to maintain and I just think it will make it seem realer."

"There's no such word as 'realer', Pam. 'More real' is the most superlative form of the word."

"Okay, more real. I promise not to abuse you in your sleep, Donnie, and I know you'll keep your hands to yourself." She appealed to his better nature. "I wake up sometimes and hear strange noises and I get scared and can't fall back to sleep. There are bears and panthers and mountain lions in these woods."

"Pamela – "

"Never mind, Donald. I get it. I'll just lay awake, staring at the ceiling imagining all kinds of creatures in our house. I'm sorry but Pasadena and Nebraska don't have bears or mountain lions or – "

"Fine. We'll try it for one night and see how it goes." He didn't want to do it. It was the last thing in the world he wanted. It would be _him_ staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep, and that would wreck his day.

11pm

He locked up and checked twice, anything to delay going upstairs. He had already taken his shower and was now wearing his black sleep pants and a t-shirt.

He had never slept in bed with anyone before, neither as a child nor as an adult. His bed was his sanctuary and he didn't relish sleeping next to someone, not even Pam. Especially not Pamela.

His heart began to pound and he felt faint. The cold wave of fear and anxiety washed over him and he made a mental note to add this event and what immediately precipitated it to his journal.

"Sweetie, is everything all right down there?" Her voice drifted down to him and when he answered his voice cracked reminding him of his fledgling quarterback. Except that he was 17 years his senior and not going through puberty. That particular period in his life was marked by near-constant embarrassment, as parts of his body seemed to have developed minds of their own.

He took a great big breath and blew it out, trying to calm the storm of storks that were suddenly aloft in his stomach. He walked up the stairs and noted there were 13, exactly the same number as there were on the traditional gallows.

The bedroom light was already out and he could see her form under the light summer blanket and so he walked to the other side, slid off his slippers and crawled into bed.

Pam leaned over and pressed a kiss against his cheek and muttered, "G'night, Donnie," and then rolled against him and put her arm over his stomach and threw one of her thighs (he swore he could feel the smoothness of her skin and the taut muscles that lay beneath it through his cotton sleep pants) over his leg and sighed and seemed to fall asleep almost instantly.

'_Good Lord! How am I ever to sleep with such weight on me?_' It was his last thought as he fell into a dreamless and restful sleep.

Sometime during the night, Don turned towards her in his sleep and she moved closer to him and ended up flush against his chest with his arms wrapped around her and that's how they awakened.

For Pam, it was like waking up to find you were still in a dream. For Don, it was like waking up with a full bladder and a woman wrapped in his arms. He mentally went through his list of thing to do and added one to the top: 'Don't move – just enjoy the moment'.

Pam rolled away from him and sat on the far edge of the bed and fought the smile that was threatening to bloom. The 'First Night' experiment had gone off without a glitch. He hadn't run screaming to his room and she'd had the most restful sleep since arriving in Protection.

"Morning, Donnie. I slept so well. Thanks for taking care of me, sweetie." Salutation, situation analysis and reinforcement. The article she'd read on-line had dealt with handling the overly-shy lover and it had been spot on in it's analysis.

"That's great. I have to use the bathroom and then I'll get out of your hair." He levered himself out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom hoping she hadn't seen his morning wood.

'_It's just physiology and it's not like she's never seen one being the Big Ol' Five and all.'_

He finished and went to his room to dress but remembered her ankle and walked back into her room to see if she needed help.

"Oh! Sorry! I just thought you might need carried to the bathroom. Your ankle – "

"I got it. Your RICE thing worked miracles, though. Could you start the coffee before your run?" She was nonchalant about standing in just her panties. This couldn't have gone better if she'd sat and waited for him to come back without her sleep shirt on.

"Y-yeah, I can do that. Yeah. Coffee and then my run. Yeah. Coffee and run."

She chuckled. He could be so damned cute sometimes. She showered, dressed and combed her hair and walked down the stairs carefully and was greeted with sliced cantaloupe on a plate and hot coffee.

He was hot and sweaty when he got in from his run but took the time to sit down at the table and pull her injured ankle onto his lap and look at it. She'd done a half-assed job of rewrapping it after her shower.

"Pamela, you need to take care of this properly if it is going to heal quickly." He unwrapped the ace bandage and gently massaged the ball and arch of her foot and she moaned in pleasure but hissed when he moved the ankle to check out her range-of-motion.

"Sorry. It's not swelled but another ace wrap and a good massage and soak after practice and you should be back on your feet in no time."

"You stink, sweetie. Go shower and then I'll drop you off at practice." She leaned over and pulled him closer and kissed him lightly on the lips and then cleaned off her breakfast dishes. She could see his reflection in the glass doors of the china cabinet and he was smiling broadly, not at all like Sheldon would have.

That became their routine for the next three days. Wake up together and she'd shower while he made her breakfast and coffee and went for his run. When he got back he'd check on her ankle and then take a shower and head into camp.

She was happy with the way things were going but he still seemed uncomfortable with any displays of affection, even in the privacy of their home.

But he always had that smile on his face when he thought she wasn't looking.

Training Camp  
Viking Field

It was the final week of three long weeks and he had a walk-on stroll up about 8am and say, "Coach, I am Basil Petrovna, and I wish to play American football." He was big, at least 6' 1" and he had massive forearms and biceps and no neck. His ears seemed to sit on his shoulders.

"Well, Mr. Petrovna," he always called his players mister, "have you had any experience playing?"

"Basil. I played in Lithuania. I come here from there and my father works the mines. I play football in Europe but not like here. Please, I do play for you?"

His line was complete as was his backfield but there was something about his intensity that made him say 'yes'.

"Okay, Mr. Petrovna – "

"Basil, Mr. Coach, Basil."

"Mr. Petrovna, I address all my players by their surnames. I respect my players and I hope to earn theirs. See the student trainer and get suited up and then we'll see where we can best use your talents."

He could kick. Soccer style. Beautiful long kicks that split the uprights from 30 and 40 yards out. Coach Jones had found his kicker.

He found something else in Mr. Petrovna – a player who was fiercely protective of his tiny QB1. Don told him to make sure no one crushed the quarterback and no one ever touched him in practice.

His team was complete and now he started running scrimmages and plays. He had a few ideas, mostly weird but legal, and he wanted to give his kids a victory for the first time in ages.

His game plan was simple – stop the offense cold, tire them out, run them into the ground and take advantage of his QB1 and kicker to deliver the points. His running game was nonexistent but that would come with time. He planned on passing until they were in field goal range and then taking 3pts if he couldn't break through the red zone.

When the team took the Town Tour the last morning of camp, they didn't look like they had 2 short weeks before. They ran almost in unison and no longer hung their heads or stumbled. They were a team.

A/N: Future chapters deal with Penny/Pam and her issues and the blossoming relationship between them and Don's panic attacks


	10. Chapter 10

The next several chapters are Penny-centric and told either in her narrative or her point of view. After all, it's her starring role that's at the heart of this fic.

Long chapter but live with it. Won't be another along for a bit.

Reparata

* * *

The Joneses Chapter 10

_Journal Entry #1 I don't have any idea how it happened. It snuck up on me and wrapped me up in its coils and tentacles and I was trapped, captured. When it finally dawned on me just what 'it' was I went to the bathroom, turned on the shower and cried for almost 20 minutes. It wasn't supposed to be this way. It wasn't the way I'd planned things and it certainly wasn't the life I'd envisioned as a little girl of 25 who went partying at the wrong place at the wrong time._

_I am stuck indefinitely in the ass-end of Pennsylvania, living (Oh, God, married in name only) with a human computer who rarely seems human, and playing a role that could mean life or death for the both of us – unless I kill him first. _

_He is sleeping upstairs and I'm sitting here writing in this journal because I have nothing else to do. There's not a drop of booze in the place and it's dark and scary outside and I'm all alone with a head case of a 'husband'. Maybe I should have stayed with Leonard. Maybe I could have learned to love him. Maybe a chicken has lips. _

_Entry #4 I started this journal after the psychologist who was one of the two US Marshals took me aside and gave it to me saying that I needed to write down all the things I couldn't say because it would be 'cathartic'. I had to look the damned word up but I have to admit – it has been so far. Cathartic, I mean._

_One thing I'll say for my Dr. Whack-a-doodle is that he is committed to this farce whereas I am merely involved. Every morning when I wake up I hope like hell that tomorrow will be my last day in Hidden Valley, PA, home of the Vikings football team and Donnie and Pamela Jones. I miss my old life._

_Entry #8 I am a wife but unless a miracle occurs, I'll never become a mother here. Being a wife and hitched to the OCD freak of the year is bad enough. A kid would be my undoing. I'd go nuts, postal or something and I couldn't even plead insanity._

_He has his rituals, his preferences and his prejudices and boy, is he prejudiced. No, not in a racial sense, but just, I mean, he pre-judges everything and everybody and Lord help them if they don't fit into a category he can deal with._

_All for now. We're on our own now and I suppose I need to find Dr. Whack-a-doodle._

_I figure that this journal will be a good story line for my Lifetime Movie when I get home and become simply 'Penny' again._

_I miss my shoes._

_Entry #11 It's almost September and as I read this I'm ashamed of myself. Reading my own words, listening to the words in my head, I realize how much I've taken for granted since coming here, especially Donnie._

_When we first sat down together he made one thing clear: 'Don or Donald, never Donnie' but I called him that at first just to piss him off but it didn't seem to bother him at all. Sometimes I called him Donnie, or Don and only called him 'Donald' when I was angry about something._

_Updating history: At first he didn't recognize me at all. I'd had a US Government makeover and that included short hair, mousy brown hair, not at all like my radiant 'Preference' blonde from Pasadena. Oh, and contacts that made my green eyes blue. He looked at me and thought that I was a government employee, one of the drones from Witness Protection, and he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me._

_He wanted his 'Penny' on some level and he didn't see 'Penny' when he looked at me. It was funny-sad in a way. Funny for me but sad for him._

_Note: I think I need to rewrite some of this for the Lifetime Movie. Even I think I came off as a big bitch especially after meeting Carl Pilgreen and practically offering him my body in the Pizza Hut parking lot._

_My poor Donnie. All he said to me was 'don't bring him home, Pamela'. The way he said it and the timbre of his voice, well, it made me ashamed of me and sad for Donnie._

_Yes. I'll rewrite the first days. Even I don't like me._

_Entry #17 The 4th of July will always be my best early memory of being Pamela Jones. We had an incredible day and we won the race and the trophy and Donnie was such a wonderful husband figure. I kissed him and he reacted just as I expected. He froze up and then brought down the first aid tent but he never let me go._

_I sprained my ankle and you would have thought I was dying. He was so sweet and gentle and caring and I think I could get used to being 'Pam' but I still want my crack at stardom. His hands are so gentle and caring and he knew just what to do._

_Entry #22 I think something's going on in his head because one minute he's Don and the next he's all tense and nervous just like Sheldon. I wonder if he even knows it himself?_

_Entry #23 It's been a while but I have to tell you about the great experiment I'm conducting. Donnie is still freezing up sometimes and I don't think he knows why so when we got back from the BBQ I started playing with his head, asking him questions and getting 'yes, dear' answers. You know, the kind guys give you when they're not paying attention._

_Anyhow, I tricked him into spending the night in the same bed saying that I was afraid of noises and couldn't sleep. I guess tricked isn't the right word. I guilted him into it. We'll have to see how it turns out. I don't plan on getting busy with him. It's just an experiment. I don't like it when he's having these panic things. I hope this fixes them._

_Entry #24 Woke up from a wonderful and restful night. I woke up in his arms and it felt so nice. I think I just missed the touch of a man's hand and he is definitely a man if that hard-on he was sporting was any indication. I know it was just a full bladder but I already saw the outline of Donnie's package when he was running and sweating and wow! He's got a deal._

_He made me breakfast and coffee and then went for a run before we go to camp. It's his routine but it's not the same as 'SLC,PhD' had going for himself in Pasadena. It's more like habit, not that damned Obsessive/Compulsive thing he had going on back home._

_Back home. I guess really this is home. I'm happy here but I'll be glad to get back to L.A. and see about selling me in a movie._

_Tonight I need to touch up his hair and maybe take the scissors to it. It's getting really long over the ears and when he wears that silly Steelers cap it sticks out from underneath like hairy wings._

Pam closed the journal and stuck it under the lining of the nightstand drawer and thought about what she'd written.

_'I need to do that every day. I need to record the events that are making up our lives out here in the country. Right now I need to get dressed. Cheerleader tryouts start today. Oh, goody-goody-gumdrops.'_

Pam walked downstairs and followed her nose to the coffee pot. As usual, he'd laid out a fruit plate and some instant oatmeal for her but it was the coffee that she needed the most.

Viking Field

Cheerleader tryouts were a big deal in any high school and Penny remembered her first try out. She had been so nervous that she'd vomited a couple of times before calming down.

She had been good, really good, but that skank Mary Jo Hanson had been better and got the lead position. She got co-captain her sophomore year but was never quite good enough for the top spot. It would come to define her life more than she knew. Never quite good enough.

It was hot and there were 20 girls trying out for the squad that only had 10 spots on the roster. Everyone tried out, even the seniors who had been on the squad since 10th grade.

She glanced over and noticed that the team's end of the field was empty. 'Must be on the town tour.' She watched as her first group went through a simple routine and made notes on a clipboard. She'd learned a lot from Dr. Sheldon Cooper, even if unintentionally, about organizing and documenting things. Each girl had a numbered tag pinned to her top and Pam noted strengths and weaknesses of each girl as they went through the simple routines.

There was no shade and she'd given her girls breaks to get water from the cooler Donnie had loaded up with water and ice from the trunk of her car. Her legs were going to get a nice tan before the tryouts were over unless it rained but there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Not one.

The sun disappeared and she jerked her thoughts to the present and looked up and up – into her husband's quirky smile and an open beach umbrella, smaller than normal, but –

"You forget that you are a Nordic blonde, Pamela, and not used to so much sun. I picked this up from the Five & Dime store on our run this morning. It's better than nothing." Again with 'Pamela' like he was making sure she knew he was serious.

"That's so sweet, Donnie. But I think I need some sun on these legs of mine, don't you?"

He looked down and saw the smooth skin of her thighs and how her shorts were pulled tightly into her crotch revealing the delightfully full lips split by the fabric and he felt that sudden onset of anxiety and almost blind panic again. His breathing became louder and raspy and he was sure he was on the verge of passing out.

"Hey, sweetie, sit down. You've been out in the sun and running and – " She looked up at him but was eye to crotch with him and she could see – oh, my!

"Donald, go back to the guys and maybe hold your clipboard – " She couldn't help it. She giggled and then snickered. She looked at his face and saw the twitching and how red he was getting and then he was gone, long loping strides carrying him away from her and her laughter.

_'Holy crap on a cracker! He was getting – he had a - I turned him on! Crap, crap, crap! He thinks I was laughing at him when I was just – surprised. Happy surprised.'_

Pam watched him as he directed his players through drills and a short scrimmage. Her own girls were pooped and since it was the first day of tryouts, she cut them some slack. She had already mentally eliminated two of the twenty but was unprepared for the crowd that formed around her, intent on doing serious sucking up. By the time she'd sent them on their way, the other end of the field was empty.

She glanced at the clock on the dash and realized that she'd been sitting there for more than twenty minutes. _'Where the heck is he?'_

Pam drove over to the field house and went inside. It was deserted and smelled like sweaty guys and it kinda turned her stomach. She walked down to his office, someplace she'd never been before, but the door was closed and locked.

_'Surely he can't be sulking someplace because I giggled at his boner, can he? I mean this is Sheldon Cooper under Donnie Jones and Sheldon…'_

She had an epiphany of sorts: Despite how well he seemed to adapt, how well he seemed to fit in, it was still all an act. He was Sheldon Cooper not Donnie Jones. He still had all his quirks and foibles but he'd been suppressing them all this time and she'd been ignoring the 'man behind the mask' and now she was afraid he'd snapped.

Pam drove along the Town Tour route he normally took but hadn't come across him. She knew he wouldn't be at the American Legion hall or at the small bar across from the Kroger and she didn't want to go through the Western Auto looking for him.

_'Moon Pie, where are you?'_

Sundown Bar & Grill

"Eight ball in the corner pocket for the win." The solid black ball dropped into the pocket and he scooped up his winnings and gestured to the bartender for another Cuba Libre. Not a Virgin Cuba Libre either.

"Jesus, Don, where the hell did you learn to shoot pool like that?" Carl Pilgreen had just lost another $20 to the Stork Man and he was beginning to think losing to him was becoming a habit. He wasn't used to loosing at anything but this skinny beanpole just couldn't seem to lose.

"Carl, when you know the laws of physics and understand their role in our everyday lives, nothing is impossible, except maybe understanding women. I can't figure out a formula or equation for that. I don't think anyone can, do you?"

They played another game and Donnie ran the table this time, not giving Carl a shot after the break.

"Man, cut me some slack, will ya?" He handed over another $20 to the Stork.

"I warned you, Carl. How about another round? I'll buy again since I won – again." He had his smirk on but hid it carefully. Carl was a veritable font of disgusting stories regarding women and who was doing whom in Hidden Valley. He listened but never commented. Pam would get a kick out of the gossip.

"Coach, I think it's time you called it a day and went home." The voice belonged to Paul, the older Marshal who had done their orientation.

He didn't act at all surprised with the sudden appearance of Paul who was also, strangely enough, the town's one and only cop who spent most of his time out on Route 30 trying to nab speeders.

"Home? Oh, yeah. I can catch me a plane and be in Pasa – "

"Jones, get your drunk ass in the patrol car. Your wife's going to be all over you for drinking with that damned ulcer of yours ready to pop! You didn't come home from practice and she got worried and called me. Let's go, Coach."

He hadn't gone home after practice. He had run for a while, showered at the field house and changed into his casual clothes – cutoff sweat pants and a sleeveless Slippery Rock Athletic Department sweatshirt and then walked to the Sundown to grab something to eat.

Donnie'd spotted Carl shooting pool and one thing led to another and he found himself playing pool against the guy Pam had told him to stay clear of. He was a braggart and ran his mouth but Donnie ran the table and won the first $20 of the evening. He taunted Carl quietly, getting him to wager again. And lose again. It was fun and profitable and he drank his Cuba Libre to loosen up and things got chummy between the two of them.

His 'wife' had finally called the Marshal's Service emergency number and reported his disappearance and that had activated a ton of unnecessary actions because his location was fixed within 10 meters using the GPS tracer in his cell phone.

Jones Residence  
10:30PM

She was trying to repair the damage done by her crying jags. He was coming home according to the US Marshal who had found Donnie in a bar of all places, drunk on his ass and almost spilling his guts to Carl Pilgreen about catching a plane and going home.

Once she sobered him up…she had no idea what she was going to do. Her first thought was to kick his ass up around his neck for scaring her so damned badly but she'd already hurt him enough with her 'Penny' act at the football field.

They would have a talk and maybe make some decisions about how to deal with what was happening between them. The Marshal had been very clear about things: fix it or the Witness Protection people would fix it for them.

There had been a warning in his voice and she picked up on it right away.

"We're still adjusting to being together and he's having 'issues' I guess you'd call them. I'll talk with him and we'll handle it. I promise."

She quickly listed all the things that their situation had screamed at her but that she had carefully ignored, lost in her own Penny-centered world from the beginning. She made lists and this time the list was important to both of them.

First, _Sheldon had killed someone for her. It wasn't deliberate but he'd come running when she screamed for his help. It had been a freak accident but it saved her life._

Second, _Sheldon, who everyone knew was terrified of getting germs from any unclean surface, had sliced open his hand and arm to provide bloody camouflage at the FBI office._

Third,_ his 'my Penny' comment when they'd first had orientation right here 3 months ago_.

Fourth, _how Donnie had carried her after she'd hurt her ankle and how frantic he'd been that there was no ambulance or doctor to 'save her'._

And lastly, the most confusing thing of all, _how Donnie had reacted physically to her, how he'd seemed to be going through anxiety or panic attacks whenever they were physical with one another. Whenever Donnie had obviously had romantic or sexy thoughts._

She noted the transition in her own words from 'Sheldon' to 'Donnie' and just shook her head in amazement.

She had a thing for her husband and he had apparently had a thing for his wife but they'd both been too cautious, okay, he had been cautious since he'd never been in a situation like this ever before. She had just…ignored all the signs because subconsciously the idea of Penny being 'in like' with Dr. Sheldon Cooper, let alone in love, was ridiculous but to Pam…it was a natural progression.

Holy crap on a cracker! She was falling in love with her husband! She started to giggle and then laugh. It was hysterical. A woman falling in love with her husband! A man in falling in love with his wife!

That's how they found her, in the kitchen, laughing, almost hysterically, with tears running down her cheeks.

"Don't say anything, Don. Just let her have her say and nod and say 'Yes, dear' and maybe you'll survive."

He slapped Don on the back and left. That little retirement cottage he'd bought on the South Jersey Shore looked better and better every day.


	11. Chapter 11

Pity Party Postponed for day. I'll be gone for a bit.

Reparata

The Joneses – Chapter 11

There was an awkward silence that lasted about a minute and then she pointed to the chair across the kitchen table from her and whispered, "Please?"

Anger he could handle. Ridicule and rejection were old friends. He was unprepared for what seemed like pleading.

She could tell her request had surprised him and it made her feel even worse than before. He probably expected her to go all Junior Rodeo on him. That had always been her standard mode of dealing with fear – and him - strike back.

"Sheldon, we need to talk." He winced like someone had struck him in the face. He looked so uncomfortable and she knew he was trying like hell to focus on what she said and not what he thought. Maybe sitting here wasn't the best idea she'd ever had. He looked like he was going to puke or pass out or fall asleep and –

"Back porch, Penelope. That way I'll be able to still hear you while I'm watering the weeds with Ron Rico."

She knew why he didn't drink. She'd been there with Leonard when he'd lost his mind and his pants at a University reception for an award he'd won. It still had hits almost daily on YouTube. She only learned about his father sometime later and it all fell into place. He was afraid of like 'father, like son', whereas she was afraid of 'like mother, like daughter' but she still drank.

She was glad he recognized the framework they were going to be talking within: Sheldon and Penelope, not Pam and Don. She'd rather talk to him as Pam but it was important that he understand that it wasn't Don Jones she was falling for, not exactly anyway, it was him, Sheldon Cooper. Don Jones was just the very attractive packaging. It was her Whack-a-doodle who was in the process of conducting open heart surgery on her and he didn't even know it.

They sat, side by side, on the top step, Penny on his left with her feet on the first step down while Sheldon just let his legs straighten out, the cut-off sweats he'd adopted in the heat revealing his long, muscled bare legs. She grabbed his left wrist and pulled his arm around her shoulders and leaned into him, establishing an intimacy she hoped would make it easier for him to understand what she was going to say.

"I'm sorry for what happened at the field. If it makes you feel better, I'm somewhat startled by what I saw and I guess I reacted from nerves and surprise, a pleasant surprise but – "

"Apology accepted. I think I need a shower and then maybe I should sleep in my own room to spare you any volcanic eruptions of vomit. Oh, by the way, I won $80 from Carl Pilgreen shooting pool. He said to say 'hi'."

"You can shoot pool?" New layers of her whack-a-doodle kept unfolding but she hadn't missed his reference to 'my own room'. She wondered why he was with that pervert Carl.

"Penny, Penny, Pamela, when you understand the laws of physics, you understand everything and pool is just geometry and physics…at $20 a game."

"My genius husband, the pool shark." She laughed and hugged him with one hand.

"Hey! I warned him. Told him right up front I was going to run the table but he just – he's – "

He suddenly stood up and darted down the steps and disappeared behind the hedges. She debated following him but decided to give the poor guy some privacy.

She heard the garden hose come on and knew he was 'cleaning up'. Life here was different than Pasadena but rarely boring or uninteresting.

Pam helped him into the laundry room and he stripped off his smelly clothes while she went upstairs and started the shower for him and got out the Tylenol and clean clothes. She sat on the commode while he showered and then threw him a towel and went to her room to get ready for a shower herself.

He finished brushing his teeth and flossing and gargling and then walked to her bedroom door and said, "It's all clear, Pam, and I'm going to wash those clothes separately. I think my stomach acid messed up my t-shirt."

"Okay, sweetie. There's Tylenol and water on your nightstand. Wake me if you need help or anything."

'_We'll talk in the morning. Maybe once he sobers up and feels human again we can get into Sheldon & Penny and then Pam & Donnie when some things get settled. The way things are now, we'll ruin everything if we don't talk and make sure we're on the same page.'_

They say _in vino veritas _[in wine there is truth] and he was beginning to see why his father drank – he was a Truth Seeker. He just didn't recognize when he found his 'truth' and stop. He never did, drinking himself into an early grave.

Don was wide awake and sober as a judge. He was a liquor-lightweight and had only had three Cuba Libres and now his mind was clear and sharp, running over all the possible scenarios of Pamela's requested 'talk'. He hadn't been lying to Pilgreen when he said he didn't understand women. It was the Truth he was seeking but his head told him to look elsewhere than liquor for the answer to his questions. He was terrified of becoming his father who drowned himself in booze rather than accept his own personal Truth.

Don decided that he'd had enough of being 'Sheldon Cooper' since that's whom Penny/Pam wanted to talk with. He much preferred good ol' Donnie Jones who was confident and driven and seemed to have the perfect wife.

It was like having two separate people in his head. One (Sheldon) kept after him about structure and context whereas the other (Donnie) went with the flow, adapting and changing as situations evolved over time.

He wondered if his mother took him to be tested right now, would the psychiatrist suggest a mental hospital? Poor Pam had no idea that Propinquity was the reason for her sudden interest in a guy she thought was 'weirdly dysfunctional and strange' a few short months ago.

He kept telling himself that, over and over, Propinquity, Propinquity, Propinquity, until the syllables were nonsense sounds and the word ceased to mean anything at all.

It didn't make it hurt any less. He reached behind the dryer and took out a pack of Marlboro Lights that Paul had given him 'for camouflage' and lit one using the lighter he'd also given him. His dad had smoked.

Not wanting to stink up the house, he went out on the back porch and sat, smoking but not inhaling, and wondering when all this would end. Escobar couldn't hide forever and when he got caught, she'd leave, testify and then be free to pick up the pieces of her life.

Meanwhile, the subject of his thoughts tossed and turned and couldn't find a comfortable position or frame of mind that would allow sleep to take her away for a while.

Frustrated and angry with herself, she tossed off the sheet and pulled on a t-shirt and walked over to Donnie's room and opened the door. It was empty.

'_He probably fell asleep waiting for the dryer. I'll just wake him up and say what I have to say and then, unless he still feels sick, take him to bed and hold him all night. I miss him. Even when he's here he's not, and I miss my Donnie.'_

He lit another cigarette. It gave him something to do with his hands. He wondered if he should take up a hobby or something to keep busy after she left for home?

Pam walked downstairs and heard the dryer running and smiled, imagining him sitting on the floor asleep against the dryer. But he wasn't. He wasn't anywhere on the first floor at all, not even in the never-used living room with it's entertainment center that never got to fulfill its purpose nor was he sprawled across the couch.

She looked out the back door and saw him sitting halfway down the porch steps – smoking!

"Donnie Jones, what the hell are you doing! Put that damned cigarette out this minute." _Smoking? First drinking and now smoking. What next? Whoring_ _around?_

She'd startled him out of a daydream that would have made him blush even more if she'd known the subject and players in his dream.

"Protective coloration, Pamela. Camouflage. Paul told me to do things I'd never do back in – before we got here so I light up but like the President, I don't inhale. Go back to sleep, Pam. I'm just – thinking."

She sat on the step behind him, her legs on either side of him and pulled him back against her. She plucked the cigarette from his hand and threw it out into the yard.

"You don't need camouflage here, Donnie, unless – never mind. Look, we really need to talk. What happened today – "

"I accepted your apology and it's history, okay. I don't want to talk about it ever, ever again."

"I meant you being 'lost' and me freaking out thinking they'd got you somehow. I called the emergency contact number and the Marshal had to go find you. You almost blurted out the truth about 'home' to Carl Pilgreen. That's pissed off the Marshals and we need to get our act together or they'll 'do something'."

He tried to sit up but her arms were around his chest and he couldn't get leverage. She tightened her grip until he relaxed and lay back against her.

"I should have called you but I lost track of time. I'm sorry. I didn't think about how you might react. I won't hit up the Sundown any more although their hamburgers are almost as good as the Cheesecake Factory's."

"Maybe we could go there together some night, like a date or something?"

"Or something." Nothing could come of this. She'd be gone and he'd be stuck here alone just like he'd spent almost all his life. He should be used to it by now. He was alone in a crowd of people. It was how it was with him until _she_ came into his life and created such a vortex of emotions in him that he thought he'd subjugated and beaten into submission long ago.

"I could teach you to play pool so you won't starve between movies." He laughed and she smacked him lightly but was secretly thrilled. Progress of sorts.

They sat there, not saying anything, for quite a while until Pam said, "Come to bed, Donnie, and hold me in your arms and tell me all your secrets and I'll tell you all of mine."

"Pamela, you know good and well I can't keep a secret."

"Then you'll just have to listen to mine. But instead of telling me secrets, will you just answer a few questions honestly?"

"Of course. You know I cannot lie. Will we be Penny and Sheldon or Don and Pam?"

"Both. But I have one condition – carry me to bed like you carried me after I hurt my ankle." She felt him tense up. "Humor me, Donnie, please?"

"You need to let me stand up first, Pam." Blushing, she let go of him and squealed when he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, caveman style, easy enough to do since he was a couple steps below her.

Laughing and pounding lightly on his back as if resisting, she felt the hand that wasn't crooked behind her knees hesitantly caress the backs of her thighs and then jerk away as if the skin were suddenly hot.

"S-sorry. I f-forgot about the clothes in the dryer." He set her back on her feet and left her standing there in surprise and confusion.

"Penny, you know that 15% of all fires in the home as the result of untended or overheated dryers and this is a wooden structure. Go on up to bed. I'll see you in the morning. Good night."

His voice was steady and had that pedantic tone she'd heard so often when 'SLC, PhD' was in lecture mode. She never expected to hear it here or now.

He reset the dryer's timer and then sat on the folding table and pushed the door closed with his foot, shutting her out.

She felt tears well up and she started to do just as he asked but stopped and kicked open the door with her bare foot and stalked into the laundry room.

"No! You don't get to do this, Sheldon Cooper. You _lost_ the right to toss me out of your life when you bashed that goon's head in and then sliced yourself open and bled all over me to save me and then made me care about you and – and - and fall in love with you. You have no right, Donnie Jones, to turn your back on me!"

Big, fat tears oozed down her cheeks when she scrunched her eyes closed to try and hold them in. She couldn't fall apart now. She had to stay strong and focused else he'd find some way to slip away and if he did, she'd never find the courage to confront him again.

"It's a crush, a transient infatuation because we're in a stressful situation. Although I don't believe in psychology, there is a dysfunctional condition that fully explains this, Penny. It's called Propinquity. Propinquity is the social condition whereby one feels emotional attraction to another due to – "

She slapped him. Hard. The sound of her palm striking his cheek was like a gunshot.

"Do not go there, Sheldon Cooper. Don't even try to explain away how I feel as – as stress. You feel something, too, and it's not stress, it's love and you're trying like mad to make it something you can explain away so you don't have to deal with it. Well, _DEAL WITH IT!_"

She reached out to him and he flinched when her palm touched his cheek where she'd slapped him. She stepped forward and slipped her palm around the nape of his neck and softly pressed kisses into the reddened area and then back along his jaw line until her lips were touching his ear.

"I'm sorry I slapped you. You make me a crazy person when you deny how you feel using sciency stuff as a shield. I love you and it's not a crush." She ran her tongue around the outside of his ear and when her breath touched his ear he moaned deep inside where he hid himself.

Encouraged by his response, she placed an open mouthed kiss on the pulse point just below his ear and sucked on it, running her tongue around it. She felt his pulse falter and then speed up. He wrapped one arm around her waist and he ran his free hand up her back and let his fingers tangle in the short hair at the nape of her neck.

She spoke very softly so as not to spook him. "See? I don't bite – unless you want me to. Let's go to bed like I said. I know it's too soon for anything really physical and we're both kind of frazzled now but I really want to cuddle up tonight and wake up with you in the morning, okay?"

He didn't trust himself to speak so he just nodded and then rested his cheek on her head, not wanting to move for a few moments. He wished he'd turned out the laundry room lights when he'd left for his smoke.

He thought about football, some of the comments Carl Pilgreen had made and found his key when he thought about Pam making her triumphant return to Pasadena and her reunion with Leonard. That did it. The erection he'd been sporting wilted, leaving only a telltale stain on his shorts as evidence that it had ever happened.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Don't hate me for this. It's the things work but there's always hope. Remember, I don't write unhappy endings.

Reparata

There is 'lie' in believe  
'Over' in lover  
'End' in friend  
'Us' in trust  
'Ex' in Next  
And 'If' in Life

Jones – Chapter 12

He brushed his teeth and used mouthwash again figuring that Pam wouldn't appreciate his ashtray breath.

He turned off the bathroom light and walked down the hallway to her bedroom and then walked in, slipped under the sheet and lay there, uncertain of what to do next. Lucky for him, she'd anticipated his uncertainty and curled up with her back against him and pulled his arm over her and then sighed.

"See? Perfectly painless and now we'll sleep well and wake up refreshed and ready to tackle another day, sweetie."

It wasn't painless for him. His testicles ached and he found the touch of the backs of her thighs on his to be pure torture and when she snuggled her butt against his crotch in an innocent attempt to get 'closer', he thought he'd die of embarrassment.

"Pam, please don't…"

She gave her butt a little shimmy and smiled when she heard him groan deep in his chest. Her smile faltered when she felt something growing against her, something hard and rather lengthy and it was her turn to stifle a moan.

He shifted himself around a bit and then settled against her and fell asleep. His even breathing was comforting and soon she followed him.

* * *

He awoke at 5:45am as usual and gently untangled himself from her arms and legs and hit the bathroom and then went back down the hall and dressed. By 6:00 he'd made coffee, cut her up a fruit plate and then hit the gravel drive for his morning run.

"Donnie?" Her arms flailed around trying to locate him when she heard the screen door on the rear porch slam.

'_Damn it! I wanted to make him breakfast this morning and serve it to him here in our bed. Damn whack-a-doodle Don and his schedules.'_

Pam got out of bed, tossed her night clothes on the floor and walked to the bathroom for her morning shower. She had slept really well but had awakened a few times when he shifted around, once actually pulling her onto his chest when he moved to sleep on his back. She didn't mind at all since one hand had ended up cupping her butt and the other holding her head to his chest.

She walked downstairs and saw that it was overcast and she could hear thunder in the distance. Their contingency plan for rain was simple – move practice into the gymnasium for both her girls and his team. At least a rainstorm would cool things down.

He was about two miles from the house when it started to rain and he turned back and sped up. He needed to get to school and open the gym for the team and the girls who were still trying out for the squad. By the time he got in sight of the gravel drive he was soaked to the skin and the rain was coming down in sheets.

'Pam was standing on the porch watching the rain pour down and looking for her husband to come running up the drive any second now.

_Where the hell is he? I'm going to drive up and meet him and get him out of this rain.' _She grabbed a towel from the bathroom and was walking down the steps when she heard the back door slam.

Next Pam heard the dryer door slam shut and then the dryer start so she walked into the laundry room and handed him a towel. He was standing there in just his running shoes.

"Here's a towel, honey. I was just going to jump in the car and meet you." Her eyes roamed over his naked form and she felt an intense surge of lust but turned and walked into the kitchen. He never said anything but she knew his first instinct was to 'duck and cover' but other than an uncontrolled twitching, he hadn't done anything more than nod his head and frantically grab for the towel.

* * *

It rained off and on for the remainder of the week although Don still took the team for its Town Tour regardless of the weather. He was surprised at how well the team had adapted and also at how many people braved the rain and stood along the route, most with umbrellas but a few in just their street clothes.

Penny's selections were complete with surprisingly little whining, crying or complaining. She'd posted her point summary on the board in the gym and her selections were based purely on talent and merit, not on looks or who was related to whom. The captain from the previous year was not selected as one of the eight but did land a spot as one of the two reserve cheerleaders.

* * *

Team & Squad Party  
Saturday  
Jones Residence

The couple had invited the team & cheerleader and their families and a few Boosters to the end-of-camp party and they thought they had enough sodas, juices, hot dogs and hamburgers but they were wrong.

The Boosters brought Boosters and some folks just invited themselves and by 11am there were more than 200 people crowded around on the grass surrounding the house, playing Frisbee, talking with each other and drinking the beer that they'd brought themselves in the shade of the trees. A few had liquor bottles but kept them well away from the younger set.

Pam was in a panic. "Donnie, you need to go to the Kroger and buy out the hotdogs and beans and – "

She was interrupted by the sound of several car and truck horns pulling into the driveway and parking as close to the house as they could get. One of the trucks was pulling a huge BBQ contraption and several men helped wheel it into the backyard.

"Thought ya might be needing some fire for all those burgers and hot dogs." The owner of the Sundown grinned at Donnie and smiled at Pam. "There's 20 dozen hot dogs and buns and more sodas and ice in the back of the pickup trucks. You should have let the Boosters help out, Coach. Hell, that's what we're here for!"

Pam hugged Donnie and grinned and then went to help cook and serve but several of the Booster wives just shooed her away. "This is our pleasure, Miz Jones. It's the least we can do for the team and the Coach. We brought paper plates and salads and baked beans and chips so you run along, dear. We're gonna have a fine season and them boys are different this year. They got fire in their bellies!"

The party broke up about 4pm and Penny was dragging ass and Donnie wasn't far behind her. The Boosters had saved the day and they'd insisted on leaving the uncooked 'leftovers' for the couple as well as beans and chips and sodas and anything else that hadn't been eaten.

"I hope you like hamburgers and hotdogs and chips because we need to eat all this before it spoils. My God, the food those people ate! Did you have any of that potato salad? It had more pepper and hot stuff than Mexico! And I know it's not lady-like, Sheldon, so don't start lecturing me, but those beans could fuel a small city as soon as they get….y'know, never mind."

"I didn't eat much. Too busy answering questions, dodging 'suggestions' and meeting the guys' parents."

"Then finish up cleaning up and hauling those trash bags out to the road and I'll figure out something to cook. We hardly have a thing in the fridge."

"Sarcasm?" He could never be certain with her.

"Humor. I exaggerated the circumstances."

"Okay." He grabbed two of the dark green trash bags and took them out to the road for pickup. After several trips the yard was clear of trash although he wouldn't need to mow for sometime thanks to the crowd and their cars and trucks.

They picked at supper, watched Pam's movie selection on cable, and then headed upstairs to shower and go to bed. It was a comfortable routine for Donnie although Pam seemed to be 'stepping up' the physical aspects of their cuddling.

She started whispering 'I love you, Donnie' before falling asleep and never seemed to mind when he said nothing in response. Pam knew he was wrestling with his emotions and trying to sort through his feelings and that soon enough he'd respond with those 3 little words that would light up her life.

Pam began to wear less and less to bed ending up wearing only a long t-shirt. She also made no attempts to 'duck and cover' as Sheldon still did. She wasn't trying to seduce him or use sex to force him to do something he wasn't prepared for. She didn't go out of her way to be fully or partially nude around him but then again, she didn't avoid such opportunities either.

"Sheldon, can I ask you a very personal question?"

"Yes, Penny. I presume this has to do with – "

"Are you a virgin?" That's not what he expected at all. He thought she was going to ask him why he couldn't say those 3 little words but her question stunned him and he had a hard time saying the 3-letter word but finally stammered out "Y-yes."

"That's nice to know, honey. Um, I ah, well, I mean, are you…"

"I'm not gay, Penny. I have nothing against what people do in the privacy of their own homes."

"I'm glad you're a virgin, Donnie. I just wish I was, too, although it'll make things easier for us when we finally do it."

"You mean when we finally – "

"Please don't say 'have coitus', sweetie. It's a real mood killer."

"I was going to say 'make love' since that's what you really want, isn't it, Pamela? Not sex. The real deal with commitment and – "

"That's right, sweetie. Could we, I mean, would you mind, ah, can I kiss you, Donnie? I haven't forgotten the First Aid tent and how sweet it was. Can I have another?" He licked his lips and nodded.

She leaned in and touched her lips to his and felt his curl up into a smile and her hands had minds of their own and one snaked around his neck, holding him in place while the other trailed down over his chest, her nails lightly dragging against his skin until she reached his stomach and the waistband of his boxers and the she stopped.

She broke off the kiss but their lips were almost touching and she half-whispered, "I promise to take it slow, baby. You'll have to excuse the occasional slip up, okay?"

He nodded and then ran his palm up the back of her thigh until he was palming her butt cheek. His breath was coming faster and she chided herself for not wearing panties. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel threatened or uncomfortable. This was foreplay and she didn't care if it took months, she would not push him faster than he was willing to go. Small steps.

Another kiss and she boldly ran her tongue along his lower lip and almost giggled when he broke off the kiss and rubbed his lip. "Tickled and I was ill-prepared for such a move on your part." He surprised her then by slipping his hand behind her head and pulling her the few millimeters distance to his lips. He ran his tongue lightly across her lower lip and then laughed when she pulled back and rubbed it.

"Not funny, Donnie. I didn't mean to tickle you but you deliberately – " He kissed the corner of her mouth and then pulled her over onto him, their most frequent sleeping position, and kissed the top of her head and muttered 'night'.

* * *

Viking Field  
Saturday afternoon  
Exhibition game

Pam looked at the scoreboard clock and worried her thumbnail. The score was 7-0 in favor of last year's district champs but that had been a kickoff return that started the 2nd half. So far, the visitors had been rudely treated, actually having negative yardage thanks to the Viking defense that seemed impregnable.

She watched Donnie standing on the sidelines with his clipboard held behind his back and his other hand resting on his hip. He never seemed to get excited about any play but just stood there, watching the game unfold exactly as planned.

He let his quarterback call the plays with the exception of 3rd down. He always made some sign and the QB would nod and then run the play. It was late in the 4th quarter and although they had managed to get into the red zone a few times, they could never score. He kicked his ass mentally for not going for a field goal but he wanted this team to score a touchdown – something that hadn't been done by a Viking player in 2 years.

The visitors punted and a Viking player called for a fair catch but was mowed down by an opposing player. Donnie was on the field and in the face of the official shaking his fist in the man's face and pointing to his player who was dazed and had the wind knocked out of him. The officiating had sucked all afternoon long with holding penalties and offsides called against the Vikings more than the visiting team – a lot more.

The official finally threw the red penalty flag - and Donnie out of the game, but didn't penalize the other team for ignoring the fair catch signal.

He was livid but clamped down on his anger and called his team together.

"Gentlemen, remember the plan. Run, pass, pass, then do it again. I expect you to do your best. You've already won the game in my mind. They," meaning their opponents, "have been humiliated and have negative yards on the ground and only 10 in the air. It's time to unleash the Berserkers. I'll be waiting for you in the locker room. Win or lose, you've already proven you belong on that field."

He nodded to Dexter Quinn who looked like he was going to vomit but Basil Petrovna just clapped him on the back and laughed.

"I will not allow them to touch you, Dexter, and when you run, I will be blocking. Relax and do as the coach says. Unleash the Berserkers!"

The final score was 7-6. They scored their first touchdown in 2 seasons. The extra point attempt failed when the center overthrew the snap and Petrovna scooped it up and ran the ball for a 2pt conversion but was forced out of bounds at the 5 yard line just as time ran out.

Pam waited for her husband to finish up with the team and then they could go home. She watched the fans and laughed. They acted like they'd won and maybe they had.

Two men in suits got out of an SUV and approached her and introduced themselves and told her that her time in Hidden Valley was over, that Escobar was in custody and she had to testify before the Grand Jury in Los Angeles on Monday.

* * *

Donnie sat in his office just staring at the man sitting across from him. "You have got to be shitting me! Today! You're taking her away today?"

"Dr. Cooper, Escobar is in custody and the Feds want a Grand Jury indictment quickly so they can squeeze him and get him to roll over on his bosses in exchange for taking the death penalty off the table."

Don scrubbed his face with his hands. "How will you explain her disappearance? We're happy and people know that. You can't say she ran off with the milk man or something."

"Auto accident. It's already being set up. She was driving home to change clothes and meet you for a celebratory dinner when she lost control of her car and hit a tree and was killed on impact."

"No! You can't do this to us! I – I love her and she loves me and you're tearing us apart – "

"It's the way it has to be. She'll be looked after while she's testifying and then she can resume her life. The government will make certain arrangements and she'll have her career back, everything, just like all this never happened."

"But _we_ happened! No! You don't get to do this. We have rights and – "

Paul leaned across the desk and grabbed Don's wrist and squeezed. He was in full agreement with him but he had a job to do. This was the shitty side of it.

"Doc, when this thing with Escobar is over and the heat dies down, you can find a way to be with her but for now, this is the way it has to be, believe it."

"I need to see her, to talk to her even if it's just for a few minutes. Please, Paul, I need to see her."

"It would be better for both of you if the break were clean but I can give you a few minutes. The Grand Jury meets on Monday and the Feds want her in L.A. tonight and they've laid on a plane for her."

Parking lot

"Donnie!" She ran to him and hugged him. She was already crying and he needed her to calm down so she could listen to him.

It took a few moments but finally she quit sobbing but wouldn't release her hold on him. He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears before he spoke to her.

"Pamela, I love you. I love Penny but I love you best. I know it doesn't make any sense but it's how I feel and I'll never love another woman."

"I won't go. They can't make me go. We'll give them the slip and go to Canada. It's only a night's drive and we can – "

"You need to go, Penny. You can have your life back. This is your chance. You can star in your Lifetime movie and – "

"We have to go now. I'm sorry, I wish we could give you more time but – "

"Come with me, Donnie. Come with me and get your life back. I don't want this without you. I _can't_ do this without you. _Please_…"

He kissed her and it wasn't a Sheldon Cooper special. It was the kiss under the canvas in the First Aid tent. It was the kiss in the laundry room. It was their last kiss.

He watched the black SUV pulled away and suddenly realized he was truly alone for the first time in his life.

"I'll drive you to the hospital in an hour or so where you'll identify her…remains and then we'll go back to your house and we'll arrange a funeral service. Dr. Cooper, are you listening to me?"

"Paul, Dr. Cooper is dead, remember? Let's go and get this farce over with and then I don't want to see you or any of your people ever again. Is that clear?"

A/N: The next chapter is written and covers Penny's return and the making of the movie and her meeting with her boys.


	13. Chapter 13

This chapter is NOT what ya'll think it is. Have a little faith.

Chapter 13

Her funeral was somber and heartbreaking and everyone could see the toll it took on the young man who wore a black suit and sunglasses even in the rain. He wore sunglasses to hide the fact that he wasn't crying. She wasn't dead, she was just…gone.

People he didn't even know spoke to him gently, softly, not wanting to add to his grief but wishing to ease it in some small way.

When they drove him back to the house, it was filled with people and food when all he wanted was to be alone. He wasn't rude but he had a life to put back together and he needed time and solitude to get his head on straight and all these well-meaning people weren't helping at all.

He stood in the kitchen, just thinking. Making the first of many bad decisions, he found his cigarettes and lighter and went out on the porch and lit up the first of many.

Just to give life the proverbial finger, he inhaled.

"Don, I'll pick you up tomorrow morning and drop you off at the dealership to pick up your new car. About 9 be okay?" The Marshal who'd driven him around stood behind him, worried at this atypical behavior. He didn't know Donnie smoked at home. There was a lot about what he did that had eluded the Marshal's surveillance.

Obviously, he had no concept of Sheldon's abilities to create and evolve paradigm shifts to suit his needs. This was one.

"Paul, I don't have a driver's license so getting me another car is a waste of the taxpayers' money."

"Check your wallet. You have a valid license and have had one since you woke up here in paradise. Learn to drive. I'll pick you up at 9. Be ready. Oh, yeah. Give me your cell phone. I have a new one for you with a new number. It's standard protocol. Sorry."

* * *

The first days of school were hard for him. A mean-assed old dyke whose idea of girls' physical education was field hockey played to the accompaniment of her damned whistle and shrill and constant criticism filled Pam's position.

She also inherited the cheerleaders and shuffled the roster around and then threw out all the routines Pam had taught them for the more 'traditional' cheers.

It drove him nuts but he just concentrated on what he had to do, like a man lost in the desert tells himself over and over, 'one more step, I can take one more step before I fall'.

* * *

Viking Field

Don sat on the bench and watched his team go through the drills and run the plays and options and smiled for the first time since Saturday. Things were beginning to gel.

Dexter Quinn had taken the bull by the horns and was moving the team nicely and everyone seemed psyched for the first district game. Everyone but the coach. He was going through the motions, smiling at the right times, encouraging his team but inside he was empty.

"Coach, are we going on the Town Tour Saturday before the game? The guys want to know."

"Well, Mr. Quinn, what do you think we should do?"

"It's a tradition now, Coach."

"Then that's what you'll do. Just be here in time to warm up. Would be bad form to miss kickoff."

Dexter Quinn didn't know whether to laugh at the coach's comment or not. No one felt comfortable approaching him and so Quinn was nominated as QB1.

Viking Field  
Saturday 2pm

There was no pre-game pep talk in the locker room. They didn't need it and he felt uncomfortable telling young men to do their best and victory would be theirs. He felt like a hypocrite for saying it.

"Men, do your best. That's all anyone can ask and your best will beat the crap out of theirs. Remember the plan. Mr. Quinn will call the plays _including_ 3rd down for the first half. Let's go. We have visitors and we need to welcome them to our house in proper Berserker fashion."

They won 21-7 and the Berserkers ruled the field for the first time in more than 2 years. The Boosters were leery of his coaching style but figured as long as the team continued to improve, it was none of their business. Besides, Coach Jones wasn't talking much to anyone since his wife's death and no one wanted to upset him. That was fine with him.

* * *

Federal Court House  
Los Angeles, CA

Penny was livid. The bastard had copped a plea bargain and rolled over on his bosses and underlings and was – wait for it – getting put in _Witness Protection_ after serving a few years in a Federal country club!

To make matters worse, Donnie's cell phone number was disconnected and she had no way of getting in touch with him except by snail mail. She sat down in her 'secure' hotel room and wrote a long and rambling love letter to the last man she'd ever sleep with.

Dearest Donnie:

I'm back from the dead. The official story is that I've been in witness protection after the shooting at the FBI office in L.A. I'm supposed to keep telling people how you died in the shootout and this morning they took me out to your gravesite. It's pretty. You'd like it. Simple but functional, just like you. I know, I know, you're anything but simple, my love.

Your cell has been disconnected and I figure it's been done deliberately by the Feds to keep me from burning up the wires with hot talk. That's a joke.

The real joke is on us, sweetie. They only needed the threat of my testimony and the Death Penalty to get the fat bastard to roll over on his friends. How's that for shits and giggles? They didn't need me at all and yet they dragged me away from you and made it so I can never come back without putting your life in danger and I could never do that.

I miss you so much and I cry almost all the time and all I want is to come back to our little home in Hidden Valley and be your wife and lover but I can't.

It's so damned unfair! We didn't do anything wrong and we're the ones being punished.

I gotta go, baby, but I'll write again and maybe we can exchange phone numbers since I got a new one, too. It's 203-555-9988 and I got voice mail so leave me a message and your new number. I want to hear your voice and hear you tell me again and again what you told me in Hidden Valley.

I love you, Donnie, and I'll wait as long as it takes for us to be together again.

Your Pam

* * *

Los Angeles, CA  
Century City Complex

The Feds had at least kept their word and Penny found herself sitting at a conference table with her agent listening to writers present story boards outlining her time in 'The Program'. It was wildly inaccurate and some of the proposed scenes were almost embarrassing.

She whispered something to her agent and then got up and left. Her agent would handle things but she had a story to write and an outline to throw together to present to the writers. The crap they were proposing was just that – crap.

It took her a lot longer than she thought it would but finally she had a bare bones outline and when the team met the following Friday she presented her outline to the writers. She pointed out inconsistencies in their story, parts that were wildly inappropriate (like her character and the character of 'Carl' actually having a hot make-out session in the field house showers) and how the slow development of things between 'Julia' and her husband would build the emotional investment of the viewers in the characters.

She had an ally though. One of the writers was a woman and she immediately saw how Penny's version of 'The Program' would be more emotional and less visual and that was something that appealed to her and would appeal to the demographic of the network's viewers.

Her new 'best friend' got to work and by the following Friday there were new story boards lining the walls of the conference room and Penny finally gave her okay. Production was scheduled to begin in early November and the Networks were looking at a January 'premiere' date and subsequent showings of the film in various timeslots over the next six months. Her residuals would be sweet but she didn't care about money. She'd outlined the story of how she and Donnie had found each other and that was the message. The money was just icing on the cake.

* * *

Hidden Valley  
Jones residence

He sat on the steps of the back porch and lit up another cigarette. He never smoked in the house – not ever. He didn't want the house smelling like ashtrays. He liked the smell of Pam's perfume that still lingered in some places. It was appropriately named because the scent would 'ambush' him when he least expected it.

Don Jones looked forward to the days when he could lose himself in teaching but he dreaded 4:00 when he was done for the day and had nothing to look forward to except a microwave dinner, a couple beers if he stopped by the Sundown to grab a burger, and then sleep – and if he was lucky – a dreamless sleep.

He missed her and her letter came when he was feeling his worst and it made him angry at the world when he read how they'd been used and manipulated to further someone's career and reputation as 'hard on crime'. He couldn't hold his emotions in check any longer and her sweet promises of being together again nearly killed him.

He never thought of himself as Sheldon Cooper, PhD, any more. He tried not to think about his family back in Texas but more than once he'd picked up his new cell phone to call his sister but never finished keying in the number.

He saved the letter, putting it in the drawer of her nightstand and sometimes he'd read it over and over and wish he had Pam back to share the rest of his life with but he knew they'd never be together again once she got her life back on track.

He knew Pamela and she would never abandon him but Penny? He really didn't know her at all.

You see, he'd found her Journal under the paper lining of the nightstand drawer and he'd read it over and over. Donnie Jones saw the gradual acceptance of her new life with him, but Sheldon Cooper saw the manifestation of the social construct know as Propinquity and once free of the stress and forced cohabitation, she'd eventually revert to 'Penny' and 'Donnie' would be a fond memory, nothing more.

* * *

Pasadena  
The Cheesecake Factory  
Early November

Penny was nervous. This would be the first time she saw the boys since she returned. She'd spent a weekend in Omaha but it had been really painful once the initial tears had been shed. There were some harsh words exchanged and she didn't see many Nebraska visits in her future.

* * *

_Omaha, Nebraska_

_Her mother dabbed at her eyes again and again before asking her, "Was it terribly lonely for you, being cut off from all the people you know and love? Poor Leonard must have been devastated. He cried through the funeral service. He and that dark boy seemed inconsolable. He missed you so much and - "_

"_It wasn't so bad. I wasn't really hurt and I had a job I liked and a car and a little house in the country…but Momma, Leonard and I were quits a long time before this happened."_

"_Well I'm sure he felt better that his weirdo room mate was the one really dead and not you. Leonard told us the funniest tales about that man-child. Even your daddy laughed and you know how rare that is."_

"_He was NOT a man-child! A man-child wouldn't be able to overcome his fears and slash his wrist and then down his whole arm to make enough blood to make it look like I was really dead, Momma. A man-child wouldn't have covered me with his own body to protect me! Leonard – Leonard would have pissed his pants at the first shot. Leonard wouldn't have almost knocked down my door and bashed the brains outta the thug who was going to kill me with a hot-shot. He is not a man-child. He's my hero."_

"_Well, he's dead and I'm grateful to Jesus that it's him and not you. So, are you and Leonard going to – "_

"_I love someone else. Someone I met and somehow, someway, I'm going to get back with him. Momma, some day I'm going to bring him home and show you who the man-child is."_

"_Child, you need to abandon these silly notions. You have your whole life ahead of you and to throw it all away on someone you probably just have a crush on…what about your career? It's just taking off and you've worked so hard to get where you are…"_

_She left the next morning after a huge row with her folks about how Leonard was perfect for her and would be able to take care of her when her career faltered._

* * *

It was just after 7pm when she walked in and spotted the guys and Bernadette and, the last person she expected to see, Leslie Winkle, sitting at 'their' table. They looked the same from all appearances. They still dressed like it was the dead of winter with layers of clothing.

Unconsciously she searched the room for Sheldon Cooper but then sighed and pasted on her smile and greeted her friends, feeling like someone fresh from the grave.

Raj cried and Howard had to peel Bernadette off Penny. She'd grabbed her and clung to her like a limpet and they both ended up crying.

Leonard hadn't waited long at all before finding her replacement and she was fine with it. The only man she was interested in was a continent away just finishing up another day of classes.

Leonard was at his smarmy best, voicing platitudes and giving her squinty looks but it was Leslie Winkle who put her new life into perspective.

"Penny, how did Sheldon die?" Not 'how did Dr. Dumbass buy the farm' or some other cutting comment but one of real concern and curiosity. Penny snorted in her own mind thinking about the fine line between love and hate.

"He cut himself and smeared blood all over me and then covered me with his own body. He died saving my life when they shot up the interrogation room and I miss him every day, Leslie."

"Doesn't sound much like the Sheldon Cooper we know, does it, guys?" Leonard's comment drew stares but Winkle cut him to the quick.

"You never knew him. There was a depth to him that he never let others see. It doesn't surprise me one bit that he did what he did. A blind woman could have seen that he loved Penny but couldn't deal with it. I mean it was so 'not-Sheldon' to love someone and yet he did. You guys could all learn something from him."

She leaned across the table and grabbed Penny's hand and said, "Call me anytime you want to talk. These assholes will only make you feel bad," and stood up and put something on Leonard's plate and left.

Whatever she left on his plate got his attention and he grabbed it and ran after Leslie. Penny looked over at Bernadette who was studying the menu even though she knew it by heart. Raj got up to get another drink and finally Howard being Howard said, "Well, it doesn't look good for a June wedding but on the bright side, I don't have to buy them a present they'll store in the attic."

"They're engaged?" Penny felt – she didn't know how she felt. Deep down inside maybe she still thought – but no. Her heart was already lost to someone else who would never break his word to her.

She ended up sleeping on Raj's couch after a few too many drinks to drown out the sound of Leonard's whining about Sheldon. He seemed to think every minor setback was the fault of his ex-room mate and Penny finally let him have it and then got roaring drunk with Raj.

* * *

Cowdersport Holiday Inn  
Cowdersport, PA  
Final Away Game/End of Season

Donnie sat at the bar nursing his first and only beer of the night. They'd finished the season with a 9-4 record and he was immensely proud of his young men. He was just ashamed of their coach. Pam's 'departure' had left a hole in his life and rather than fill it by supporting and coaching his team, he'd fallen into it and had only managed to crawl out of it in the last few days.

The team was spending the night in the hotel due to one of the frequent freezing rainstorms that presaged the onset of real winter. There were 2 inches of ice in some spots and he wasn't going to risk traveling on bad roads.

"Hello, Dr. Cooper. Congratulations on a winning season." He knew the voice. It was the shrink US Marshal who occasionally dropped by to check up on him.

"I made it perfectly clear to Paul that I never wanted to see any of you people again. What part of 'never' don't you understand?"

"I'm just doing my job. I've been worried about you. I know you're grieving and that's good but cutting yourself off from people who like you and support you – that's not so good."

"She's not dead! I'm not grieving! I'm…adjusting."

"Please don't make a scene, Dr. Cooper. I just wanted to talk for a bit, see how you're doing and offer my help to speed up your 'adjustment', that's all. I know life dealt you a shitty hand but it's the hand you have to play."

He blew a smoke ring in her general direction but she was undeterred. "She can't come back because she 'died' here and you'd be dead in a month if you suddenly popped up in Pasadena. The Cartel would think you're the one responsible for Escobar's sudden sense of civic responsibility. They still want revenge for Johnny 'Hot Shot' Jimenez and the reward for you is almost a quarter of a million bucks. You're a valuable commodity, Sheldon. Not bad for a Theoretical Particle Physicist."

Donnie stood up, stubbing out his cigarette in the ash tray. "Are we done?" He wanted this dishwater blonde out of his face. She reminded him of Pam and it was the last thing he needed, another damned reminder.

"Donnie, we've only just begun. Now, tell me, how are you coping? Seeing anybody?" She looped her arm through his and led him toward the bank of elevators.

The clicking of her heels on the faux-marble flooring reminded him of Pam's clattering across the floor when they were late for a social occasion and he flashed on an image of her fighting to put an earring on while walking and talking. He loved how she struck her tongue tip out of the corner of her mouth when concentrating on something physical.

"I will be. You've convinced me that resurrecting myself will only put Penny in danger. She's 'Penny' again and 'Pamela Jones' is in Pine Grove Cemetery. To be with her…is all I want in life now but she might be an innocent victim of their attempts at revenge and I can't take that chance. Sheldon Cooper is dead. Penny is safe. That's good enough, don't you think?"

"You really, really love her, don't you? To give her up rather than risk her becoming collateral damage…makes me believe in the existence of true love. Sad thing is, Donnie, she'll never know how far you've gone to protect her."

"I'll know. That's enough."

She leaned over and whispered, "They've closed the interstate because of the freezing rain and I'm stuck here, Donnie, and the hotel is booked solid. Can I crash on your couch?"

"There's a king-sized bed, Marshal."

"Lindsey, Lindsey Morton."

"It's still a king-sized bed, Marshal Morton."


	14. Chapter 14

I'll bet there were a lot of 'NO!' comments about the last chapter since the # of reviews sucked like a Dyson, especially for one reviewer whose feelings were hurt by a character description. You can read my review in response if you have insatiable curiosity.

I have a great reason for being in a crappy mood. What's yours?

Reparata

* * *

Jones – Chapter 14

Cowdersport Holiday Inn  
Cowdersport, PA  
Final Away Game/End of Season

He swiped the lock with his key card and gestured for her to go ahead in. He flipped on the bathroom light and then closed the drapes.

"I'll freshen up and be right back, Donnie." Lindsey went into the bathroom and closed the door and emerged a few minutes later wearing just her matching bra and panties. It was dark but she easily found the bed and slipped between the covers and reached out for him.

"Donnie? Where are you?"

"On the couch, Lindsey. Sweet dreams."

"Wait! What the hell's going on here?" She was totally confused.

"Well, I'm sleeping on the couch and you're sleeping in the bed. A gentleman would not have it any other way."

"But I thought we'd share the bed and maybe…" It suddenly dawned on her that what she thought she heard wasn't at all what he'd meant in the bar.

"I have a valid Pennsylvania driver's license and a marriage license issued by the state. If the license is legal and valid, then it follows that the marriage license issued by the same authority is also legal and valid. Ergo, I am legally married and I don't cheat. I will have to – "

"Donnie, she'd _dead_! D-E-A-D _dead_! You're not married. You're a widower if you stretch your imagination. You're not cheating if you see someone else."

"Goodnight, Marshal Morton. I'm tired. We can argue semantics over breakfast if you're still here. My treat."

She was gone at 7am when he awoke. The freezing rain had turned to just rain and he felt comfortable driving on wet roads. His plan was to follow the motor coach that the Booster Club had rented for the team and make sure they got to Hidden Valley safely before returning home. He showered and when he looked in the mirror to shave he saw that she'd left him a note in lipstick on the mirror:

SHE'S DEAD!  
You're Alive.  
Don't be a fool.  
Start Living.  
Can we at least be friends?

"Well, that was certainly rude of her. Dried lipstick is a bugger to remove from glass once it dries!"

He wasn't crazy or stupid. He made note of the telephone number she'd left for him. You never knew when you might need a friend – who had a gun.

It took him 40 minutes to clean the mirror to his satisfaction. He hoped the housekeeping folks would appreciate his efforts.

* * *

US Attorney Office  
Los Angeles, CA

"Wait a damned minute! What do you mean I need to go into 'protective custody'?" Penny was shooting 'go to hell' looks at everyone seated at the conference table.

"Escobar sang like a bird and has nothing more to offer us but there is no way he's going to get off Scott free after sending a hit team that killed two FBI agents and two innocent civilians in an attempt to silence you! We're charging him with 4 counts of capital murder and your testimony will guarantee his conviction and this time, the death penalty is not optional. It's only for a few weeks, maybe a month, and then you can go back into the Program until things cool down."

She brightened up at the program comment. "You mean I can go back to Hidden Valley and pick up my life again?" Her heart skipped a beat and then settled back down. She could feel his arms around already.

"Um, well, no. You died, remember? You can hardly go back and say…well, you can't go back there. We'll find you another place just as accommodating. Now – "

"No! Either I go back there or you can shove my 'testimony' up your poop chute. I go back to being Pam Jones or there's no deal."

"We can arrest you and charge you with obstruction of justice if you fail to testify. You cannot blackmail the US Government."

"I want a lawyer. I'm done talking until I have legal representation. I know that much. I do watch television, y'know?"

* * *

Hidden Valley  
Sundown Bar & Grill  
Thanksgiving Eve 2pm

Donnie pulled into the parking lot and pulled on his rain slicker and ran into the bar. It was raining harder than he'd ever seen in his 33 years. He found his spot at the bar where he could watch the TV, keep an eye on the door and also keep the rear exit in view. He ordered a burger and a beer and then watched the news on the overhead TV.

Lindsey was coming over for a simple dinner and he'd just stopped by the Kroger and picked up a few things he hadn't thought of before. He wanted to show a little appreciation for her last visit. She was right. He had needed a friend.

"Hey, Coach, Happy Turkey Day. You must be pretty happy that basketball season's over. Only one game short of making the Invitational. Not bad, really, considering." He hadn't meant it but Donnie knew that he was saying the basketball team's results were surprising given the depression their coach had finally pulled himself out of.

"Well, I didn't want to be in Philly over Thanksgiving, anyway." Actually, he wanted to be in Pasadena but that ship had sailed. Her letter had pretty much said it all. The Feds had screwed them over again. She was going to jail if she didn't testify and after that, she was going 'deep' into witness protection but couldn't ever come back to her husband and their little house in the country because they'd 'killed' her when they extracted her. She told him to 'move on' because they would never be together again. She had opened her letter with 'Sheldon:' and had signed it 'Penny'.

He called her again and again and it went to voicemail every time. Either the Feds were messing with her phone or she'd decided to minimize the heartache and move on with her life as best she could just as she told him to do.

He completely understood her position and, on some level, actually approved of her actions. His Penny was growing, maturing, and making decisions based on her own needs and not those of others. It broke his heart but it would heal in time, maybe in a thousand years or so.

He finished his burger and beer and left money on the bar and went to his car. Lindsey was driving up from Scranton and spending the night – in Penny's room, alone - and he wanted to be there when she arrived. He was cooking his first-ever turkey and she promised to help him – within reason, and not to laugh too much at his efforts.

She'd been right that night in Cowdersport. They could be friends. He had no illusions about such a relationship ever being more. He had no illusions left at all and that was at the root of his depression.

* * *

Unknown Location  
Thanksgiving Eve

Penny sat alone in her hotel room eating the hotel's version of Thanksgiving dinner early. She looked at her phone and sighed. He called her every day since he'd received her second (and final) letter and she refused to take his calls or even listen to the voicemails he left. It would have been her undoing if she heard his voice pleading with her not to abandon him.

She was stuck in this hotel in a small northern California town until after the holidays. The lawyers saw no reason to screw up everyone's holidays by seeking an indictment and then going to trial. All the players were in protective custody of one sort or another anyway and things would get moving after New Year's.

Penny pulled up her cell phone and activated an app and put another check mark next to the date on her calendar. She'd been gone from everything she loved for 4 months.

No longer hungry, she finished off her wine and took a sleeping pill and sprawled across the comforter on her bed, too depressed to even watch a free pay-per-view movie on the TV.

* * *

Hidden Valley  
Thanksgiving Eve

Lindsey brought pizza and beer and he brought her bag in from the car and carried it up to the bedroom. It was no longer 'their' room or 'Pam's room'. It was just 'the larger of the two bedrooms' or, more frequently, 'the spare bedroom'.

Until today, he hadn't been in it since finding her journal. He had made the bed, put dirty clothes in the hamper, turned out the light and closed the door. Today he'd put clean linens on the bed and opened the drapes and aired it out. That was all he could handle before becoming 'emotional' and Donnie Jones didn't do 'emotional' any more.

Lindsey did a quick 'walk through' while her host was upstairs. His phone call had surprised her. She figured she'd never speak with him again except in an official capacity. They talked and he finally admitted that he could use a friend who wasn't part of the 'Potemkin Village' that surrounded him.

In the three weeks since that first call they'd talked almost nightly. She considered the calls to be unconventional therapy sessions and she'd learned a lot about what made 'Dr. Sheldon L. Cooper, PhD' tick. He was a complex man of extraordinary intelligence who sometimes hurt people unknowingly with his blunt truths. He never said something he didn't mean. He was totally innocent when it came to the social niceties of sexual combat.

He believed that right would always triumph in the end and that there was good in everyone. He had a lot to learn.

'Donnie Jones', on the otherhand, was not nearly as naïve, not nearly as trusting but very vulnerable at this point in his life. His 'wife' had sent him a letter (that she'd read; all mail was reviewed for the first year in the program – it was routine) and it had shaken him to the core and pushed him over the edge.

She timed one of her 'observations' with the arrival of Penny's letter and had witnessed the slow implosion of Sheldon Cooper under the rigid Donnie Jones exterior.

She'd held him and rocked him while he cried for what seemed like hours. She whispered that sometimes people didn't get the easy choices; that decisions are never made in vacuum and that Penny was right, he did need to 'move on' since she was never, ever coming back.

"You're a million miles away, Lindsey. Do you need to 'talk'." He was always playfully mocking her profession as 'junk science' but Donnie always listened intently when she made a comment that seemed relevant.

"Just thinking, Don, nothing deep. It's clean. I expected, oh, I don't know, chaos?" Not that she'd ever want to but she suspected that she could have eaten off the counters or the table.

"Oh, please. That's a typical stereotypical view of a woman who thinks that men are basically slobs and require a woman in their life to clean and press and cook and…" He shook his head and gave her that half-smile.

"Sorry. I just don't like dirt and clutter. It offends my sense of rightness."

"I'm starved. Can we eat? The smell of the pizza in the car on the way in from town…I haven't eaten all day."

Her stomach growled as if to punctuate her sincerity and he chuckled and got out plates and forks and knives and tall beer glasses.

* * *

They chatted about nothing important until he said, "Tell me about Dr. Lindsey Morton. I think it's unfair that you know everything about me and I know little or nothing about you – except that you seem to think that I've fallen down the rabbit hole."

"What?" She was startled by his tone. It wasn't one she'd ever heard in his voice before, but his friends would have. Sheldon Cooper was about to begin a lecture.

"Oh, Lindsey, come on. Do you think I'm stupid? There are 828 families in Hidden Valley according to the most recent census and the distribution of 'new' arrivals is disproportionate to ordinary migration patterns and therefore I surmised early on that Hidden Valley was a dumping ground for people in your Program. Take for example – "

"Ah, that explains your non sequitur 'Potemkin Village' earlier. Any other indicators?"

"There are no jobs opening up. The commercial segment of the community is carefully controlled and seems to be made up of those of 'foreign extraction'. I've recognized Russian, Polish, Chinese and I believe, Arabic in conversations between family members when they thought they were unobserved."

"Anything else?" Her voice was uncertain. This would make an interesting footnote in her next report.

"With the exception of the female gym teacher, the quality of the instruction at Hidden Valley High School is far superior to what one would come to expect from a farm and coal mining community. Also, some of the residents are ostracized from 'polite society' so I assume there's a criminal element in your program."

"You're right. Just don't talk about it outside this room, okay? The 'civilians' don't care but the program participants might take exception to your bluntness."

"Wouldn't dream of pissing in the soup, Lindsey, but you did ask me. Back to my original request for more biographical details on Lindsey."

She was slightly older than he was, been divorced for nearly 5 years, no children, and she lived for her job. She worked out of the district office in Scranton but spent most of her time traveling. She'd been seeing another Marshal but it hadn't worked out and she wasn't interested in a relationship. She made that point abundantly clear and in such terms so that even Sheldon Cooper would understand the nuances of her blunt statement.

While Don cleaned up the debris from their dinner, Lindsey flicked through the movie options and settled on one of her favorites, an old Star Trek movie. She'd always had a crush on James T. Kirk but would never admit it to save her life. Contrarily, she couldn't stand William Shatner, the actor, in real life.

"I suppose your profile of me suggests that this movie will 'soften me up' for whatever plottings you have."

"Huh? It's Star Trek, the greatest movie ever made in all time in any universe. What? You don't like it? You think the 'physics' is lame?" She seemed honestly angry and it surprised him.

"Good Lord, NO! It is by far the greatest science fiction film of the 20th century, bar none. Spock is – " He stopped abruptly and turned away for a moment before continuing. "I had Leonard Nemoy's DNA and personalized autograph on a Cheesecake Factory napkin. P-P-Penny got it for me…"

She leaned over and laid her head on his shoulder. "It's okay to feel bad, Donnie. Just don't make a habit of it. There are good things all around you if you just open your eyes."

"I know but sometimes it all comes rushing in on me, catching by surprise. Sorry. Let's watch the movie."

She leaned up and kissed his cheek and whispered, "I love Kirk but I think Spock's sexy in his own way. Smart is sexy."

They fell asleep on the couch until a sudden gust of wind rattled the shutters and woke him. He was momentarily disoriented but then he stood, clicked off the TV and picked Lindsey up bridal-style and carried her up to her room. He set her down gently and was straightening up when her arms wrapped themselves around his neck, pulling him down beside her.

"Stay with me, Donnie, just for tonight. I could use a warm body to wrap myself around. Nothing more, I promise."

She had bright green eyes but tonight they were a smoldering jade color. Her grip tightened and she whispered, "Please? I just don't want to be alone tonight."

"Be right back." He left, changed into sweats and then brushed his teeth. Walking into the room, she'd shucked off her jeans and sweater and was lying under the comforter watching him.

"I don't want to be alone, either. But just sleep, Lyndsey, nothing else. You promised."

A/N: Poor Sheldon, always trusting, always betrayed.


	15. Chapter 15

Interesting and varied responses. I like making you think you know what's next.

Reparata

* * *

Jones- Chapter 15

Sheldon Cooper would have freaked out, screamed like a girl, started babbling about STDs, unclean and immoral habits.

Donnie Jones was different. He sighed and it conveyed more to the object of his attention (were she awake) than Sheldon's freak-fest would have, and in a much subtler way.

He grasped her wrist and gently pulled her hand from the front of his sweats and then rolled back over on his side. Still asleep, Lindsey followed his warmth and cuddled up against him. She hadn't broken her promise although having her hand _inside_ his loose sweatpants would have been a deal breaker had she been awake.

Awake. He was definitely awake and once again in some discomfort. Donnie slipped out of bed and hissed when his bare feet hit the chilly hardwood floors of the bedroom. He glanced over at his companion and a gentle smile crept across his face. She looked so innocent with her almost blonde hair all-askew and her mouth slightly open as if she were about to say something.

He walked down the hall to the bathroom and showered and relieved the physical ache and then dressed in his room for a run. He hadn't bothered to notice the time but it was dark outside.

He started the coffee, pulled the turkey out of the refrigerator, and then stepped out onto the back porch and gasped.

Snow! At least 2 inches of snow had fallen and was still falling. The blanket of pristine whiteness muffled all sounds and he was struck by how beautiful it was. It snowed in Texas, of course, and he'd seen mountains of snow in Germany but this was different. This was peaceful and surprisingly he felt peaceful himself for the first time in a long time.

He began to run and the cold air felt invigorating and he let himself fly for the first time in ages. He ran and ran and put his mind at ease and just enjoyed breaking through the wall and the sudden flood of endorphins that were indicative of the elusive 'runner's high'.

His shoes had soaked through but still he ran until he felt the beginnings of the burn in his lungs that told him 'Stop!' and he made a u-turn and slowed his pace and ran back toward the house and it's welcoming warmth.

The wind picked up and the gentle drifting flakes became sharp pellets as the snow mixed with freezing rain. He ducked his head and pulled up the hood of his Vikings sweat jacket and picked up the pace. The sun, such as it was, was lightening the sky to the east while the western sky was black and forbidding.

The jacket soaked through in minutes and he was slowing down, fatigue setting in and he was shivering. He had no idea how far he'd run. All the familiar landmarks of the past 6 months were covered in snow and the beginnings of ice and so he picked up his head and squinted into the blowing sleet, looking for something that said 'almost home'.

* * *

Lindsey was enjoying her morning ritual. She'd dressed rather than parade around in her nightshirt and upset Donnie even more than she imagined he was if he woke up as she suspected he had. She grinned and sent a mental 'thank you' to him for the fresh coffee, knowing he was out running.

She took in the turkey, a huge bird, sitting on a platter beside the sink, ready for cleaning and stuffing. _'It's just going to be the two of us. He's going to have leftovers for days and days. Oh well, you can freeze turkey once it's off the bone.'_

Lindsey was remembering other unhappy Thanksgivings in her past when she was startled by the rattling of sleet and freezing rain against the kitchen windows.

"_He's going to catch his death of cold out in this!"_ She had an image of him in his cutoff sweats and a t-shirt, lying in the road covered with snow and ice.

She grabbed her coat and car keys and ran out and went in search of her host, the Popsicle. She saw his prints in the snow and turned up the road to intercept him. She drove slowly, her imagination turning every clump of iced-over snow into his body.

Nearly four miles down the road she saw him ahead about 50 yards or so and accelerated and then turned sideways in the road, blocking his progress. He looked up when he heard the car and waved and jogged over to the passenger door and slipped in.

"Look at you! You're soaking wet! You need to get home and into a hot shower and warm up. What were you thinking? You don't know how far I've driven to find you. How far out were you?"

"C-cold. Was nice until snow turned to sleet and wind picked up. Shower sounds g-g-great. C-c-cold!" The heater was blowing full blast and he was rubbing his hands together in front of the vent.

Lindsey watched the road but glanced at him from time to time. His face was bright red and so were his hands. She blushed when she imagined those red hands on her body and his red face in the crook of her neck generating incredible feelings with his lips and tongue.

Donnie glanced at her and saw her tongue barely slip out between her lips and make passage around them, moistening them unnecessarily. She was blushing and he chuckled to himself. '_Maybe they're not so mysterious after all.'_

* * *

She pulled into the driveway. Her thoughts were a jumble of do's and don'ts. She liked Donnie Jones a lot, probably more than she should. His resemblance to her husband had put her off at first but then she got to know him through observation and found a different man than Vincent Morton had been. She really liked the way he treated her, with respect and distance. Well, the distance part was workable.

The don'ts started to appear rapidly. Don't get involved with a subject. Don't let personal feelings sway you from your duty. Don't let him inside your professional bubble. _Too late for that_.

In the kitchen once again, Donnie gulped down a cup of hot coffee and then walked into the laundry room and closed the door. _No repeats of the last time._

He emerged wearing clean sweats and socks and Lindsey could hear the dryer going. He was toweling his hair so that probably meant that her shower fantasies were a bust. She didn't know whether what she felt was disappointment or relief.

He felt relief. Once again, prior planning proved providential. Having a full set of clothing in the laundry room was a masterstroke on his part. He chuckled at the look on Lindsey's face and then took out his multiple page check list of steps to prepare a turkey.

"Shall we begin?" He gestured with the list at the turkey and she laughed and grabbed the list from his hand.

"My God, Donnie, 'Turn on water at sink; invert carcass and drain; stand carcass upright and fill with water and drain as in above steps; repeat until draining water is clear'?" She laughed and then hugged him. You could take the man out of physics but you couldn't take the physicist out of the man.

"A plan is essential to success, Lindsey. I plan, therefore I am successful."

The turkey was cooling on a pan beside the stove and Lindsey was taking her sweet potatoes out of the oven when she saw Donnie setting the table with three place settings.

"Expecting company?" This was a twist. Maybe he was setting it for his -

He took his phone out of the charger and hit speed dial and put it on speaker.

"Yeah, Jones? I'm kinda busy."

"Um, well, unbusy yourself and come to dinner, Paul. You must be freezing your ass of in that cruiser and the only traffic that comes down the road has already done so. You can guard me just as easily across the table. I wish you would join us. Please, Paul."

He really liked the Marshal and knew he often parked just up the road from the house. Sometimes he took his duties entirely too seriously.

"Five minutes." He was surprised but touched.

"Two. The rolls will be done then."

Dinner went well and Paul and Lindsey traded stories about some of the more unusual projects they'd dealt with – meaning subjects in the program. Donnie asked more questions than either had anticipated but they wrote it off to his innate scientific curiosity.

"Well, Donnie, thanks for the meal. It's been great talking to you both but I have to run the roads. Marshal Morton, a moment of your time, please? There's something I need to show you but I left it in the car."

Donnie watched as the two Marshals talked but then he saw Lindsey's small frame take on a more combative stance and he knew that Paul was getting on to her about being here. She threw up her hands and then said something that made the Marshal point his hand towards the house and say something he couldn't quite make out. He could read lips. It was no great talent and for the longest time Sheldon Cooper thought everyone could.

He homed in on Paul and caught bits and pieces of phrases. _You know…bring her back…easily…someplace else. It's you who…mumbo-jumbo psychobabble bullshit gumming…figures it out, Lindsey…to turn on you…it won't be pretty."_

Whatever she said in response was lost since her back was turned but Paul's comment started the neurons firing in Donnie's brain as he weighed options and formed hypotheses and just as quickly discarded them. He had no way of knowing how long he stood there, staring out the window but Lindsey's hand on his arm brought him out of his fugue.

"Donnie, are you alright?" She knew he'd seen their confrontation but she was certain he couldn't have heard anything that was said but why was he so intent on staring at nothing?

"You need to leave and never come back, Marshal Morton. You need to let go of whatever fixation you have for me and allow my wife to return to me. It's so damned simple, isn't it? Here's the story: _She's in witness protection and when it's not necessary any longer and she comes home. She comes back, picks up her life and that's the end of it._ I'm sure she won't really miss teaching but I'm just as certain that something will come up for her, won't it, Marshal Morton?"

"She doesn't love you. She said as much in the letter. It was propinquity, just as you suspected. Your notes in the laptop, your analyses of her responses, all of it proves I'm right. It's worse than the Stockholm syndrome with you though, because you're so damned innocent and inexperienced. We could have put you here with an affectionate ape and the results would have been the same."

"I won't ask you nicely again, Marshal Morton. You need to leave. If anyone is the victim of the Propinquity Hypothesis, it's you, although 'victim' might be the wrong word. Oh, and by the way, _it's not pretty_, is it?"

She went upstairs, threw her stuff in her bag and left, slamming the door and then tossing her bag into the back seat of her car. She threw him the finger as a parting gesture.

He called Paul. The conversation was brief and mostly one-sided.

"Paul, Lindsey's going to be stopping by. I saw what you said to her about her psychobabble being the only thing keeping Pamela from coming home."

It was simple. Elegant even. It appealed to his sense of balance and proportion. Paul chuckled and said that if Marshal Morton had read his file, she'd have known about his ability to lip-read but she hadn't bothered. It was her loss.

"It might take a while, Don, like a long time. She's still got to be a witness and she'll be there until the trial is over. You know lawyers. Talk, talk, talk, motions, motions, motions, yadda yadda, yadda. You remember the OJ trial, right"

"I can handle it. Oh, stop by on your way home. I got leftovers for days. Take some back to the others. Y'know, the guys manning the phone tap center over behind the Western Auto." He heard someone click on the line and ask if there was cranberry sauce and that he preferred white meat if it was okay.

"We call it 'digital maintenance' and all the 'guests' in the program are subject to it for at least the first year. Remember, some of our 'guests' aren't civilized members of society." They were all laughing now.

* * *

Unknown Location

Penny watched whatever was on TV without bothering to get out of bed. She saw no reason to get dressed. Sure, she was free to walk around, even walk into town, but what for? She was restless and bored and she was certain she'd gained 10 pounds since she got here. She knew there was a fitness center in the basement but she had no ambition whatsoever.

Her phone rang and she checked the caller ID to make sure it wasn't Donnie calling. She was about to push 'IGNORE' when she noted the caller ID: US Marshal Service.

"Hello?" She hoped it wasn't someone informing her about a delay in the trial. She was tired of being a bird in a gilded cage.

"This is Paul, the US Marshal who placed you and Don Jones in Hidden Valley. Do you remember me?"

"Yes! Has something happened to Donnie? Is he okay?" She couldn't think of any other reason for his call.

"In a way. Listen, little girl, the next time he calls, answer the damned phone because it might just be the last time he bothers. Oh, and one more thing, please don't send him anymore 'move on' letters. He's hard enough to handle without trying to keep track of him and his damned harem!"

He hung up the cell phone and chuckled. There was no harem, of course, but from a little acorn a mighty oak doth grow.

* * *

_Harem? He has a harem? What the fuck?_

She didn't wait for him to call. She called him.

_I'm so going to kick his ass…_RING…_okay, so I told him to 'move on' in my letter…_RING…_he wasn't __supposed__ to…_RING…_answer the damned phone, Donnie…_RING.

It was still sleeting and to make matters worse, he'd slipped and fallen into the wet slushy crap that the rain changed the beautiful snow into. He'd had the wind knocked out of him and was totally soaked and covered in turkey innards when the trash bag he was carrying exploded when he fell on it.

He spent few minutes shoveling the crap into another bag and then made his way back inside. He threw the sodden clothes onto the floor in the laundry room to wash later and ran up to take a warm shower and change into something else before tackling the dishes.

He gave no thought whatsoever to his cell phone sitting there on the charger on the sideboard. If he had, he might have noticed that the charger was unplugged at the wall, probably by an errant foot when he and Lindsey Morton were taking down dishes from the china cabinet.

* * *

_Unknown Location  
__Sunday _

"Donnie, please call me back. I've left messages for you and I really need to talk to ya…please, baby, please call me back…it's important."

Every time she called she left a voicemail and every time she called it went right to voicemail. Now she knew how he'd felt when he'd called her after getting her letter – totally wrecked.


	16. Chapter 16

Jones – 16

Jones Residence  
Hidden Valley, PA  
Friday – Sunday

He was bored. It was raining again, still, once more, constantly, a veritable monsoon, and that meant he was stuck in the house without the release of running to clear his mind and just let everything go.

He cleaned, taking his now near-constant OCD to new heights of obsession with cleanliness. He even pulled on a rain slicker and reordered the crap in the storage shed, that's how bored he was. He arranged the yard care equipment first in order by sequence of use but then, feeling something was 'off', by order of size. No, that wasn't proper either so it was back to order of use.

The shovels, spades, and rakes went against one wall of the shed in logical order by length of handle.

And it was still just Friday. Black Friday. If Pam had been here she would have dragged him to the Mall down the Interstate and spent the day (and their money) on things that were 'on sale' and therefore necessary. So he went to the Mall. There were some things he needed, on sale or otherwise.

Outlet Mall  
1:30PM

He knew the instant he saw the parking lot that this was a horrible mistake but he plunged right in and found a spot not too far from the actual Mall. His first portent of doom was stepping out of the car into a pothole filled with cold water. A normal man would have sworn blue blazes, got back into the car and driven home.

But not him. He had braved the Interstate and he was damned if he'd risk life and limb going home empty handed. He pushed on and into the Mall that was filled with pre-Christmas shoppers and bargain-seekers. His left sneaker made a squishing sound every time he stepped on it. His sock and pants leg were soaked up to mid-calf but it didn't matter.

He bought her a flannel nightgown for when the winter cold seeped into the house. And furry slippers that went halfway up her calves but would keep her feet warm on cold mornings in the kitchen. Next was a heavy bathrobe so she didn't get chilled between the bedroom and the bathroom. The hallway was virtually unheated and he didn't want her to catch cold. Lastly, he bought her a knit cap and mittens, and a heavy down parka for their occasional forays out and about.

They were things he needed.

He made it home just as it was getting dark. The little house seemed more like home when he hung his purchases up on hangers in her room and put others away for her use when she came home.

It was still Friday.

* * *

He nuked turkey, peas and Lindsey's sweet potatoes in the microwave and ate a quiet meal wondering about things he shouldn't allow his mind to consider and then cleaned up, washed the dishes, showered and went to bed in the small bedroom.

It was still raining on Saturday but the weathergirl on Channel 4 had promised a 'welcome break' later in the day. He was going bat-crap crazy with nothing to do so he improvised.

Donnie rearranged the living room furniture into a configuration that allowed him to establish a 0,0,0,0 point and then he vacuumed the entire place from top to bottom.

He settled into his spot and turned on the TV but there was nothing on but infomercials, a women's golf tournament from Pebble Beach, and a cooking show on the Food Channel. Everything else was crap. Nothing on SciFi that he hadn't already seen so…he took a nap.

He couldn't face another meal of turkey so he changed into respectable clothing for the occasion and headed into town to grab a burger and a beer at the Sundown.

He won a few bucks shooting pool, enough to cover the burger and beer, and headed back to the house about 10pm.

The weatherbitch on Channel 4 had lied. It was still raining like it had a few days before Noah sailed.

* * *

Sunday morning was bright and sunny. No, it wasn't. It was raining although not as hard but just as wet. He puttered around, stripped the linens off the bed in the bigger bedroom and ignored the scent still on the sheets and pillowcases and washed them and remade the bed. He did the same for his room and then made a turkey sandwich for lunch and flicked on the tube.

Nothing.

He needed to run, to get out and let it all out so he grabbed his keys and drove into school and let himself into the field house and went down into the small exercise room and found his salvation from boredom: a treadmill.

His mind was free to soar while he ran on the treadmill. To make it interesting, he set the speed control to maximum and began to run. The 10-degree angle on the platform gave him a challenge.

He didn't know how long he'd run after he broke through the wall and grabbed the elusive high but his thighs were burning and he was leaning heavily on the handrails of the machine. Enough. He had enough. Conversely, he felt wonderful and full of hope.

It was time to head back to the house. Maybe there was something on the TV that would catch his attention and fetter his mind to it.

Freezing rain. Well, the weatherbitch on Channel 4 had said a change in the weather so maybe he'd been too quick to condemn her.

He started the yellow Camaro with the black leather interior that he knew she'd love and roared out over the icy parking lot toward the exit, his inexperience at driving in bad weather showing but his buoyant attitude canceling out anything resembling common sense.

The defrosters were just beginning to work their magic and the windshield wiper blades started pulling off bits of ice when he hit the concrete and steel light standard at 60mph.

* * *

Hidden Valley Medical Center  
Tuesday

Voices. Indistinct. A man and a woman. Arguing. He was so cold and suddenly colder as blankets were taken off him but replaced with hot blankets that seemed to soak the heat into his frozen marrow. It never got this cold in Texas.

He tried to scratch his nose but his arms didn't work. Turning his head wouldn't work either. He couldn't reach the pillowcase to rub it against. It was driving him nuts and he must have groaned or something because someone grabbed his hand and said harshly, "Wake up. This is not how it's supposed to be. Wake up and talk to me, damn it!"

'_I don't know who she is but she seems quite cross with me about something. I sincerely hope it's not Lindsey.'_

He tried opening his eyes but it was just too much of an effort and so he slipped back into sleep.

He had to take a leak and he moaned as he sat up straighter in the bed but he couldn't get out. He was cuffed to the bedrails on both sides of the bed. He glanced out the window and saw it was dark just as it was in the room but bladder beat pride and he called out for someone to help him.

It suddenly got busy in the room. Two nurses, a burly guy in a cop's uniform and a small woman with long reddish brown hair came into the room. The man and woman stood back and watched while the two nurses detached his IV and then undid the Velcro restraints (_Not cuffs. Not in jail then.) _and then helped him into the bathroom. It never occurred to him that this had been done before, but it had. He just didn't remember.

He stared at the two nurses and then made shoo'ing motions. There was no way he was going to urinate in front of total strangers, regardless of their profession.

"Shy? We'll turn our backs but still hold on to you. Don't want you falling now, do we?" He still wouldn't go, even if their backs were turned.

"Uh, a little privacy?" He was cramping up and he finally just thought 'to hell with it' and relieved himself. The younger nurse giggled but the older one gave her a stern look and then they helped him back to bed.

"If you promise not to try to escape, we'll forego the restraints, Coach." _'Coach? So they know me. Good. Maybe they'll drive me back to my car.'_

He was back in bed and still not sure what had or was happening. He leaned back and closed his eyes, and ignored the visitors. _'If I ignore them, perhaps they'll go away and let me sleep.'_

Someone sat on the side of his bed and he felt a soft hand run up his chest and neck and then cup his cheek.

"I'll go get some coffee. I'll just be down the hall if you need me." A man's voice probably saying something to whomever was sharing his bed.

"Sheldon Cooper, I am so pissed at you." He knew the voice but he was so tired…and 'Sheldon Cooper' set off all kinds of alarms.

"Don' know no Sherman Cooper. Don Jones. I'm Don Jones."

"Of course you are, Donnie. But I'm…still pissed at you for trying to kill yourself! How do you think it made me feel, Donnie, to get dragged outta bed and told to 'get dressed and wear the wig' in the middle of the night and then get shoved on a plane with a big guy who _handcuffed _us together!"

He cracked one eye open. Wig? "Off. The wig. Off."

Short brown hair messed up by the wig but it was her hair.

"Hi, Pam. Don't I at least get a hug? It's been – "

He couldn't breathe. She was squeezing him around the neck and crying just like the last time they'd been together.

He pieced together what happened from her blubbering words.

He had hit a light standard going like a bat out of hell and tried to kill himself. He was unconscious and wasn't found until a school bus driver found the wreck at 6am Monday morning. He was suffering from hypothermia and exposure. The Feds brought her home to see him. He was on suicide watch.

"Tha's so much crap! It was freezin' rain and I hit ice. I was on a runner's high and felt so good. Things are comin' together for us. Figured out how to get you back. Why would I try an' kill m'self? Stupid." He started to get up, pushing her away from him and struggling to get out of bed.

"Where do you think you're going?" one of the nurses asked him using that 'I will be obeyed' tone of voice that automatically makes the Sheldon Coopers of the world want to do exactly the opposite.

"Home. 'less I'm under arrest, home. Get me my clothes 'less you want to see more of the me than is proper."

Paul walked in, threw him clean clothes from his bag in the wrecked Camaro and chuckled.

"You're not under arrest. And now that we know you're not suicidal just stupid for driving like a madman on ice, you can go home under supervision, right, Pam?"

"Close supervision requiring constant physical contact continuing 24/7until I have to go back." There was a smirk in her voice but that wasn't what he keyed in on.

"Go back? Go BACK? You just got here and you're going back?"

"Shhh, sweetie, it's like a vacation and then I have to go back to 'work'. It's okay. Paul made arrangements and we'll have the holidays together at least."

He turned his head, not wanting her to see the disappointment. In his naiveté he thought she was home for good, not just on 'work release'. He could feel the pressure on the backs of his eyes and in his nasal passages. He was going to cry and he never cried. Not Don Jones.

* * *

Paul drove the couple home. It had finally quit raining but now everything was covered with a blanket of white snow. He pulled his police cruiser around behind the house and he and Pam helped him into the house. Pam was wrapped in a borrowed hospital blanket since all her clothing was 'Californian'.

"Sit at the table, Donnie, and I'll make coffee and then we'll talk." Paul had left the couple to themselves muttering that another car was going to kill his budget.

He watched her go through the familiar routine but she was shivering slightly. The heat in the house wasn't up to her standards. "Leave it. You're cold. Got a surprise for you."

He took her by the hand and led her to her bedroom and pointed to her closet. "Stuff for you in there. Take a hot bath and then come down. I'll see what we have that hasn't rotted and make breakfast. Get warm, Pam, and join me when you feel you can handle the cold."

He went to his room and changed into jeans and a sweater and went to make breakfast. The sun was just coming up and so he took a cup of coffee up to her figuring she'd like it while she soaked.

She was sitting on the edge of her bed with her back to him. Her shoulders were heaving like someone was shaking her and he sat beside her and put an arm around her. She was wearing the robe and slippers he'd bought on Black Friday.

Big tears were running down her cheeks and he hadn't seen her bawl like this since…the hospital. _'Didn't she want to be here? Did she miss California? Did she…miss someone else?'_

"Pamela Jones, what is wrong? Don't you want to be here anymore? Should I call Paul and have him make arrangements to send you back? Talk to me, please?"

Pam pulled herself together and gave a big sigh. She took the proffered coffee and sipped at it and leaned into him. A few sniffs and a few moments later and the coffee was gone.

"Are you hungry, Donnie?" He shook his head and waited for her to continue. She had the strangest look on her face.

"Well, I am." She moved closer so that her knees were against the mattress and she leaned in and kissed him ever so gently. Somehow the kiss heated up and she was lying on him, pulling the sweater over his head and then kissing him again.

"Pam…" She shushed him and kissed him again. "You bought all this great stuff for me because you knew I was coming back. Winter stuff. And I know how you hate Malls and so it really means a lot to me because you actually went to a Mall." Another kiss.

She saw the look of near-panic in his eyes and she wisely stopped her seduction. _'Tonight. Tonight we'll be together.'_

"I'm hungry for breakfast after all. Pull on your sweater and I'll be right down." He practically ran out of the room and she giggled and then shucked off the robe and put on her nightgown that he'd bought her. It was practical and with the robe and slipper-boots he bought, she'd be toasty warm.

They cleaned up after breakfast and she saw him yawning and suggested a nap. "I could use a nap, Donnie. C'mon. Oh, have you started Christmas shopping yet?"

"Black Friday. I went to the Mall Black Friday. So crowded and pushy. I almost freaked out but I had things to get and…" She could see how his breathing had changed and she almost laughed. Sheldon Cooper would never have gone to a Mall for any reason on Black Friday but Donnie did.

'_I got the best part of both of them all rolled into one.'_

"We'll run down whenever Paul brings us a car – but Donnie, honey, I'm driving."

A/N: Almost done. Lindsey's coming back into the picture and bringing some friends - maybe?


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Penny is back in Hidden Valley for the 'holidays' and trying to reconnect with her husband who seems to be drawing away from her when he should be getting closer.

Reparata

* * *

Joneses – Chapter 17

They took a walk after lunch and at first Penny had balked until Sheldon pulled out the parka, cap and mittens he'd bought for her and then it was race to the door. They held hands and things were just the way they were supposed to be, two people who beat the odds and found each other in spite of all the obstacles life threw in their path.

Penny was yawning mid-afternoon and Donnie sent her upstairs to take a nap. The ordeal and the hospital and the time change had knocked her sleep patterns all to hell.

"I'll have dinner ready when you awaken."

"But I wanted to cook dinner, Donnie."

"Have you been practicing in California?"

"Well, no. I've had room service."

"Then I'll cook dinner."

"Butt head!"

* * *

He didn't trust the turkey after so many days in the refrigerator but he managed to throw together a decent meal for them. Pam liked it and that was what was important.

"Those sweet potatoes were really good, Donnie. I didn't know you could cook so well."

"Lindsey made them. I cooked the turkey and – "

Cold. It got very cold in their snug little kitchen in their snug little house.

"_Lindsey_?" Her voice chills the room even more until he wonders why he can't see his breath.

"Yes, Marshal Lindsey Morton, the team psychologist. We became friends after – after I found your journal and received your letter. You didn't answer my calls or respond to my voicemails. I was desperate. We talked almost every night on the telephone. She helped me when I needed it the most - when I got your letter and after."

"She spent the night in_ our room?_" She knew he wouldn't cheat but suddenly she wasn't comfortable here in their little house.

"No." Penny seems to relax. "She spent the night in _your_ room, as did I. She didn't want to be alone and neither did I. We slept together but that was all we did – sleep. She wanted more but I told her that I was married and didn't cheat."

"I – I didn't mean – " He interrupted her. "Yes, you did. And no, there was definitely no coitus. She and Paul had words after dinner and then – I kicked her ass out when I found out that she had been turning in reports that recommended you not come home. I couldn't have that, so out she went."

"D-Sheldon, I need to explain some things to you – "

"Yes, undoubtedly. I noted your salutation as 'Dear Sheldon' and your closing – "

"Damn it, listen to me for once without cutting me off with your stupid-ass commentary. I was alone, the movie was done and then they were telling me I had to hang around for the trial and then, because of how they'd pulled me out, they couldn't bring me back. I felt like I owed it to you to give you your freedom even though it was like cutting out my heart with a rusty wooden spoon – "

"Penny, wood does not rust." He was falling back into his Sheldon persona and although it was unconscious, it was apparent to Penny who wanted to explain her actions and then drag him to bed and love him until he begged for mercy.

She screamed in rage and frustration. Her face got red and Sheldon (yes, now he had fully regressed to his Sheldon persona) asked innocently, "Would you like a hot beverage? In times of stress and emotional turmoil, tea seems to be just the thing to allow one's emotional center to regain – "

"NO! _NO_, I do not want a hot beverage. I want what we had before I left. I want to be back where we were – "

"Penny, Penny, Penny, you _are_ back where you were and you have all the things you had once before – "

She exploded in frustration and reached over and grabbed him by the ear and dragged him up the stairs and into their bedroom and almost tossed him onto the middle of the bed.

Sheldon had screeched like a mashed duck when she twisted his ear to gain his compliance and began a litany of complaints about losing his hearing, how his balance might be affected in the future and how her fingernails were cutting into the skin of his ear. She was deaf to his complaints, so intent was she on her goal.

"I will duct tape your mouth shut, Sheldon Lee Cooper, if I hear one more peep out of you before I give you permission to speak, understand? Nod your head, Sheldon, because if you dare utter a word, I'll do it, I swear to God Almighty I'll get duct tape!"

A/N: Short but I'm working.


	18. Chapter 18

Jones 18a

This is not an update. Chapter 18 is on my Live Journal page. Just search for Reparata. Adults only. Sorry kiddies. It's past your bedtime anyway.

Reparata


	19. Chapter 19

Mr & Mrs Jones

Chapter 19

Go to my LJ page for this super-M rated chapter. Deals with our couple teaching Donnie about sex and isn't relative to the overall story.

Adults only please. Link on my profile and it works just fine for a lot of folks.

Reparata


	20. Chapter 20

Back to posting the clear stuff on FF so quitcherbitchin'.

Short but I'm working.

Reparata

* * *

Joneses 20

Pam had planned to awaken first and slip out and make him breakfast but as usual her plans hadn't considered either her fatigue from their foray into sex or his damned mental alarm clock. She curled up onto his side of the bed, although they'd both never left the center or, had she known it, each other's arms until his habit-driven clock jarred him awake.

She dashed through her morning ritual and pulled on jeans and one of his Vikings sweatshirts that she found neatly folded and sitting on the chair in her (no, not anymore, _their_) bedroom. Some things never changed and she bet if she had a protractor, and could figure out how to use it, that the sweatshirt would be folded perfectly square. She wiggled her toes in the warm slipper boots he'd got her and smiled. Things were going so much better than she'd hoped given the wreck he'd been.

He wasn't in the kitchen and for just a moment she wondered if he was out on a run when she heard voices out in the front driveway. Pam glanced out the window and started to laugh out loud. Donnie and Paul were standing around a Volkswagen Bus that looked like it had seen better days.

Pam walked out onto the front porch and asked Paul if he wanted coffee but he just waved at her and then pointed a finger in Donnie's face and then pointed to the bus and turned on his heel and got in his HVPD cruiser and drove out but Pam could see the big smile on his face.

"Well, I see we got wheels, sweetie, so nothing's in the way of – _**SHOPPING!"**_

He shot her the finger by way of response and then climbed into the bus and tried to start it. She laughed at his attempts. He probably hadn't taken it out of gear since it was a standard shift. She waved him into the house and then started making them breakfast.

She heard the front door slam and knew he was pissed. He didn't like machinery that failed to perform in the manner he was anticipating or in other words, he hated any piece of junk that he couldn't figure out how to operate.

"Pam, it's not funny! That piece of crap is a death trap. It won't start without hopping halfway down the driveway and – "

"That's because you didn't depress the clutch pedal before trying to start it, honey. I guess I'm still in teacher mode. I'll show you how to drive a standard shift this afternoon after we get back from the mall."

"The mall? But – "

"Donnie Jones, I need clothes for this weather. I can't run around wearing your flannel nightgown and that robe 24/7, can I?"

It was the wrong thing to say, or maybe the right thing, she wasn't certain except that one minute she's flipping pancakes and making sure the bacon doesn't burn and then next she's wrapped up in his arms and he's nibbling on her ear and neck mumbling 'why the hell not?'

She elbowed him gently and said, "Back off or the bacon will burn, Don, and because we have to reestablish my presence in your life. I don't want anyone getting any ideas about poaching my man."

"I see you found your rings. I never took mine off, Penny, not once." She noted 'Penny' and teared up. There was such depth to layers of Sheldon/Don and she knew she'd just been told 'I love you, Penny' in the only way he felt comfortable doing until he got over the pain she'd brought into his life by trying to set him free.

She leaned back into his embrace and sniffed back her tears. Perfect. Things were perfect again in Perfect Hidden Valley in Perfect Pennsylvania.

* * *

Outlet Mall

The Mall wasn't as crowded as she expected. The VW wasn't a 'piece of crap death trap'. It was fun to drive once you got over the feeling that you were the hood ornament. From the death grip on the seatbelt, her husband wouldn't be over the feeling anytime soon.

"Don, I need credit cards and cash and a list of people you want to buy something for. I know you'll want to hide out in the toy or electronics store but I really, really want you with me, okay? You make me feel safe around all these people."

Magic words. 'You make me feel safe.' He took her hand in his and zipped up her parka against the snow flurries. He never let go of her hand except to pay for something as they braved the tumult of Christmas shopping together.

* * *

Jones Residence  
Hidden Valley, PA

"Boy, that was fun! Admit it, Donnie, you had fun, didn't you?" She knew it was pure torture for him to endure but he had endured and the entire time he'd had this secret little smile on his face.

"By comparison, Pamela, a multiple root canal without Novocain is fun. This afternoon was pure torture. My feet hurt and my ears are still ringing with that horrible Muzak they pipe throughout the mall."

"What about Victoria's Secret? Didn't you enjoy yourself there?" She'd dragged him into one of the changing rooms and they'd had an impromptu make-out session and she'd ended up with two sets of matching bras and panties. He was such a guy sometimes.

"Okay, that was my idea of boy/girl shopping." There was that small special smile on his face that she wanted to keep there as often as possible.

"You know, we have a closet upstairs in the spare bedroom that is small and dark and we could always – " She shrieked in surprise when he scooped her up and almost ran up the stairs and deposited her in the middle of their unmade bed.

"This will do nicely."

* * *

Washington, DC

Lindsey Morton was not a woman to take defeat lightly. She was a fighter and had been ever since childhood. Growing up in the foster-care system guaranteed her a certain outlook on life: take what she wanted and hurt anyone who tried to take it from her.

She wanted Donnie Jones and she wanted to be the 'wife' in his life, not that bitch Actress wannabe with the room temperature IQ who had been so ready to throw him away when all she had to do was wait.

The first item on her list was the elimination of Pamela Jones, either permanently or partially. 'Permanently' was preferable. Dead was preferable. She changed the order of things. Her former partner, Paul, became item one on her list. Item two required the elimination of the communications unit and then she could finally concentrate on item three: the 'real' death of Pamela Jones. Isolated from the Service, they'd be easy pickings. Donnie would be safe from her claws and she would be dead, hopefully a messy dead but dead nonetheless.

Once the Actress was dead it wouldn't be necessary to shield Donnie from the public eye any longer. If her plan worked, the contracts out on Dr. Sheldon Cooper, PhD, would magically go away as compensation for the elimination of the Actress. Escobar would deal. She was the only real witness against him and with her gone, he'd be able to walk through the year or two of jail time at a Federal Country Club he'd catch. Money and influence would ensure it.

Lindsey would take him to her hideaway in the Allegheny Mountains. The cabin was still in her husband's name but he wouldn't care if she used it as her love nest. Nope. She would be sure and spit on his grave below the flower bed of perennials that she'd planted. Forget Me Nots seemed appropriate.

She knew the exact time to strike. Christmas Eve.


	21. Chapter 21

Been busy but haven't forgotten you. Going home to celebrate my b'day in style. Only another month and I'll be back where I belong and so will he.

Reparata

Joneses Chapter 21

Penny curled up in a little ball and sighed. She ached in places where she hadn't had stuff in her in ages. She had no idea that when Donnie had carried her to their bed and dumped her there saying, "This will do nicely," that in fact it would.

It was their first attempt at coitus. She cringed at the word but not the way he performed. Oh, no. The premature problem was definitely a thing of the past and the way he'd played with her, well, her toes still hadn't uncurled.

And finally he'd said what she longed to hear, those three words that ensured her a future: 'I love you'. It wasn't said in the height of passion as his cock spurted his seed into her. Nope. It was said almost in passing as he got up to use the bathroom.

"You know I love you, don't you, Pam? It's just not easy for me to say after…after all that went on between us. I'll work on it, though. Just be patient. I feel it even if I can't just spit it out like you do."

The next few days flew by for Pam. She made lists and lists of things she wanted them to do before she went back to California. It was something they never talked about – her 'vacation' ending. She tried to cram as much living into those weeks as she possibly could. She also tried to cram Donnie into her as often as possible.

They made one more trip to the mall and then stopped by the Kroger and bought things for Christmas dinner. Instead of a turkey, Pam opted for the traditional ham that her family served with all the trimmings. Donnie wasn't dumb. He knew that turkey brought up bad memories for Pam and so he just nodded and let her plan the holiday meal.

Pam baked cookies and rolls and a pie. Actually she baked 4 pies but the first three were disasters. Donnie left her alone when she was baking. She was worse than he was when he was working on a problem and couldn't quite reach the optimum solution and he knew better than to ask her 'how're things going, Pam?' when she was in a baking mood.

* * *

Communications Center  
Hidden Valley, PA  
Christmas Eve 9pm

Lindsey Morton knocked on the door and when she identified herself and explained that she was just 'dropping off some Christmas cheer', she was buzzed in. She shot the marshal on duty and then wrecked the communications gear and disabled the closed circuit surveillance cameras. She checked off the first item on her revised 'To Do' list and chuckled.

Next, she drove out to where she knew Paul was holed up in his cruiser and knocked on his window, startling him awake. She held up two glasses and a bottle of whiskey and he got out and started to say something when she shot him in the chest with a sawed-off shotgun. She drank a shot to calm herself and poured the rest over Paul and then went back to her car.

Two down and two to go.

* * *

Penny was making 'fried mashed potato fudge' in a big cast iron skillet like her grandma used to when the back door crashed open and Lindsey Morton strutted in, waving her shotgun back and forth. Donnie was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of hot chocolate and he did the first thing that came to mind – he threw the heavy china cup at her head. She easily side-stepped his throw and walked right into 'Slugger's' cast iron skillet. The shotgun went flying one way and some of Lindsey's face went flying another. She was dead before she hit the ground.

Pam dropped to her knees and started a keening wail that made the hair on Donnie's neck stand up and he wrapped her up in a hug and took her into the living room and set her on the couch and wrapped her in an afghan.

"Stay put. I need to call this in, Pam. Remind me never to piss you off, sweetheart, at least not when you're frying fudge. I have to call Paul."

He dialed Paul's cell and it went to voicemail. He next called the emergency number for the communications center that monitored all calls and got a busy signal.

"Pam, run upstairs and put on the warmest clothes you can find, grab some for me and then meet me in the kitchen."

He turned and walked back into the kitchen and checked for a pulse on the former marshal but even he knew that she was dead. Pam's skillet had caved in the side of her head and there was no doubt that she was gone. He dragged her body out onto the porch and then started cleaning up the bloody mess. _'Pam doesn't need to see this. She'll freak out!' _

He finished mopping up the floor when Pam walked in and sat down, his clothes in her lap. He knew she was just barely holding it together and he wasn't far from freaking out either.

"Pam, listen to me carefully. Paul gave me a map and directions to a safe house that's off the books and we're going to head there. We'll be there by morning and we'll have our Christmas by the ocean. It's a nice place and it's got a fireplace and no one knows about it but Paul."

"But Donnie, this is our home! We can't leave here. What will we do for – oh, yeah, right. Get dressed. I'll make us some sandwiches and coffee for the road. Do you think she killed poor Paul?"

"He's not answering his cell. The communications center isn't answering either so yeah, I think she killed them all. Crazy woman."

"Do you think she's in it with Escobar, Donnie?"

He hadn't thought that far ahead. Just how crazy was the dead marshal? Would she contact Escobar and rat them out? If so, then why the 'personal touch'? He wasn't sure and that bothered him. Donnie wasn't taking chances with his wife so he opted for cautious optimism.

"Don't know but if she did, why get down and dirty herself? Nope, but let's play it safe and head for the Jersey Shore."

* * *

Donnie drove into town and took the maximum he could out of the ATM and then they headed south towards Philadelphia and then across to New Jersey. Pam dozed and he woke her at about 4am and they went into a truck stop and grabbed breakfast and coffee and bought a thermos and had it filled with coffee and then they were back on the road with Pam driving.

They stopped for gas and the restroom twice before reaching the 'barrens' between Wildwood and Cape May, New Jersey. It took forever to find the place. Paul might have been a great deputy but was a lousy mapmaker. It was almost noon before they found #9 Ocean Breeze Drive in Melrose, New Jersey, population 89.

Donnie unloaded the bus while Pam checked out their new home away from home. It was a cozy one bedroom cottage that had a wrap-around screened and covered deck and a boat dock. There was a 28' Beltram Searider tied up to a dock and it was obvious that Paul had planned to spend time here soon. Poor Paul.

He sorted through the food and laughed. She'd brought their entire Christmas dinner with her. Pam was practical if nothing else.

"Donnie, I'm tired and I know you're dead on your feet. I made the bed and it's just waiting for us. Bad news though. There's no tub, just a shower."

He smiled. There was a hot tub out on the rear deck. When they were more relaxed, he'd check it out. But for now…sleep.

She was lying naked on her side facing him, holding up the blankets. "Jesus, Donnie, get in here. I'm freezing my tits off!"

He warmed her up and later murmured "I love you, Penny," and fell asleep. She waited until she was sure he was asleep before slipping out and getting his Christmas present from the suitcase and leaving it on the kitchen table. Chilled, she snuggled up against him and fell asleep wishing that they were still back in Hidden Valley instead of in the midst of a nightmare.

Only one more chapter to go. Already deep in my next hearttugger.


	22. Chapter 22

I lied. One more after this one but not until Monday. Taking the weekend off and celebrating.

Reparata

* * *

Joneses 22a

_He awakens first. He always does. Somehow during the night they've exchanged places, she between him and the door, he with his back against a poorly insulated exterior wall. The twin bed is not big enough for them. The twin bed is far too big for them. There are 6 inches of space separating them and the air between them feels more than simply empty. Something attracts his attention and he is startled to see flashing blue light piercing the draperies that cover the window._

Sheldon Cooper woke with a start and sat up in bed and rubbed his face with his palms. He hated that dream. Sighing and groaning as he sat up, his eye catches the time – 6:45am Pacific Standard Time.

He showered, dressed and got in his 2-year old Chrysler 300 to drive the twelve miles to CalTech. He had things to do and people to talk with.

The explosion blew out windows and set off car alarms up and down the street.

* * *

North Hollywood  
6:00AM

Penny was dressed and ready to drive the 6 miles into studio and begin another day. She checked her schedule on her iPhone and sighed. A breakfast meeting at 7am, an interview with someone the studio set up to promote the DVD release of the Lifetime movie and then she was free until 2pm when she had a session with her writing partner to finish up the fictional version about her time in Witness Protection. She was frustrated with the ending. Her therapist told her that her 'unresolved issues' were at the heart of her inability to end the screenplay.

She dressed quickly and efficiently and carefully ran a brush through her hair. She wanted to keep both the color and the length but the studio had vetoed her decision and she was stuck with blonde hair extensions until her own grew out.

Her iPhone bleeped and Penny checked her schedule again and grimaced. Her personal assistant had scheduled a dinner meeting with her agent and publicist and then she was supposed to show up at a party and rub elbows with some influential people and talk about her next project.

Penny had a stack of scripts to read over but she'd already made up her mind. She liked the character in a project about spies going undercover at a university in order to infiltrate a foreign spy ring. It appealed to her on a lot of levels.

It was Anything-Can-Happen Thursday and she wondered just what _he_ was up to.

"_Pam, wake up. There are cops all over the place. Get dressed and be ready to run. I don't know what's going on but we need to be ready for anything."_

_Her husband was pulling on clothes and checking the load in the shotgun he'd 'liberated' from Marshal Lindsey Morton and Pam jumped out of bed and quickly dressed in the clothes she'd worn on their flight to their new safe house and then…_

Marshal Paul Smith had shown up, arm in a sling and a big grin on his face. He'd been wearing a vest and most of the blast had been absorbed by the vest except for a few pellets that 'clipped my arm'. He'd been unconscious for a while but finally sounded the alarm.

It was over. They could go home. Escobar was dead and their long nightmare was over. They were separated by the Marshal Service and each was given a week of intense therapy to help them 'adjust to their sudden changes and to resolve any issues'.

It wasn't pleasant and when Penny asked about Sheldon all she was told was that his sessions were 'progressing nicely'. Maybe it was because she was an actress that her therapy ended first and she was released. It was no big deal. She knew who she was. Why was Sheldon being so difficult? And why weren't they letting them see each other?

She was handed a large sheaf of papers and told to 'sign them and you're free to go' so she did without really reading them and was driven to an airport and handed a ticket for home.

Penny flew to Omaha for a tearful reunion with her family and then returned to California and her career. She hadn't been able to talk to Sheldon since they'd been separated in New Jersey. The one thing that seemed to nag at her was the look on his face when she corrected a cop who had called her 'Pam' and said that her name was 'Penny'.

She talked regularly with Bernadette and Leonard but they were rather closed mouth about anything to do with Sheldon Cooper. He had an apartment someplace and Leonard saw him from time to time around campus but he'd cut himself off from his everyone, even changing his cell phone number.

Leonard had stared at her and she couldn't figure out the look on his face. She'd never seen it before. He looked at her almost with disgust.

'_I need to find him and check on him. I need to make sure he's all right. I miss my whack-a-doodle. We shared so much…why has he cut me out of his life when we're free to do what we want?'_

* * *

Penny walked into her office. Her personal assistant was running an errand. She needed something and opened up a desk drawer and found her old cell phone that she'd used in Pennsylvania. She'd given it to her assistant and told her to answer it and take messages and make 'damned sure I get them'. But he never called. Not once.

She held the phone in her hand but could barely see it through her tears. She missed him, really, really missed him but he'd cut himself off from all his old friends and no one seemed to know what he was doing or even where he was living. He'd disappeared into the bowels of CalTech, '_probably up to his ass in strings'_.

She turned the phone on and saw that she had 22 messages from a cell number she didn't recognize. She started to replay the messages but her battery died and she cursed her useless assistant. She found a compatible charger and put the phone on charge. Penny would deal with her assistant when the girl came back to work.

Penny busied herself with scripts and finally her assistant showed up.

"I told you to take care of this phone and let me know of any calls."

"Look, Penny, some whacko stalker called a zillion times demanding to speak with his wife. You're not married so I finally just turned it off and put it in the desk drawer and I guess I forgot about it. It was so annoying…"

"You're…you're fired. Get out! Get OUT!" She was crying and imagining the worst. _'He thinks…oh, my God! What must he think…'_

It seemed to take forever for the phone to recharge. She listened to each of the messages. The last message broke her heart.

He said, '_This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Maybe if I use that name you might call me back but I doubt it. I get it. I finally get it.'_

There was a deep sigh and then he continued and she dreaded hearing what he had to say.

'_Pamela Jones was in love with her husband. Penny isn't. I got your annulment paperwork and I've signed off on it. You're officially single and I won't bother you again.'_

His last call had been over a month ago!

She called the number shown in caller ID but it had been disconnected. Next she called Leonard and then Raj and finally, absolutely desperate, she called Mary Cooper.

"_I haven't heard from Sheldon and I was about to call you! I know that you had the marriage annulled but why didn't you at least talk with him about it before doing something so drastic? I understand, Penny, about such things. You might think I'm some ultra-religious whacko but I do have my worldly side. My Shelly thinks the world of you and he was so afraid that those terrible men might hurt you or someone he loved when they came for him again that he just gave up. They almost got him the last time and I begged him to come home and we'd deal with it but- "_

"Wait, Mary, wait! What do you mean _they almost got him the last time_? Who? And where is he?"

"_Why those drug lords, the ones who are after my Shelly for killing that horrible man who was going to hurt you, Penny. That nice Marshal called the other day and said Shelly was going away and not to believe anything I read or saw on the TV."_

"But you've never talked with Sheldon, have you? I mean, I can't get in touch with him. He's changed his cell phone number. Do you have his new one?"

"No. He said he'd call every week and also call his Mee Maw but he's missed two weeks and I was going to call you because you two were so close for so long."

She promised to call her back if she found him. She thought about calling Leonard but he was at work and – work! She'd never thought about calling the university switchboard and just asking for Sheldon Cooper.

"_CalTech, may I help you?"_

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper, please."

There was silence on the line and then a sigh.

"_May I ask who's calling please?"_

"His wife is calling."

"_M-Mrs. Cooper, don't you know? Dr. Cooper died yesterday morning. Someone blew up his car! You didn't know? What kind of wife are you?_"

She hung up the phone gently, not feeling anything at all.

She didn't have any good answers to any of the receptionist's questions.

* * *

Philadelphia Airport

"Damn it, Paul, why did it have to be my car and not one of the government's? I just got it and - "

"Quit your bitchin' and buckle your seatbelt. I swear to God, Donnie, you bitch more than any of my ex-wives."

Paul Smith had picked Sheldon up at the airport in Philadelphia and was driving him to his new home.

"Yeah, well, I'm broke again and – "

"Same deal as last time. Government credit card until you're on your feet. You're not penniless." He kicked his ass mentally. He _was _Penny-less.

"Sorry, man. That wasn't what I meant."

"Well, you were right either way."


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: I've given Penny a last name for this chapter. It's long but I wanted it finished and posted before I leave for Florida.

The final chapter is written but I'm fooling with it. I guess I don't want to let them go yet but I do have a real life somewhere. Maybe I'll post it after I pack.

Reparata

* * *

Joneses Chapter 23

Penny searched for any news at all about the bombing and took detailed and copious notes trying to find, no, desperate to find, some hint that it was all a cover up and that Sheldon was back in the Program. The comment Mary Cooper had made was the anchor that kept her from drifting away on an alcoholic sea.

'_That nice Marshal called the other day and said Shelly was going away and not to believe anything I read or saw on the TV'._

She called Paul Smith but his number had been disconnected and she remembered that he was retiring shortly after the 1st of the year. She called New Jersey Directory Assistance but there was no 'Paul Smith' in Melrose, the tourist town they'd holed up in after fleeing Hidden Valley.

Desperate and really afraid she was going to lose him forever, she drove into L.A. and went to the regional office of the Marshal's Service and spoke with a receptionist who was moved to tears by her story but refused to help her. "I'm sorry, Ms. Larson, but I could lose my job or maybe go to jail. I'd suggest looking in the San Francisco office and maybe find one of the guys who guarded you before trial."

She thanked the girl and drove to San Francisco, ignoring her job, the many, many texts demanding she call such-and-such, everything but her Quest. She walked into the office and started explaining her situation when she saw the guy she spent the flight to Philadelphia handcuffed to and she finally lost it.

Penny vaulted over the counter and ran up to him and grabbed his lower lip between her thumb and forefinger and squeezed it and rasped out, "Donny Jones, Hidden Valley, remember? You 'escorted' me there. If you want to keep your damned lip you'll tell me where he is!"

Two burly security guards 'escorted' her to the building lobby and told her not to ever come back. "Ms. Larson, we're going to overlook your assault on Marshal Tomlinson but don't come back."

She walked out onto the busy sidewalk and totally fell apart. Someone put their arm around her shoulder and walked with her up the block a ways to a coffee shop and pushed her into a booth.

"Look, Ms. Larson, all I know is that a hush-hush extraction was pulled in Pasadena and it wasn't 'on the books'. A senior Marshal from the East Coast pulled a lot of strings and got some guy yanked back into the Program but I don't know who and I don't know where. I'm sorry, that's all I know."

Penny just sat in stunned silence and Marshal Tomlinson pulled at her hand across the table and said, "Mrs. Jones, maybe you should just go home. There's nothing more I can tell you. Go home."

"I'm not Mrs. Jones anymore. It was annulled and I don't remember going to court or…"

"You signed the papers, didn't you read them? You should have. One of the things you signed makes what you're doing a Federal Crime, looking for someone in the Program, I mean. The annulment is standard for a terminated 'married cover'."

"Okay. I get it. I've lost him to your damned Program and I'll never see him again. I'm glad he's safe but…"

"Pamela, go home." He stood and walked out of the coffee shop. He felt bad for her but there was nothing else he could do for her. He'd already done too much and he wasn't going to blow his entire career over two lost souls.

Penny sat there for a few minutes longer and then left the shop and walked to the parking garage where she'd left her car. She thought about everything the Marshal had said and leaned her head back against the headrest and cried.

* * *

Hidden Valley, PA

"It hasn't changed at all. I don't know what I expected but this is…"

"Well, it _has_ changed. For one thing, there's no body on the back porch and the refrigerator is stocked with fresh stuff. There's a carton of your cigarettes on top of the microwave and all your clothing is still there. Uh, well, all _your_ clothing, Don."

He wanted to change the subject away from Pam so he asked about Paul's retirement.

"I extended my contract until June. I felt I owed it to you to be around if you needed to talk or get drunk or decided to total another car. Oh, yeah, the bus is in the shop and I'll have it delivered tomorrow."

Sheldon didn't know what to say about Paul's comments so he just nodded.

"I almost forgot. I put the 'gift' I gave you in the house, under the sink. Practice with it and don't hesitate to use it if another 'friend' comes calling. I'm serious as a heart attack. Practice and keep it handy for a while. By the time school starts, if no one's sniffed around, you can put it away but until then…"

"I thought dying in Pasadena would end it but it's never going to be over, is it?"

"We don't know if Morton ratted you out or your 'resurrection' as Sheldon Cooper just made you a blip on their radar but…you shouldn't have gone back, Dr. Cooper. You should have stayed here like we recommended. I'll be blunt: she signed those annulment papers without a second thought and I know, and don't you dare deny it, that she never tried to contact you after you got back. Move on. Donny Jones is a widower. No one knows she came back for Christmas but us so she's still dead. Move on, Don."

* * *

Two weeks later

It was like he'd never left. He slipped right back into being Don Jones and no one ever said a word about where he'd been the past 3 months. Oh, there were some surprised looks and double takes from some but overall, no one seemed surprised.

He checked his bank account and was surprised to find that Pam's name was off the account and that there was no official record of her existence. He remembered that Lindsey had confirmed his early suspicions. ONLY people in the Program populated Hidden Valley.

He ran a lot. It gave him something to do and it was his greatest pleasure in an otherwise empty life – the release of endorphins when he hit the 'High'. He'd slacked off running in Pasadena and it showed.

There were three months until school ended and he'd slipped right back into teaching and no one said a word about his extended Christmas vacation although there were 'the looks' from some of the students but he just brushed it off. He was getting good at it. Brushing people off.

* * *

North Hollywood, CA

Penny wasn't sleeping well. There was something going on in her subconscious and it was bugging the crap out of her. She'd taken her agent's advice and gotten into therapy but so far, no major breakthroughs although there were quite a few 'breakdowns'.

When she'd jerked awake, she swore she could still feel his large palms on her ass holding her tightly against him as he pounded into her against the bathroom door of all places. The aching throb and pulsing in her core was almost unbearable and no amount of masturbation, even using her 'rapid rabbit', seemed to satisfy her dream needs.

She opened her journal and began writing. Her therapist told her that she was subconsciously trying to reconcile losing Pam Jones and becoming Penny Larson again. Her therapist suggested that she record her dreams (if she could remember them) and her thoughts immediately upon waking and they'd discuss them in her weekly sessions.

"Ms. Larson, write down exactly what your thoughts are without filtering them. They're your glimpse into what's going on in your head and sometimes the answers to your questions are found in dreams and waking impressions."

She opened her journal and began writing and then stopped. She was losing those precious 'first impressions' and so she stopped, placing her palms flat on her bare thighs.

'I need to buy a ring to cover the tan line left by…'

Unbidden his words came to her like a warm breeze that filled the void in her heart.

"_I see you found your rings. I never took mine off, Penny, not once."_

She heard herself sob. "I need you, Donnie Jones…" Unbidden, an earlier thought came back, roaring through her mind, piercing her blanket of self-pity.

_Now I know how he felt when he'd called me after getting that damned letter – totally wrecked._

Penny showered and then dressed herself for the day. Nothing was scheduled for the morning so she had a leisurely breakfast at Denney's just down the road from her condo and then did some window-shopping. She was amazed at how infrequently she actually purchased anything since returning from exile. She had money but no desire for 'things'. What she bought she needed not simply wanted.

She pulled her old cell phone from out of her purse and checked to make sure it was on and charged. If she'd learned nothing since returning it was to keep checking the damned phone regularly, often ignoring her modern state-of-the-art iPhone for days.

It was May 24th, five months since they'd been forced to flee Hidden Valley and five months since she'd been with Donnie. Her therapist called the phone her 'anchor' and she didn't disagree with him. It was the one unchanging thing in her life and she cursed its silent nature but not its purpose.

'_Ring, damn you! Ring!'_ she thought but it didn't ring. It never rang. It probably wouldn't, either, but that didn't mean it made its purpose any less.

* * *

Hidden Valley High School

"Don, Phil and I want you to come over this weekend for a barbeque and we won't take 'no' for an answer. Some of us are concerned about you and, well, there's a new girl, a woman, and she's new, like I said, and, well, we thought, that is – "

"Barb, it's okay. I'll be there. Just tell me when and what I have to bring." He took pity on the wife of the superintendent of schools. She was trying to be 'nice', they all were. She and Phil had been the first real friends they'd made in Hidden Valley. It had been at the picnic on the 4th of July. It seemed like so long ago and yet…

"Good. Saturday, 2pm, just bring yourself." She answered his question but her answer was on two distinct levels: '_Bring yourself but leave your dead wife at home_.'

He leaned back in his office chair and sighed. He glanced at the calendar and then, as was his habit, at the cell phone that lurked in the corner of his credenza on a charger. He'd dialed a certain number in California many, many times since his reappearance but never let it ring more than once, more often he disconnected before it even rang.

'_Coward!'_ His subconscious, or maybe his conscience, always cursed him with that one word. He was afraid that an answered call would confirm what he feared most: Penny Larson would answer and say that there was no one there by the name of Pam Jones.

* * *

Saturday Barbeque

She was a nice girl, probably, most likely definitely, but she was definitely one of the newest 'Program' participants and in Donnie's mind that made her suspect. They talked, were conveniently seated beside each other and each was dragged into conversations neither of them wanted.

Barbara was a nice lady with good intentions but she must have been blind as a bat not to have seen that neither of her guests were up for more than food and light conversation, not 'Donnie's a widower' conversation or 'Cindy's going to be taking over from Miss Hanover in the fall. She's retiring again'.

He caught himself looking at her appraisingly. She was a runner just like he was and from the look of her long legs, a distance freak, just like he was.

"So, do you run?" That question started a conversation that lasted until they left the barbeque. Cindy had a place on the other side of town, a condo, and although they'd just met, she asked him to come by for a drink since she wanted to continue their conversation.

"Um, well, y'see, Cindy, I'm – "

"She's dead, Don. I'm sorry to be so blunt but Barbara told me that you were hanging on and how it was affecting you. I know how you feel, Don. Lonely, abandoned, cut off from the life you'd planned, but it doesn't have to be that way forever. If you ever want to talk or just run, call me."

She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss onto his cheek and then got in her car and drove away leaving Donnie wondering if maybe it wasn't time to start over.

They had 'running dates' and ate lunch together occasionally and once she had him over for dinner and he had her over to his place but each seemed reluctant to do more than kiss goodnight.

Paul Smith had clued him in. "She's a 'temp', just like Penny was. She's a government witness in a big political corruption scandal and so she's just a temp. Don't get attached, Don. She knows that someday she'll be returned to her real life and so she's being careful. She's not a permanent resident."

The implication of the Marshal's words weren't lost on him. He was 'permanent'.

"So, Paul, how do I get a list of permanent women who won't look at me as if I have an expiration date?"

* * *

A/N: One last chapter already written and edited. Maybe later today depending on the response to this one. Hint.


	24. Chapter 24

The Joneses – Final Chapter

* * *

It was strange. Once he accepted his new status, he and sleep seemed to become enemies or at least antagonists. He got to sleep but woke at the oddest times and couldn't fall back to sleep. Sometimes he was awakened by dreams, other times he wasn't sure exactly why he woke but he never could seem to get back to sleep.

He was dragging ass around school and he found it harder and harder to achieve his runner's high. He tried warm milk, tea, coffee and finally let Paul talk him into seeing the local shaman and get some sleeping pills.

They helped but left him feeling groggy and unfocused but at least he slept through the night – most nights, okay, some nights.

* * *

Los Angeles

Penny woke with a start and wiped tears from her cheeks. She had dreamed about meeting a US Marshal at a coffee shop in San Francisco just like she had but this time she 'listened' to what he said instead of going into some kind of fugue state, wallowing in her own pile of pity.

"_Mrs. Jones, maybe you should just go home. There's nothing more I can tell you. Go home."_

And then he'd said something else.

"_Pamela, go home."_

It had been staring her in the face all that time. The Marshal had called her Ms. Larson until they got into the coffee shop and then he'd called her Mrs. Jones and then Pamela.

She was so damned angry with herself that she could scream. How stupid was she? How could she have missed the look on his face and the words he'd used?

She went into her office and cleaned out everything she wanted and then closed her bank accounts and called the studio's finance unit and told them to send any checks to her attorney.

Penny took a cab to the airport and five hours later, after delays in getting a flight and further aggravating weather delays, her plane left Los Angeles for Philadelphia. She had one suitcase and a carry-on and didn't care. If she had her way, clothing would be optional for a long time.

She had a plan and there were several steps that needed to be taken before she arrived in Hidden Valley. She talked with a flight attendant who was based in Philadelphia and got a name and address of a place that could handle her needs. The flight attendant giggled conspiratorially when Penny explained exactly 'why' she needed the information.

"Your guy is gonna flip out. I think this is way too cool for words. You California girls really have it going on, don't you?" There was more laughter and soon the plane entered the landing pattern and the flight attendant, Julia, gave her a card.

"Call me if you just want to talk. I really enjoyed meeting you, Pamela. You're going to knock his socks off. I wish I was a fly on the wall of that bedroom of yours."

"I'll let you know how it went, Julia. In about a week or two. Or maybe a month might be more like it." More giggling and then the pilot announced their impending landing and Julia had to get back to work.

She picked up a rental car and then found the first place on her list. Taking the 'red eye' from L.A. meant she got to Philadelphia early enough to miss most of the traffic. She spent three hours getting converted and then she drove to a section of town she wouldn't have dared go to at night and accomplished her second step.

Penny was now Pam and she felt wonderful about it.

'_This is who I am. This is who I want to be and will always be from this moment on. Penny Larson is dead. Long live Pamela Jones!'_

She was dead tired and knew that she couldn't stay awake on the long drive to Hidden Valley so rather than end up in a ditch or dead, she got a motel room outside of the city and called it a night. She would simply adjust her schedule and if she played her cards right…

* * *

Hidden Valley High School

Barbara, the superintendent of schools' wife, was also the district placement officer and it was her job to fill vacancies and also to make sure the candidates were thoroughly vetted by the Witness Protection people. She was just arguing with herself about filling an opening when Pamela Jones opened her office door, sat down in the chair across the desk from her and happily said, "Good afternoon, Barb! I need a job."

She broke into a huge grin and ran around her desk and pulled Pam into a tight embrace.

"You have no idea how glad I am to see you. Don's been moping around, trying to get a handle on life and, Pam, I'm so sorry but we fixed him up with a temp teacher and they've been dating off and on, mostly off. I'm so sorry, Pam. I – we didn't think you were coming back and, well, Don's such a sweetheart and seeing him dragging around looking like he lost his – well, trust me, it's nothing. Cindy is a temporary resident and he's kept her at arms' length."

Barbara blurted all that out in almost a single breath and then stepped back to see if she's stepped in it.

"He – he's dating? But – but we're mar – oh, yeah, right. Annulled. Used to be married. Well, that's easily fixed with a visit to the Justice of the Peace, right?"

"Pamela, if we'd just known you were coming back - but no one knew, honest, least of all Don. He was told bluntly that he was a widower and that he needed to accept it and move on. We've all been worried about him and even Paul keeps a close eye on him."

"Where is he? Can I see him or is he busy?" She wanted more than anything to see him, wrap herself around him and never let him go but she knew that his cover as a teacher had certain rules and making love in front of his PE class was probably a no-no.

"Actually, he's not in today. He took a sick day so he's probably at home. He's been walking around here like a zombie and I know Paul made him go to the doctor's for an exam. He's not sleeping well and I doubt he's bothered to cook a meal himself since he got back."

* * *

Jones Residence  
Hidden Valley, PA

Actually, he was sleeping, thanks to a double-dose of Ambien that the doctor had prescribed as a sleep aid. He didn't like to take drugs of any kind but he listened to the doctor and then waited while Paul got his script filled ("I don't trust you one bit, Don, to do what you're told") and now he was deep in the arms of Morpheus.

He dreamed but instead of waking up he experienced the entire sequence over and over and over. Some were pleasant but most were not and that was at the root of his insomnia.

He cracked one eye open and saw that it was still daylight so either he'd slept less than a few hours or more than he planned. Obviously taking twice the prescribed amount was a dumb thing to do but he'd been doing a lot of dumb things in his life lately.

Don Jones, PE teacher, football and basketball coach, crawled out of his bed and made his way to the bathroom. He was dizzy and figured he needed something in his stomach and as he stood at the toilet 'draining the old lizard' he planned his supper or breakfast, he wasn't sure which. And something warm to drink to settle his nerves.

He walked back to the smaller bedroom and dressed quickly in shorts and a t-shirt and then walked shakily downstairs and into the kitchen. He sniffed the air like some predator seeking a scent but dismissed the smell of 'Ambush' as a figment of his imagination.

"Coffee's hot and there are donuts in the bag beside the coffee, sweetie."

He stiffened and then shook his head. _'No more pills! They make me weirder than I already am. Great Isaac Newton, now I'm hearing things!'_

Pam sat at their kitchen table and took another sip of her coffee. He looked tired but oh, man, he looked utterly delicious! When she slipped in hours ago and saw him asleep in the guest bedroom it was all she could do not to strip and crawl in beside him but he needed his sleep.

Instead, she walked back down to the kitchen and made coffee and checked out the food supplies and made a list and filched his debit card from his wallet and hit the Kroger. She ignored the looks she got and just went about her business. Pam had almost made it back home when a police cruiser pulled her over.

"_What are you doing back here, Ms. Larson?" It wasn't the friendly Marshal Smith she remembered. This one was all business._

"_I came home. This is where I belong. He needs me, Paul. Have you seen him? He looks like one of those zombies in the movies and he needs dope to sleep. I'm home and you can't do anything about it except give me a hug and let me get home before the ice cream melts, okay?"_

"_Took ya long enough to figure it out. Invite me over for dinner some time. Just don't freak him out, Pam." _

Don poured a cup of coffee and then stopped dead. There was an open bag from Sunrise Bakery beside the coffee pot. "Sorry, baby, but I ate the chocolate ones with the sprinkles. You snooze, you lose, Donnie."

"How long? How long this time?" The lump in his throat was threatening to strangle him and he couldn't swallow it and he couldn't breathe.

"What? Sorry, I didn't catch that." Pam walked over behind him and wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself against him. He smelled so clean and fresh. God but she had missed his smell. She heard his heart beating fast and his breathing hitch and he repeated himself.

"How long this time?"

"The rest of my life if I'm lucky. That is, I mean, if you still love me, Donnie. You _do_ still love me, don't you?"

He held up his hand, palm forward, and she could see the ring. The one he never took off.

She placed her bare hand over his and said, "We're going to have to do something about my nakedness, Donnie. I have a lot of money and I don't need a big gaudy ring but I do need you to pick out a set that matches your ring – like soon? And then a visit to the JP because I don't read stuff they shove in front of me, I just sign it and I'm so sorry…"

"I know. You just wanted it to be over. Can't blame you. So, let me see if I understand this. You're back and it's forever, not just something you felt you had to do and then…you want to get married again and then what?"

"I was hoping for a lot of honeymoon sex right here in our little love nest."

"Do we have to wait until we're married?"

"Hell no! Are you _crazy?_"

"No, my mother had me tested."

* * *

A/N: Epilogue will be posted on my LJ. What did Pam get done in Philadelphia?


End file.
